Kanashimi Ni Tamesarete Mo
by Jacqui
Summary: Kenshin meets up with his sensei again, but not the way he expects. Tomoe returns to set his regretful heart as ease so he can move on, and Kaoru discovers a few shocks and realizations herself.
1. Hihou

Kanashimi Ni Tamesarete Mo Chapter 1   


Kanashimi Ni Tamesarete Mo  
Chapter 1: Hihou  
  
Story By: Jacqui 

  
  
**Disclaimer:** No copyright infringement is intended, all characters belong solely to the creator, Watsuki Nobuhiro-sensei. I am merely 0.1% of the population of Kenshin fans out there, this is how I'm showing my appreciation for Nobuhiro-sensei's genuinely imaginative work. ^_^   
  
**Note 1:** I'm not really sure where this would take place...maybe around episode 78, but before the Katsuro/Daigoro confrontations in the TV series.   
  
**Note 2:** If you have any trouble with the Japanese words and or phrases used in this fic, see the translation notes at the bottom for further reference. Some of them may not be right, but I believe they are close enough, if you know I have something wrong then let me know and I'll fix it. ^_^   
  
  
**Characters Involved:**   
  
_Himura Kenshin_  
_Kamiya Kaoru_  
_Sagara Sanosuke_  
_Tanaki Megumi_  
_Myojin Yahiko_  
_Seijuro Hiko_  
_Yukishiro Tomoe ( in flashback/vision form )_   
  
  
  


The Letter...   
  


Kenshin sat quietly, his back to the right-side frame of the Kamiya Dojo entry ay. His right leg was bent upward, with his left leg bent slightly under the ight one. In his right hand, he held a letter that had been delivered to him arlier that day, he had only now found the time to read it. His left hand lay n his lap, opposite the sakabatou that he had leaning against the door frame n his left side. His bright violet eyes wisped over the delicately written kanji s his mind raced with all the letter had to tell him. "Mata hitoribocchi i nacchatta naa," he whispered to the star-sprinkled heavens as he lightly dropped the letter in his lap, relaxing his head against the frame ehind him. His eyes never left the trail of their gaze, as if he was searching or an answer in the deep black depths of the night sky above him. 

"Kenshin?" came the distinct whisper of Kamiya Kaoru's voice. A bright ay of shimmering moonlight highlighted Kenshin's profile, she knew he was roubled because he didn't answer her. Nor did he move an inch from his place as he stepped beyond the shadows, her form becoming visible in the same path of right moonlight that splashed itself over the young rurouni. 

"Kaoru-dono, you should be in bed." 

"I'm a big girl, Kenshin...I don't have a curfew for bedtime anymore..." There was a long period of silence between them after that, about five minutes, although it felt like hours. When Kaoru decided to break the silence, Kenshin interpreted it before she could get a word out. Although he meant to speak clearly and steadily, his words reflected pain and uneasiness. 

"Daijoubu Kaoru-dono, don't worry about me." Obviously, Kaoru heard him, but the half-hearted assurance didn't send her away. She knew better than to ignore him when he sounded that way. 

"Demo..." 

"Oro?" As Kenshin slowly rolled his eyes around to look at Kaoru, he found that she had knelt beside him. She had already snatched the letter from his lap and was reading over it with a hint of sadness in her expression. 

"Kenshin..." 

"Kaoru-dono..." 

"Who is this...Seijuro Hiko, _really_?" Her eyes moved from the letter to Kenshin's pained expression, she had no intention of pressing the matter, but she was concerned. 

"Seijuro Hiko was my master back in Kyoto. He...he taught me the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu...he saved me from death. Only now that death is upon him...there's no possible way I can return the favor." 

"Kensh-" 

"I know, you already know this. You met him and learned a little about him, but you haven't learned everything. I know I should have told you more about him, but he was the kind of man I thought would be around for eras to come. I thought there would always be time..." He let his eyes fall to a rest on his sakabatou. 

"I have all the time in the world, Kenshin." 

"Gomen nasai, Kaoru-dono, I don't want to bore you with it..." As he closed his eyes, he was surprised when he felt the light pressure of her hand resting on his right shoulder. 

"This is about someone important to you, Kenshin. How can I be bored with it?" 

"I didn't mean that, Kaoru-dono...it's just very painful to talk about..." He turned to look back at her after finishing his sentence to see if she had understood. Then he realized that she had taken her hand from his shoulder, and was pushing herself to a standing position. 

"I respect your secrecy Kenshin, I sometimes find it painful to talk about my father amongst even my closest friends...so don't feel bad if you can't tell me right now." With that, Kaoru took her leave to get some sleep. Kenshin watched her small form disappear within the shadows of the dojo, then turned his attention back to the starlit sky. 

"Goshinpainaku, Kaoru-dono...you'll learn soon enough." As he lowered his eyes once more from the sky, he took a second to neatly fold the letter and replace it inside the envelope. With one hand he gently lifted his sakabatou from it's diagonal position by the doorframe and pulled himself upward. As he gently slid the dojo door shut and turned to make his own leave for rest, he wondered whether or not he should return to Seijuro for his final days. He knew he wouldn't get any sleep that night, his mind was too clouded with hurricanes of thoughts and memories. The ghosts of his violent past were returning to him, and as he entered his room, he placed the letter on a minature table in the corner. He knelt beside the table, taking one look at his unrolled futon in the opposite corner and deciding against sleep, he assumed the same position he was in earlier when reading the letter. Placing his sakabatou to the left of him, he tucked his arms inside his gi and allowed his head to drop slightly. As he closed his eyes in thought, he lingered awhile on the last thing that crossed his mind, _I can only pray that you will understand what I may have to do, Kaoru-dono_.   
  
  
  


Yokuchou...   
  


"Yahiko! That's mine!" 

"Nyaaa! Busu!" 

"Hiretsukan!" 

"Kora! Both of you give it a rest already!" The complaints over breakfast were ringing all through the dojo that morning. Regardless, Sanosuke wasn't about to let the two bickering clowns, Kaoru and Yahiko, ruin his day by putting him in a foul mood _this_ early. As Kaoru was about to lunge over the table to thwap Yahiko on the head for stealing her riceballs, Sanosuke stood up with a disgusted look on his face. "Baka-yarou..." he whispered to no one in particular as he quietly backed his way out of the dojo. 

"The yakuza has left the building," giggled Takani Megumi from the far side of the table. She was coming close to reaching her fill of the fighting sensei and deshi. But as always, Kitsune-onna had a plan. She moved over to Kaoru's side of the table and tugged on the sleeve of her kimono. She wanted to pull Kaoru's attention from the "spoiled brat theif" she was wildly screaming at. 

"Busu!? I'll show y--nani?" 

"Kaoru-san...did you notice that Kenshin left last night and hasn't returned?" 

"N-Nani? Doko?" 

"I have no clue. He left his sakaba sword here," Megumi began, holding up the sword as proof, "that isn't like him." 

"M-Maybe he's just gone fishing or something...or maybe he went to get some tofu..." 

"In the middle of the night? We _are_ still talking about Kenshin, aren't we?" 

"Oi! Kaoru you're a disgrace to riceballs!" came Yahiko's voice, breaking through the conversation of the two women. 

"G-Gomen nasai, Yahiko-chan...I have to go find Kenshin," Kaoru half-whispered as she abruptly stood up from her place at the table. Just as she was about to make her way out to begin her search, Megumi caught hold of her sleeve once again. 

"He could be anywhere, how are you going to find him?" 

"If Kenshin was going to go far from here, he would have taken his sword with him, _that_ much I _have_ learned about him." Kaoru gave a reassuring nod to Megumi, and Kaoru felt the hand slip from her kimono. Megumi then flashed a quick glance to the sakabatou she was still holding, then handed it to Kaoru. "Arigatou, Megumi-san..." she whispered, accepting the sword with a light smile. She tucked the sword into the belt of her kimono and quickly made her way toward the door. 

"I wish she wouldn't call me _chan_!" squabbled Yahiko as Kaoru flung open the door to the dojo and disappeared into the bright sunlight outside. Just then, she heard a familiar voice call her name. 

"Jo-chan! You've finally quit the arguing with the retard?" It was definitely Sanosuke. 

"Not now, Sano...I-I've got to find Kenshin. Did you see him at all after you woke up this morning?" 

"Gomen ne, I haven't seen him since last night. Why? Is there something wrong? Is he in trouble?" 

"I don't know, but when I was done talking with him last night about this letter--" 

"What letter?" Sanosuke asked, his interest aroused. 

"It's private, he couldn't even tell _me_ much..." 

"Yare! It's one of those matters...well...if I see him I'll send him running to find you Jo-chan." Sanosuke was having an over-average good day, but Kaoru was too worried about Kenshin to notice any changes in Sano aside from his daily badass routine. 

"Arigatou, Sano..." she whispered thankfully. She then turned in the opposite direction of Sanosuke to look for her departed friend, _where was he_? It wasn't like Kenshin to just disappear like that, but then again he was a rurouni. She remembered what he had told her when he first decided to live there, _"_I'm a little tired of wandering, but I don't know when I'll have to leave here...alright?" No, she couldn't just let herself believe that, at least not until she had exhausted her search and then had no other alternative. She had already passed through the streets, markets, restaraunts, and other dojo's along the way, but she found no sign of Kenshin. As she pushed her way through crowds of people, she found herself at the river bridge. She searched desperately for the red-headed rurouni she had lived with for almost a year; nothing. 

"Kaoru! Did you find him yet?" Yahiko's high-pitched voice was unmistakable. Especially since it was the only one that was able to reach Kaoru's rather blurry conscience at that moment. His small figure came running toward her at full-speed, almost crashing into her. 

"He isn't here..." Kaoru's eyes searched around her still, hoping to spot him somewhere among the many people shopping that day. 

"Then where is he? He left his--" 

"His sakabatou, I know. But why?" 

"If it were me, I'd find him so I could find the answer to that question." 

"Yahiko it _is_ you, he's your friend too," Kaoru shot back with a hint of mild sarcasm. 

"Y-Yeah...well, how are we going to find him? You've looked everywhere I'm sure..." 

"No thanks to you, and I only know of one more place...but why would he be near the sakura trees?" 

"That's it! Kaoru, the sakura trees! He sometimes goes there when he has a lot on his mind!" 

"It might be too la--Oiyaaa!" Grabbing her by the wrist suddenly, Yahiko ran swiftly back toward the dojo, a battered and bruised Kaoru in tow. Yahiko didn't want to waste any time in hearing Kaoru's lame attempt to deflect the possibility that he could still be there. When they finally returned, Yahiko slowed to a stop, allowing Kaoru to catch her breath. 

"There." Yahiko reached an arm outward, and motioned with a pointed finger among the sakura trees as to where Kenshin might be. 

"Baka! You know how many trees there are out there? He could be by any one of them!" 

"Kaoru, being my sensei you should know it isn't proper to quivel over petty details." She sensed his own little bit of sarcasm, but she also knew that he was right. 

"H-Hai...I'll go find him now..." Just as Kaoru was heading for the miniature sakaba forest near her dojo, she saw a familiar figure coming up the path. 

"Kaoru...who is that..?" Yahiko asked, as she stopped herself in the same second he posed the question. Red hair. That was the first part of this person's appearance that she recognized. _Kenshin_? 

"It couldn't be Kenshin..." Kaoru whispered, although sounding convinced that it was. Yahiko slit his eyes against the bright morning sun as he stared down the road in an attempt to recognize the person coming toward them. 

"It is Kenshin!" exclaimed Yahiko. The figure had become visible enough for the both of them to recognize that it was Kenshin. Although Kaoru knew her eyes weren't fooling her and that Yahiko was right, she was still trying to comprehend something about his appearance. 

"Ohayo gozaimasu..." Kenshin's friendly voice had broken Kaoru from her trance. 

"Kenshin..." she whispered in relief. Before Yahiko could make a move, Kaoru was already heading directly for the still approaching Kenshin. 

"Kaoru! Wait for me!" She heard Yahiko's voice simply drown out behind her. At the same second she reached him, her arms automatically wrapped around Kenshin's differently dressed figure. 

"Oro...?" Kenshin's eyes became half worried and half surprised. 

"Kenshin..." Kaoru whispered lightly into the soft fabric of his gi, her face resting against his chest. 

"Kaoru-dono?" He wasn't sure if she was being fuzzy at the moment, or if she really had something serious on her mind. 

"I thought you left again...I was so scared that you were gone for good this time." As she heard Kenshin's voice, she released her grip from around his body. 

"Kaoru-dono, I would never leave without giving everyone a proper good-bye, and most of all I would never leave without my sa--" 

"Here." Kaoru reached down to the side of her belt and extracted the sword. Holding it by the sheath, she presented it to the now very shocked Kenshin. 

"K-Kaoru-dono..." At about the same time he spoke her name, a light, cool breeze began whispering through the trees. 

"I knew you wouldn't leave without this, that's what really helped me to believe you were still here." The calm breeze had weaved it's way in and out of Kaoru's hair, causing her loosely tied blue ribbon to fall free. Kenshin just stood there, unable to make the slightest movement, he was captivated by how beautiful she appeared with her hair down. She resembled a younger version of Megumi, yet there was a child-like innocence in her expression. She looked breath-taking, from the beautiful white and plum-colored floral kimono she wore, all the way to the mirrored reflection of him in her eyes. It was like she was in her purest form then, nothing added to make her seem more than what she was, it was just...her. 

"Arigatou...Kaoru-dono..." he complied with a soft smile, accepting the sword from her and placing it into the belt of the different colored gi he wore. Kaoru couldn't believe how he was once Japan's most renowned killer, _how was it possible_? The man standing before her had never brought the Hitokiri's spirit back out of the extreme need to kill. Kenshin wasn't a killer, he couldn't be the Battousai anymore, even if he wanted to. As she clasped her hands together and let them fall in front of her, she let her eyes wander over his appearance. He wasn't wearing the dark pink gi and white hakama he normally wore, it was a deep blue gi and dark grey hakama that she saw. Although his fluffy red hair was still tied back in that low ponytail, the same way he wore it when they first met. She saw his beautiful, bright violet eyes staring at her from beneath the feather of bangs hanging low over his forehead. His sweet, caring smile was enough to make her almost believe that he never was the Hitokiri. 

"Kenshin, hanafubuki..." The both of them had been too busy gazing at each other, Kaoru finally noticed the tiny blossoms that were falling all around them. Kaoru's eyes lit up as she extended her hand to catch some of the bright pink petals, "Utsukushii sakura..." Kenshin took a few steps toward the young Kaoru, but stopped when he noticed that she was turning to face him. "Aren't they beautiful Kenshin?" 

"Saranari...er, Kaoru-dono..." his eyes were still on her, trying to find what he wanted to say. 

"Hai?" 

"Itamiru, I didn't mean to cause any worry with my absence." 

"As long as you're back, just don't ever do that again!" 

"So-dane, Kaoru-dono." He then turned to head back to the dojo, but was halted when he felt Kaoru's hand grasp his gently. His eyes turned to look at her as if to say __'oro?'. Kaoru didn't notice that he was looking at her in disbelief while she lightly pryed his hand open. Finally, she looked up at him as she emptied the contents of pretty pink petals from her hand into his. Kenshin saw hints of seriousness in her expression, but he wasn't sure exactly how she wanted him to see her. He smiled brightly as if he was thanking her, and let his arm fall at his side, the blossoms held gently in his hand. "A-Arigatou, Kaoru-dono." 

"Kyou wa atashi ni totte wasurerarenai hi ni naru deshou, Kenshin..." whispered Kaoru. Then without another word, she motioned toward the trees as if she knew someone was eves-dropping on their conversation. Kenshin caught the hint, and together they turned to face their intruder. "Yahiko-dono/Yahiko-chan..." their voices chimed in unison. 

"Heh...er...I think this is where I make my exit!" Having said that, ahiko jumped out from behind a full blooming sakura tree and darted toward the dojo. Kenshin and Kaoru both couldn't help themselves in taking a few minutes to augh at Yahiko's childishness. A few moments later, they overheard Sanosuke and Yahiko yelling obscenities at one another from outside the dojo. Exchanging a uick __'not again' glance, they hurried back as fast as they could in hopes that hey might stop their friends from murdering each other.   
  
  
  


Douya...   
  


Kenshin stood in the corner, in front of a mirror that Megumi had brought into his room earlier that evening at his request. His appearance was shocking, but incredibly, frighteningly familiar. _Is this how he looked as the Hitokiri? This igh ponytail held tight by a thin, light red strip of silk cord? The dark patterns f midnight blue and dark grey that made up his gi and hakama_? Things were missing, he understated himself somewhere in the famous descriptions of what he used to be. He didn't live up to hose descriptions anymore. His eyes would be cold, heartless and full of hatred; his clothing would be discolored with the blood of those he killed during the akumatsu; while his hands and sword would be stained with the unmistakable shade nd smell of blood. The absence of blood was what made him different, he no longer wanted to shed the blood of another. The day he gave up the life of a Hitokiri, was the day he washed his hands and mind of the need for bloodshed. He could never return to being a man who damned himself with every life he took, he had friends now, he had a _life_ now. As he finished looking himself over, unable to continue looking at what the mirror reflected, he turned his eyes toward the letter that was still on the small table where he had left it the night before. He was going to return to his shishou for the final days of his life, but he would have to put all of the pain and memories behind him to do so. 

"Kenshin?" came a faint whisper from behind him. 

"Oro?" As he turned around to face the voice, he expected to see Megumi, but instead he saw Kaoru. He watched the fear rise up in her eyes as she caught sight of him, both hands shot up to cover her mouth in shock as she gasped. 

"Hi-Hitokiri?" 

"Daijoubu za, Kaoru-dono. I haven't relapsed." 

"Yare...yare, yare, yare..." 

"How...how did you know what the Hitokiri looked like?" 

"I've heard descriptions, I used to...see paintings and portraits of the infamous Hitokiri Battousai's appearance. But I...I never thought I would have to see him face to face..." 

"Kaoru-dono, I'm not the Hitokiri anymore, I could never be...not with friends like you to help me remain as a rurouni." 

"Atashi...atashi..." 

"Don't worry, de gozaru." Kenshin watched as Kaoru moved quickly across the room, but before she got too close, she stopped herself. It was obvious that she didn't know what to expect from him, she had never seen him as the Hitokiri who had slain thousands of men, and although she knew he was the same person; she still felt some hesitation. Kenshin knew she wanted him to comfort her, but his appearance had left her with some form of distrust and unknowing about him. "Kaoru-dono," he whispered softly as he encircled his arms around her and gently pulled her into his strong embrace. 

"K-Kenshin...atashi..." 

"Shhhhh...kimi wo mamoru, Kaoru-dono." Kenshin's eyes grew wider as he saw the flickering scenes of his past go wild in front of him.   
  
  
  


[ Flashback ]   
  


_In the midst of the darkness and shadows cast by the firelight, cream colored sheets rustled as Kenshin drew Tomoe closer, wrapping his arms around her tightly. She settled into his embrace, her cheek pressed close against his chest, as if listening for a heartbeat that would prove that he still lived. All the while, he felt dead, as if the grim reaper stood behind his back, holding up the remnants of his shattered soul, laughing in mockery. _

He couldn't still be living, and holding this gentle woman in his arms; with the dead chasing after him, weilding thier weapons the second the light of day vanished. But it was here that she rested against him. As if somehow, by the closeness f their bodies, she was able to offer him his own redemption through her pain and supress he madness raging inside his heart. For a second, two beats of their hearts, ime stopped and he felt completely at peace, with her by his side and the resolution of er heart pouring into his. 

In the silence he heard her soft stirring, she lifted her chin to meet his eyes. He was hearing them again, the demons gnawing at his soul, raging in the darkness of his every thought like serpants waiting for the chance to strike. She looked deep into his eyes, seeing nothing more than confusion and his own self hatred, yet she knew all the while that this was the price of his crimes. This was the price of still being human enough for death to matter to him enough to spark interest in what was right, after he had washed his hands in the blood of revolution. 

Her eyes filled with tears, and he had to move, or else let the hungry ghosts sacrifice them both to their angry gods. He gently stroked her naked back with his thumb, leaning foward to gently kiss her neck. She started, suprised that he would move, and she gasped, as his warm lips touched her cool skin, she was shocked that she could feel that kind of desire towards the one that had stolen what little happiness she had in her life. He had not only stolen her happiness, but the love of her childhood. She had no intentions of replacing her hatred for him with love. She had never intended to love him, and she wondered if he could ever understand the guilt she felt for that, the same guilt that knotted her stomach. She felt as if she had betrayed the two men she had loved, in a way she had never expected. She betrayed Akira when she had fallen for Kenshin, even though she knew it was him that took Akira's life. She betrayed Kenshin for having already determined to confess him to his enemies, but still loving him in the process. 

She shook her head, leaning in toward Kenshin's warm body, trailing her fingers across his shoulders. Perhaps he would see when the light of truth was finally found, that she had never wanted to betray him. She had only wished revenge, and she had discovered too late that her revenge would cost her the love that Kenshin offered her. If only it wasn't too late for them, at least, there was this small thing. They held one another while the fire still burned brightly in the fireplace, the shadows splashed themselves across the sheets that were wrapped around them; shakingly wickedly in various patterns. She could prove to him that she would sheath his madness, she would capture the fire burning inside of him and place it inside her heart. 

She trailed her hand across his chest, beneath the open fabric, her hand resting against his heart, which raced with her touch. She had thought it would be difficult, if Kenshin ever pressed the issue of their marital relationship. She had not thought that she could ever love Kenshin without memories of Akira flooding her mind. Yet, now with his heart beating frantically beneath her palm, she was suprised at how easily she was entranced by the simple sound of his breathing. It was as if the only thing that mattered, and had ever mattered, was the desperation they both felt as they ran, falling face forward into the depths of their despair for life. 

She moved her hands lower beneath the blanket, wrapping her arms around his back tightly, then before she knew it, he pulled her to him and held her just as tightly; as if he never intended to let her go. She closed her eyes, and the tears fell then, the one chance they may have had for happiness shattering like a porceline cup on the wooden floor. Kenshin squeazed his eyes closed, reaching for something, for anything to start rebuilding what they had lost due to his madness, to their madness. His words came from the depths of his soul, they fell from his tongue like nothing he had ever said before, "Kimi wo...kimi wo mamoru." Yes, he would protect her happiness, always.   
  


[ flashback over ]   
  
  
  


Kenshin closed his eyes tightly, shaking himself free of the memory. As he pulled Kaoru closer to him, he heard her gasp. She had felt a drop of moisture land on her cheek, _was Kenshin crying_? 

"Kenshin...daijoubu?" 

"Daijoubu de gozaru, Kaoru-dono..." He released her gently, turning to the mirror to look into it once again. He saw the single tear still leaving it's salty track down his face. In that moment, his passion to live as a rurouni had made him realize that he could never return to that life as changed as he was now. Within seconds, Kaoru released a high pitched scream as she watched Kenshin's right fist go through his reflection in the mirrored glass and through the wooden back plate, stopping only halfway in the wall behind. As he roughly pulled his fist free of the wall and let his arm fall back to his side, he heard his friends' collective sounds of shock. 

"Ken-san!" Megumi gasped in shock as she stared into the room from the middle of the hallway. She had dropped a fresh batch of blankets she had just finished cleaning. 

"Kenshin!" cried Yahiko and Sanosuke in unison as they clammered into the room. Kaoru's tear-rimmed eyes immediately fell to the floor at Kenshin's right, a small pool of shimmering dark red blood was building up. 

"K-Kenshin..." Slivers and shards of glass were scattered about the corner as the glittering blood slowly trickled down the shattered mirror, dripping onto the wooden floor below. His hand was hanging loosely at his side, blood soaked and still bleeding freely. The red-head simply lowered his eyes and turned to leave the room without a word. Kaoru would have done something, even said something, but before she could follow him out of the room, Sanosuke's hand flew out in front of her and held her back. 

"Let him be..." came the husky voice of the spike-haired former yakuza. 

"Demo...demo...that wound..." 

"He'll be fine. I'm sure he's been through worse, considering he was once Japan's most famous Hitokiri Battousai." 

"Mou! I'm tired of hearing that name!" 

"Jo-chan..." 

"Sano, just let me go after him. The wound isn't really the reason..." With a heavy sigh of helplessness, he let his arm fall to his side, allowing her to pass without any further obstacles. She tore past Sanosuke without giving him another look. She felt her body slide to a stop as she noticed the red glimmer of blood on the doorframe. 

"Yare...Jo-chan..." 

"N-Nani?" She turned around to face Sanosuke, lightly wiping the tears from her eyes with the back of her hand. 

"The sakura trees..." 

"Arigatou, Sano..." She smiled slightly, then turned once more to head for the one place she knew she would find her troubled Kenshin.   
  
  
  
Translation notes...   
  


The meanings vary for how the word is used, so I'll just use the definition for the way I've used them here.   
  
  
**Mata hitoribocchi ni nacchatta naa:** Can be translated to "So...I'm alone again."   
**Daijoubu(+za):** Can be translated as "I'm alright" without the 'za' and with the 'za' it means "it's alright." )   
**Gomen ne/nasai:** Can be translated to "I'm sorry" or "sorry." BTW, Sano uses more informal language than Kenshin, if that helps.   
**Goshinpainaku:** Can be translated as "never mind" or "don't worry." In this case, "don't worry" is how I used it.   
**Sakaba Sword:** Kenshin's reverse blade sword that he carries to protect people, this sword isn't used for killing.   
**Futon:** Japanese style bed, a flat mattress pad that can be rolled up when it's not needed.   
**Busu:** Can be translated as "ugly" or "bitch." It can be used either way here, but Yahiko normally uses it as "ugly".   
**Hiretsukan:** Literally translates to "bastard."   
**Kora:** Literally translates to "hey."   
**Kimono:** Traditional Japanese clothing worn by men and women, styles varied with gender. The fabric was made of linen in both cases. The women had more decorative and stylish kimonos, while men wore the more plain and honorific styles.   
**Nani:** Literally translates to "what."   
**Doko:** Literally translates to "where."   
**Arigatou:** Literally translates to "thank you."   
**-chan/-san/-dono:** 'Chan' is a suffix that Ruroken characters add to Yahiko's name to antagonize him. Sano uses it for Kaoru's nickname, Jo-chan. 'San' is a suffix added to names as a sign of respect for elders or high ranked officials. 'Dono' is a rather outdated suffix, yet Kenshin uses it because it shows a little more respect than 'san' does.   
**Yare:** Can be translated as "oh!" or "thank God!" Sano says it the first way, while Kaoru says it the second way.   
**Rurouni:** Can have many translations, but I prefer the "wandering samurai" thing. It just sounds more offical.   
**Oya:** This is my own language...heh, it's what is said when there's shock or surprise. Kinda like the female verson of 'oro.'   
**Baka(+yarou):** Translates to "stupid," "idiot," or "moron," with or without the 'yarou' attatched.   
**Hai:** Literally translates to "yes."   
**Ohayo gozaimasu:** Literally translates to "good morning."   
**Oro:** Fans of Kenshin would know this already. But if you are new to Kenshin, it's his favorite word ( one of mine too ), he uses it when he's either embarrassed, caught off guard, flustered, nervous, or all shook up.   
**Hanafubuki:** Literally translates to "falling cherry blossoms."   
**Saranari:** Literally translates to "of course."   
**Utsukushii:** Literally translates to "beautiful."   
**Sakura:** Can be translated as "cherry blossom(s)" or "cherry blossom tree." In this case, "cherry blossoms" is how I used it.   
**Itamiru:** Can be translated as the act of being "very sorry." Kenshin simply says the word to imply that he is in the act of being "very sorry."   
**So-dane:** Can be translated as "ok."   
**Kyou wa watashi ni totte wasurerarenai hi ni naru deshou:** This probably has a few translations, but the way I used it, it says "today will be an unforgettable day for me."   
**Hitokiri(+Battousai):** Can be translated as "assassin" or "assassinator" with Hitokiri standing alone, but with Battousai added it can be translated as "sword wielding master assassin," or "sword drawing man slayer." Any of those is good.   
**Atashi:** Literally translates to the female version of "I."   
**Kimi wo mamoru:** This can probably be translated best as "I will protect you."   
**De gozaru:** I'm not entirely sure about this one, I know that Kenshin says it quite alot. He adds it to the ends of sentences and even in the middle sometimes. I think he uses it to put emphasis on what he's saying, or maybe just because he can use it. ^_^*   
**Demo:** Literally translated as "but."   
**Mou:** Literally translates as "enough" or "stop it."   
  
Comments? Suggestions? Did you like it? Go ahead and email me. ^_^   
  
  
  



	2. Ukime

Kanashimi Ni Tamesarete Mo Chapter 2   


Kanashimi Ni Tamesarete Mo  
Chapter 2: Ukime  
  
Story By: Jacqui 

  
  
**Disclaimer:** No copyright infringement is intended, all characters belong solely to the creator, Watsuki Nobuhiro-sensei. I am merely 0.1% of the population of Kenshin fans out there, this is how I'm showing my appreciation for Nobuhiro-sensei's genuinely imaginative work. ^_^   
  
**Note 1:** I'm not really sure where this would take place...maybe around episode 78, but _before_ the Katsuro/Daigoro confrontations in the TV series.   
  
**Note 2:** If you have any trouble with the Japanese words and or phrases used in this fic, see the translation notes at the bottom for further reference.   
  
**Characters Involved:**   
  
_Himura Kenshin_  
_Kamiya Kaoru_  
_Sagara Sanosuke_  
_Tanaki Megumi_  
_Myojin Yahiko_  
_Seijuro Hiko_  
_Yukishiro Tomoe ( in flashback/vision form )_   
  
  
  


The Sakura Trees...   
  


Kaoru had managed to reach the miniature forest of sakura trees within minutes, yet she couldn't see Kenshin anywhere. _Where had he gone off to? Why did he abruptly shatter that mirror the way he did?_ Her worried eyes scanned as far as they could, maybe he was hidden behind something that she couldn't see around. By some remarkable twist of fate, she overheard a voice coming from somewhere within the bright pink, full blooming forest. This voice sounded like it was borderlining utter disgust. It was definitely Kenshin, _but why did he sound so angry? Why was he acting so strange?_ His actions did frighten her, she wasn't really sure what to think about what had just happened. Kaoru tried to push away the impression that maybe Kenshin wasn't the Kenshin she knew anymore. 

"Kusso!" came the angered voice as Kaoru followed it. A few moments had passed and she found herself behind a few sakura trees, standing not too far from a small stream. The dark shade of midnight blue was the first thing to come into Kaoru's view. It was Kenshin. He had his back to her as he was trying to cleanse his hand of the blood. She watched him for a few moments from behind the trunk of a rather tall sakura tree. His small but broad back went up and down with the motions of his arms and hands as he scrubbed roughly around his wound, cursing lightly under his breath; too low for Kaoru to hear. She could almost sense his facial expression, he was desperate to rid his hand of the sparkling red liquid that just wouldn't stop flowing from the deep gashes in his skin. Without thinking of how distraught he might have been at that particular moment, she took a step forward to approach him. As she opened her mouth to speak his name, his head darted up suddenly, it appeared that he was looking straight ahead of him. His entire body went completely still, he waited until the intruder was only seconds behind him to make his move. 

"Kensh--aaahhh!" Kaoru's scream seemed to pierce the delicate blossoms dangling from the trees around her as she was cut short. When her back hit the hard ground beneath her, the impact was so great that the wind was knocked completely out of her small body. Kenshin had used a keen sense of hearing to identify her exact position behind him, allowing him to use his speed and strength to pin Kaoru to the ground within seconds. He had one leg on either side of her body, while he held her hands down tightly. He had definitely attacked her, and it was only at the last minute did he realize what he had done. He saw the fear and shock begin to blur in her dark blue eyes, his heart felt as if it was pounding through his chest, making his whole body ache with regret. 

"Ku..Kuwabara...S-Su..." He was breathing extremely hard, but Kaoru could do nothing but stare up at him with helplessness. Her expression matched those that were etched in the faces of the victims of his past before he had taken their lives. Words could not repair the mistake he had just made, he would only be making that moment worse by trying to explain himself to her. His eyes remained focused on hers, but his heart stopped and almost sank when he heard Kaoru's pained, struggling voice. 

"D-Dou...shite...Kenshin..." Kaoru's eyes were heavily brimmed with tears now, the icy emotion she was feeling had begun to melt, and it found no better place to show itself but through her questioning eyes. As she let her eyes fall to a gentle close, her mind raged. _why did he attack her? How could he attack her? Why couldn't she say anything?_ The salty, stinging pain had no intention of retreating, it easily pushed past her thick black lashes and streamed down the corners of her pale face. Kenshin realized that these were the same eyes that cried for him when he left for the first time, fearful that he would never return. The same beautiful eyes that had gained respect and admiration for him. They were Kaoru's beautiful eyes, but they were no longer crying _for_ him, they were crying _because_ of him. 

"D-Daijoubu...su...sumanai...sumanai..." When Kenshin finally realized that he hadn't moved, he quickly pushed himself off of Kaoru's now limp body. When he stood back up, he noticed that she was still lying there. He knew she was afraid to move, the color of her skin, the look on her face, even in her eyes; it mirrored total horror and pain. As he stood there, staring down at Kaoru's still expression, he questioned whether or not he should help her up. At that moment, the answer seemed as hard to find as his lost composure, he did attack her unexpectedly after all. 

"Atashi..." As she opened her eyes, she wasn't about to make any sudden movements, she had no idea what Kenshin would do if she took that chance. Kenshin's eyes slowly widened from their narrowed state. He began to feel that he had no right to attack anyone the way he had just attacked Kaoru, but lately he'd been feeling that he was back in Kyoto; still fighting against the Shinsen Gumi alongside the Ishin Shishi. Maybe he was just paranoid that someone was coming to stop him from seeing Seijuro. He felt so sure that his life as a Hitokiri was completely banished, but what he had just done disproved that feeling. He needed more than feeling to assure the end of the assassin still deep within him, the traits, feelings, and appearance still remained. What remained, influenced his behavior somehow, _why was he willingly reviving these parts of his past?_ He had to say something to her, anything to ease the tension, most of all a sincere apology. 

"Kaoru-dono...I-I apologize...from the bottom of my heart...my soul...for what I've just done. I-I know that my actions have probably caused you to lose more trust in me than I dare to guess, but..please...don't--don't lose your faith in me..." Hearing Kenshin whisper his second apology released a kind of comfort within Kaoru, her new found fear began to slowly fade away. The shock was still there, but as for everything else, it returned to it's normality. Kaoru's eyes reveled in confusion as she watched Kenshin's unwounded hand reach out for hers. She saw that the blood still lightly trickled down from the torn knuckles on his right hand, in between his fingers, and ended in small, dark droplets at the tips. The silence was so deafening, Kaoru heard both the nervous pounding of Kenshin's heart and the loud 'pat pat' of blood dripping onto the surface of loose dirt in front of her. She had to say something, the silence was enough to make her tears continue if she didn't break it. 

"Kenshin...I never lost any of my feelings or beliefs ...I..I only feared that I was losing you..." As Kaoru pulled herself up to a sitting position, Kenshin's eyes shimmered a vibrant shade of violet as they stared at Kaoru in total amazement. He expected that kind of answer from her, but not at that particular time, not after what he had just done. He was caught completely off-guard. 

"Na..Nani?" Kenshin's jaw slowly opened in astonishment as he spoke, never taking his eyes from her face. He noticed that the color had returned to her previously paled skin, but the tears were still there, and it was obvious that she was trying to keep them from falling again. 

"I've always believed in you Kenshin, with Jin-e, with Gohei, with Saitou, even when you fought Sano and Shishio...I..never stopped believing in you..." With a few light sweeps of her fingertips, Kaoru erased the tears from the corners of her eyes. Her lashes were still dampened with the tears from earlier, and Kenshin's eyes caught sight of new tears forming where she had wiped them away. He allowed his hand to fall to his side, not caring for the moment whether the blood was soaking into the white and blue cloth of his gi, he only wanted to see her smile. Taking a few slow steps toward the right side of Kaoru, he knelt down onto his right knee and placed the palm of his wounded hand against her right cheek. Kenshin's eyes grazed hers in search of some kind of forgiveness, when he found it slowly starting to surface, the corners of his mouth gradually spread into a smile. Then he slowly brushed his thumb across the salty stains on her face, smoothing away the tears that were merging toward the corners of her eyes. 

"Kaoru-dono...arigatou." Silence followed as they both stared at one another, not saying a word. She was so innocent when she cried, so vulnerable and full of emotion. _How could he have believed that she would doubt him?_ The many times she had cried before, they seemed unable to compare to now, in both good and bad ways of which Kenshin himself couldn't even describe. _How could this man hurt her so much with one action, yet make her feel like the luckiest woman in all of Tokyo? Was it even possible or was she simply imagining it?_ His eyes looked so sincere, so convincing, but they hinted toward more than that. She used to believe that each shade of his beautiful violet eyes would portray a different aspect of him that he wanted everyone else to understand. 

"That's another thing...the Hitokiri would never call me 'Kaoru-dono'...but Kenshin does..." She allowed her eyes to close once more as she brought both hands upward to encircle the one hand that Kenshin used to erase her tears. 

"K-Kaoru-dono...sessha...sessha..." he began babbling as Kaoru held his hand flat between the both of hers. Before Kenshin had taken a second look, she was standing only inches from him, his hand still held between hers; eyes still lightly closed. 

"Kenshin...your apology was enough." His heart began pounding almost two times as hard as before when he watched her long black lashes lift, revealing the beautiful, sparkling blue depths of her eyes. He knew now that she had never doubted him, even when he hurt her the most by reviving the Hitokiri spirit within him, she never lost faith. Kaoru's gaze fell downward to the wounded hand she was holding gently with hers. She sighed softly, lightly turning his hand back and forth, examining the wound closely. She allowed her left hand to fall to her side, but kept her right hand in a gentle grasp around his. As she slowly pulled him toward the small stream, she gently bit her bottom lip, knowing what she had to do. They stopped just inches from the stream, where she knelt as close as possible to the water, then motioned for him to do the same. When they had both become comfortable, Kaoru's eyes quickly glanced once at Kenshin, then slowly down to her kimono. Taking a deep breath, her hands found the thinnest part on the bottom of one of her favorite peices of clothing and proceeded to rip it down the seam. When she had torn a fairly straight, thin peice of purple and flowery white material, her gaze focused back on Kenshin's hand. 

"K-Kaoru-dono..." Kenshin's jaw slightly dropped as he stared at her in astonishment, he felt like reaching his hand out to stop her before she had ruined her beautiful kimono--then decided against it due to the fact that he knew she intended to do what needed to be done. It was a feminine-like quality that he loved about her in particular. 

"Now, put your hand under the water," she instructed, slowly tilting her head to the side as if she was nodding toward the stream. 

"Kaoru-dono...y-you don't have to do this...it was my fault...Megumi-dono can fix it..." Kenshin was steadily trying to ease his way out of putting Kaoru through anymore bothersome tasks. His teeth gently clenched in a nervous smile to try and avoid her command, but he knew it wasn't going to work. 

"Kenshin...just do as I say, I've learned a few tricks from the foxy doctor myself. I know what to do." Her eyes went back and forth from his hand, to the stream, finally coming to a rest on his expression. He could tell she was getting impatient, but he didn't feel right in letting her do this for him. Especially after he had scared her into confusion more than once in the past few days since receiving that letter. "Baka Kenshin...it will get infected if you don't clean it!" 

"Oro..?" He snapped back to reality when he heard the sound of Kaoru's rather irritated voice. Seeing the look in her eyes, he immediately complied with her orders and eased his swollen, blood-stained hand into the cool water. Surprisingly, it was refreshing to feel the rhythmic sensation of the water cascading over the tensed muscles in his hand. 

"Now...let me clean the blood from around that wound so it won't just sit there and...well, oiiii...let me see your hand. This takes the precision of a woman's touch..." She sighed once more as her hand went below the water to retrieve his hand. 

"I-Itai..." Kenshin quickly pulled his hand from the water and held it close to him. Suddenly, he had contracted the shyness of a child who had just been disciplined for the first time. 

"Kenshin....don't be such a baby...I know what I'm doing..." Kaoru smiled slightly, as her delicate fingers snatched his hand from him gently. She began softly caressing away the wet and dry blood, taking extra caution to avoid his wounds. In this case, Kaoru was right, a woman really did know how to work wonders with her touch. But this wasn't just a woman's touch, it was Kaoru's touch, if it had been anyone else he probably would have struck up a conversation or drifted off into thought just to pass the time. But he sat in silence, allowing his eyes to move over Kaoru's figure, diligently at work. _How could she be so clumsy and fragile one day, then turn around and be as serious as him the next?_ This girl really enlightened the curiosity in him, she was nothing like the women from 10 years ago. He stared at a mosaic image of his hand under the flowing water. The blood came off without any effort from Kaoru, yet he couldn't seem to make it come off even though he scrubbed hard enough so that the wound began to retaliate by bleeding all over again. Maybe that was all he saw and couldn't erase it from his mind, the sight of blood, the smell, once it had penetrated his senses his eyes saw nothing but shades of red. _Why was she doing this?_

"Kaoru-dono..." He stopped himself before he finished his sentence, he was surprised at himself for speaking at such an awkward moment. But in a mad moment of reality, or what he percieved to be reality, the words began to flood his mind. 

"Hai?" As she pulled his hand from the water, she beamed happily at her thorough work. The only blood that remained was the thin layer which spread across the surface of the open wound. She placed his hand palm down on her lap, then she retrieved the thin strip of bandage that was torn from her kimono. As her hands reached back down to lift his hand, he abruptly pulled it out of her reach. He had to get these words out of his head, before they made him crazy. 

"Kaoru-dono...you shouldn't...have to do this. You...shouldn't have to touch the bloodstained hands of a...post-Bakumatsu Hitokiri..." The silence after that was so loud, neither one attempted to say anything to press the subject any further. Kenshin's heavy lashes lifted so that his eyes met hers, and it was in those darkened eyes that he felt the surprise and hurt that was threatening to show itself. But he had to tell her the truth, or at least what he thought to be the truth about him and his life. Deep inside, he knew he should have expected her to look at him that way. Because he didn't expect this, he was shocked when he heard the stunningly indisputable-sounding reply that Kaoru gave him. 

"Kenshin...you're not the Hitokiri anymore. No matter how much you want to believe it, or disbelieve it, you're not a killer." She remained in a kneeling position, allowing her eyes to turn from his line of vision. Her eyes fluttered to a rest on the stream, and she became skeptical about hiding what she truly wanted to say to him. _Why would he ever say something like that to her? Especially to her?_ It was obvious that he was in pain, hurting and regretful, but she couldn't bring herself to understand why he would say that she was too pure to touch him. As he forced his eyes to fall downward, finding himself staring at the dirt below. Sighing lightly, he watched a few crumpled sakura blossoms wisp past him. The petals twirled and danced with the loose grains of dirt in a miniature whirlpool as if they had a mind of their own. He began to feel that there was still more to be said. Taking in all the air his lungs could hold, he released it slowly, bringing his eyes back up to look at Kaoru. He slowly extended his wounded hand and placed it under her chin to direct her face back toward him, forcing her eyes to look at him as well. 

"Kaoru-dono...my hands will always be tainted with blood. The stains will remain forever, until my death. I don't have to be the Hitokiri anymore to have the visions of a Hitokiri. My past has revolved around too many of my murderous rampages to be able to forget what I had seen and done. But...red is the only color my eyes have permitted me to see lately...ever since that letter arrived a few days ago. Kaoru-dono, the smell of blood...it won't come off. Hitokiri means living as a Hitokiri until death do us part. The Battousai is a part of me..." Without hesitation, Kaoru abruptly pushed his hand away from her. 

"H-Himura Kenshin! How can you say something like that!?" Then with one quick backhand across his face, Kaoru sent Kenshin flying into the stream, followed by a huge splash. "Baka! How dare you even think like that, I would never...ever see you as you once were and believe that it was your true persona. Even if you did become the Battousai again. How many times do you need to hear this before you realize it for yourself?!" She watched Kenshin pull himself out of the still steadily flowing stream, one hand over his now red cheek. He noticed that she was standing in the place he was sitting before he was knocked into the water. Her hands were tightened into fists, hanging stiffly on either side of her body, and her eyes were slanted in the angriest glare he had ever seen. His clothing soaked, his beautiful red hair dripping with water, he decided against arguing with her further. He found it easier if he just apologized and let her do her work. 

"Kaoru-dono...go-...gomen-nasai...I didn't mean to go off on you like that. It's just that...." He was halted in mid-sentence when he watched her expression go from irate, to questioning. She was asking him what it was that made him say those things, without saying a word. There were still many things he had to learn about Kaoru, he still found himself being fascinated by almost everything she did and said. But he didn't want to hurt her anymore, he had to wonder if he had had his katana with him, _would he have actually taken her life?_ Kenshin's eyes began to fluctuate, his head and body felt somewhat dizzy, almost like he had consumed too much sake. The woman in front of him kept changing into a familiar figure from his past, then he began to see the trees around him take the shape of walls, the light was leaving quickly; there was hardly any light, it was like he was wanting to sleep.   
  
  
  


[ Flashback ]   
  


_She knew he always slept lightly, but she didn't realize that he heard her footsteps and saw her shadowy movement behind his closed eyes. He knew they were after him, even before he was consciously awake, the tell-tale footsteps, the blade of his assassin gleaming as the broad light of day fell through the window and hit the swords edges. He wasn't afraid of dying, never of death itself. In his younger days, he had yet to really live, which kept him from having anything to lose to death. Before his eyes even opened, he caught sight of the face of his assassin; the one sent to take his life. Dark hair, blood dripping in rhythm from his katana, with the blood of those the assassin had murdered to get to him. He could let death take him, but then, he had no fear of darkness, the fear of losing the war could ever touch him. Yet, if not him, the next life the assassin could claim may be the life of an innocent child, who had a family and loved life, he simply wasn't willing to let that happen. In his dream, he blinked once, twice, and in that instant the rain came. Clouds arrived carrying the darkness of night that fell over him, sheets of rain gusting in through the open window. He looked down, feeling the wetness of the rain spattering on his hands; it reminded him of blood, as the wind played with the bottom edges of his hakama. Above him, he could feel the presence of the assassin, the oppression, and overwhelmingly, the need to protect life. _

The water on his hands was warm, growing hotter by the second, as it dripped from his hands, he could hear it 'tap' to the floor. His eyes followed the sound down and grew wider at what they saw. A pool of blood was growing rapidly on the floor, right before him. Then his eyes came back up to his hands, they were covered in blood, the blood that came pouring from his neck; where the assassin's blade had pressed into his throat. He had to stop the evil, even at the cost of losing his own life. Thus, he jumped up, grabbing the assassin and shoving him to the floor. Drawing his sword, he raised the silver blade to put an end to the man's life; but suddenly, he opens his eyes. The shawl that was once wrapped around his shounders and neck had fallen to the floor. The blood that had covered his hands and hit the floor with such volume, and the crash of the books that had fallen to the floor, those sounds echoed in his ears. 'An assassin,' whispered a voice in the back of his mind, he waited patiently for his eyes to recognize her. Tomoe. She stared up at him, shocked and frightened, and he wondered what kind of animal he had turned into, to frighten the one who had tried to take care of him. He wanted to apologize, and he placed his sword back into its sheath. As she regained her composure, her small frame knelt over the books to start stacking them together. Why was this man so intent on killing? Why did he have to consult his katana when problems arose before him? If he did apologize, and she came again like that, he couldn't promise her nor himself that he wouldn't kill her. The thought horrified him, the simple idea that he could no longer tell good from evil, uncertian whether or not he was hurting the innocent people he had so desperately wanted to protect. He knelt down beside her, picking up the rest of the books, fighting the urge to pull her into his arms, to tell her he would always protect her. His hand reached out just as she reached toward another book, stopping her. 

"I once told you that I would never use my sword against an unarmed person, but I do so now. I think it best that you leave now, or someday I might truly harm you." Her dark eyes looked up at him, her face calm and her movements steady, yet her eyes were wide and full of turbulant thoughts. She saw it when she looked at him, the stormy battle raging within, his very own fear of himself, not to mention his fear for her. She couldn't allow this fear to conquer them, or else she would be just as much to blame as those she blamed for taking away his childhood and happiness, leading him in this dance of delirium and madness. She carefully lifted the shawl from the floor, folding it evenly, and laid it across his knees. 

"You need a sheath to suppress the madness. So, you should let me stay with you for now." Then, Tomoe's small form turned to make her departure.   
  


[ flashback over ]   
  
  
  


The Sakura Trees...   
  


As Kenshin's eyes began to blur themselves back into reality, his temples were aching. The nerves behind his eyes began to pulse in rhythm with the pounding inside his head. As he gently shook himself free of the fading memory, he noticed that Kaoru was standing over him as he lay on the ground, a look of sheer worry covering her face. She had pulled him out of the water, _but when? How?_

"K-Kenshin? Daijoubu?" Kaoru's eyes turned different shades of blue as she turned her head at various angles to see if there was anything wrong with Kenshin that she wasn't able to see right off. As his lashes fluttered open and shut in an attempt to compile his consciousness, she caught sight of how glazed his eyes appeared. "Kyaaaa! Kenshin!" She automatically dropped to her knees, turning Kenshin's frail body every which way possible to determine if he was dying or not. 

"Sessha wa daijoubu de gozaru yo, Kaoru-dono..." Kenshin's small frame hauled itself into a sitting position, as his now amber-hued eyes found their way to Kaoru's face. "I'm fine, arigatou." 

"A-Are you sure? I didn't meant to...hit you that hard..." He knew it was like Kaoru to make absolutely sure that he was alright, that he had no other injuries on his body other than the one she was previously trying to bandage up. 

"Hai. I'm okay." Being overwhelmed with that remembrance of his past so long ago had made him all the more wary of going to Kyoto now, but he knew it was something he had to do. As Kaoru's eyes kept searching over his body although he had reassured her that there was no need for that, she was being extra precautious. Kenshin decided to ease her tension a little more and distract her from feeling like she couldn't do anything to help him. Gently taking her right hand, he heard her gasp softly as he placed his wounded hand into hers. "Gomen nasai, Kaoru-dono....I didn't mean to interrupt you earlier." 

"Kenshin..." Kaoru smiled sweetly as she cupped her free hand and dipped it into the stream. Kenshin's eyes closed tightly as the water was poured over the wound that was now full of both bloodied and dry, caked on dirt. "Baka...you've probably infected it now. But I'll do my best." As he listened to the small, soft breathes she took while she doctored his hand, he allowed his mind to wander a bit. _What in the world did he just see?_ He remembered the woman that was there with him, he could see her face so clearly for only that moment, then she disappeared. The long black hair, tied back with a light pink ribbon, the dark seductive eyes, her extremely pale features. Wait. If his memory wasn't deceiving him, he would have guessed that he had just experienced a flashback of him and his dead wife, Yukishiro Tomoe. 

"...Ken.....shin...." Kaoru didn't want to disengage him from any thoughts or feelings he may have been having at that minute, so she gave him as much space as he needed. At the last moment he realized his name was being spoken, and he snapped back to attention. 

"Oro?" 

"Flatten your hand, please." 

"Doushite?" 

"Just do it, it won't come out right if you don't do it." Kenshin's eyes relaxed as they moved over the once again cleaned wound around his knuckles. She had done such a good job cleaning the blood and dirt from inside the deep cut that he could hardly tell that it bled or had traces of dirt there at all. What he saw was the pink and red flesh on the inside of the wound, and very red irritated skin around the entire top of the back of his hand. He complied with her order and flattened his hand, although it hurt a little to move the skin around the cut, he had to get it bandaged. Kaoru's hands retrieved the small strip of fabric from her lap, slipping it under his palm with one hand on either end of the cloth. 

"Itai!" His teeth clenched a little, he had never known it would sting so much to have something dry touch the exposed underlayers of his skin. 

"Almost done." She wrapped the fabric around his hand a few times, then she positioned both ends of the bandage over the top of his hand. Very gently, she tied a knot in the top of the cloth and drove it all the way down to where it ended over the tops of his knuckles. Her hands had gone so quickly that Kenshin wasn't even able to keep up with her. "Applying pressure to that wound will stop it from bleeding." 

"But it hurts..." 

"Juubun!" Kaoru beamed over her work as she stared admiringly at what she had done. "It hurts I know, but considering the pain in your past, I'm sure it doesn't compare to this little amount, ne?" 

"I....I suppose you're right," he said aloud as he glanced at his newly bandaged hand. His eyes somehow found their way back to her. She had certainly taken good care of him, even when he had given her lawful reason not to. He couldn't contemplate any other reason for his previous actions, _but how could he do that to her?_ He had lost Tomoe, as well as his self control with the mistake of misjudgment and madness; just as he could have lost Kaoru with those same mistakes. If he had used his katana instead of his hands, he probably would have killed her within seconds. _Why would he suspect anyone else to be there in the first place?_ Bits and peices of the Hitokiri were resurfacing, and it was beginning to show in everything he did. He wasn't having an all out relapse into his past, but parts of it were coming back to weigh on his mind. 

"Kenshin..?" 

"Kaoru-dono, when you couldn't find me yesterday, I was here. I was writing a letter back to Seijuro..." 

"Nani?" 

"I just needed some time. Time to think about what I wanted to say to him, how I was going to tell him that..." _Should he tell her this? Should he really break her heart again and tell her that he was leaving?_ She had been through so much that day already, his soon-to-come leave for Kyoto was the last thing she probably needed to hear. 

"Nani woi iutenno?" 

"I...I'm going back....to Kyoto to stay with him during his final days..." 

"I...I don't know what to say..." Once Kenshin had told her his plans, her expression showed anything but comfort. She looked so lost, as if she had no idea what she was going to do with that information. Her eyes fell to the ground, the corners of her mouth curving into a small frown. 

"Kaoru-dono...you can promise me something..." She felt the warm touch of his hands closing around hers, he was getting serious. Maybe he was really, truly leaving this time. But just like the first incident, this one had come so suddenly, _why did it always have to be for Kenshin? Why did he have to leave again?_ From what she learned about Hiko Seijuro when she met him, he wasn't an openly kind and caring person. Considering he was once Kenshin's teacher, he disowned him for following his own path. "Kaoru-dono...can you watch my sakabatou while I'm gone? I won't be needing it while I'm in Kyoto and...well..." 

"Nande?" Kaoru's eyes lifted, this seemed like a highly unlikely question for him to ask her. She never would have believed that he would let anyone else's hands touch that sword besides himself. 

"You're...the only one I trust with it..." Kenshin's hands released hers as he pulled himself up and brushed away the dirt and bits of grass. Kaoru then stood up directly after him, when he noticed the strange look on her face, he wasn't sure what to expect. But the more he searched her face for signs of understanding, the strange look disappeared, and she began to smile. 

"Yoroshii, Kenshin. But you must also promise me something." Hearing this, Kenshin's eyes had risen, stopping to rest on her smiling face. 

"Sore wa nande, gozaru ka?" 

"Promise me...that after a certain amount of time has passed, and you've become used to the thought, that you'll tell me all about your past." 

"S-Sessha..." 

"Can you promise me that?" 

"Mochiron...I can...promise you that, Kaoru-dono." As she nodded her head slightly in acceptance of the promise, the rays of light that were breaking through the thick and heavy branches of the sakura trees had accented the smile that was still at the corners of her mouth. 

"Shall we return to the dojo so you can pack?" 

"Arigatou, but i've already done my packing Kaoru-dono..." 

"Ara...you didn't waste any time with this decision, did you?" The surprise was there in her voice, but her expression wasn't hiding the sadness. 

"I'm glad I've had the opportunity to see this much of you before I left, Kaoru-dono. Even if it had to come with such terrible circumstances." 

"Kenshin..." 

"Let's go back to the dojo so I can be on my way." That being said, he gently took her hand and entwined her fingers with his. They were so small, thin and feminine, but they had the touch of a master of Kamiya Kasshin Ryu. His hand was warm, she felt true security with him for the first time in her life. She noticed he had tucked his bandaged hand inside his gi for protection from any more dirt and infection. As they walked along, they heard the bells of the carriage just ahead of them. But they continued at the same pace, determined to stay that way for as long as they were allowed.   
  
  
  


The Goodbyes...   
  


Kaoru had just helped the coachman with the last of Kenshin's very few possessions that he would be taking with him. 

"Ahhh Kenshin, when you get back tell me all about it!" 

"Sano...it's not going to be like that..." 

"Baka Sanosuke, his sensei is dying, what's there to tell!" 

"Yahiko, don't be so loud..." Kenshin was still dressed in his midnight blue gi and dark grey hakama as he made his way out to the carriage; his quarreling friends not far behind him. Kaoru was waiting by the carriage, laughing softly at a few jokes the coachman had been telling her. When her eyes caught sight of Kenshin, she immediately became quiet. 

"Doushita, Kaoru-dono?" She watched his head fall to one side in a questioning manner. 

"I'll be fine, it's just...the first time you did this you told me you were never coming back." 

"Daijoubu de gozaru, this carriage will take me to the boat, the boat will take me from here to Osaka, then from Osaka I will travel on foot to Kyoto. I'll return when my business in Kyoto is finished...permanently." 

"Yoshi..." She saw that his hair was still up in the traditional samurai ponytail and she felt very tempted to fix his hair the way she was used to seeing it. As he stopped in front of the small carriage door, he turned to face her. 

"Kaoru-dono...sessha--" 

"Shhhh...," she whispered softly, her beautiful smile returning. She didn't realize it at first, but she had brought her hand to the left side of his face. Her fingers tracing lightly over the scars, "...there will be plenty of time to talk when you return....we have forever, Kenshin." 

"Forever..." He nodded complyingly with a slight smile, and nothing more was said as he boarded the carriage. Kaoru watched him take his place on the cushioned bench inside, then backed away from the big modernized buggy so as not to be run over. 

"I'll keep my promise, Kenshin." 

"I'll keep mine as well, Kaoru-dono." After the final word was spoken from Kenshin, he motioned for the coachman to go. Kaoru turned to watch the big black carriage disappear among the sakura trees in the distance, leaving a thick trail of dust and withered sakura blossoms behind. The sound of the horse's hooves, the sound of the carriage's wheels crunching over the small stones and pebbles as it left the front of the dojo, it all rang clear in Kaoru's mind. By then, Megumi had rushed out from inside the dojo and was lightly embracing Kaoru, assuring her that everything would be fine. Megumi began to lead Kaoru back into the dojo, passing up a now mute Sanosuke and Yahiko. Kaoru's thoughts were filled with one silent request, nothing more; _Kenshin, please come home safely, I don't know what I'll do if you don't come back home._   
  
  
  


A Week Later...   
  


The trip had been delayed almost a week due to unexpected threatening rain and thunder conditions on the mid-western coasts of Japan. Kenshin realized he only had so much time to get to Kyoto, but there was nothing he could do but wait. The boat arrived three days later than the scheduled date. After leaving the ports of Osaka, it took Kenshin four days on foot before he reached Kyoto; due to the fact that he was starving, distraught, and exhausted. Even so, he had managed to keep himself out of trouble. By making extra precautions in not allowing himself to be recognized, he took secret backroads that he had used as the Hitokiri. He wouldn't think twice about the bloodlust he used in persuing his victims, these dark backways highlighted and even hightened the element of his hatred for the Shinsen Gumi and all they held dear. On these roads, his imagination would drown in the many ways that he was going to kill his victims, how he would see the blood spray from their bodies with one silvery slash of his katana. _Why did the memories seem less threatening when he was in the place of their birth?_ When Kenshin had finally reached Seijuro's residence, his energy was more than half gone. He had made his presence known to Seijuro as he stood a few feet from the front door of his cabin, and as he spoke that historical name, old feelings and emotions came racing back at lighting speed. 

"Kenshin?" came the weak, yet still arrogant voice of his shishou from inside the cabin he now lived in. 

"Hai," Kenshin answered, surprised at Seijuro's immediate questioning as to who was outside the door. 

"Raikou." As Kenshin placed his hand on the door handle, his eyes widened and the recollection of their heated argument many years ago began to flash in front of him, frame by frame, moment by drawn out moment.   
  
  
  


[ Flashback ]   
  


_Seijuro looked down at the small frame standing in front of him, the boy's sword held out to his side, as he motioned angrily with his hand. Seijuro posed a question on himself, if he had been a better father figure, would this child still have desired to leave? Or perhaps, he had been too good of a teacher, that he failed to give his student the confidence and support to help him believe that he could change the world. Maybe it was a bit of both, but it was certainly not what he intended to give the child when he brought him home that sorrow-filled day, some small number of years ago. _

"I will not allow you to leave this mountain!" Kenshin shook his head angrily at Seijuro's forbidance. Kenshin already knew that there was more to life than what he saw and did with this arrogant man; and he understood, better than most, what it was like to suffer and to lose those he loved. 

"But Master! As we speak, there are many people who are dying in the commotion! This is the time to use this power...To use the Mitsurugi Ryu for the sake of others!" Kenshin was too kind, and that kind of quality in someone of that era would only be used at his expense in the real world. Whatever influenced this child, common sense was not something that played a part in it, though Seijuro had known from the first time he saw this child that he would be anything but ordinary. Burrying those he loved, knew, or barely knew as if they were family, he simply did not expect it this quickly, and Kenshin was still very young to be entering the world on his own. 

"Baka deshi! What are you going to do in the commotion alone? If you want to change this violent world, the only strategy is to join some group. But that means...to be used for political power. I didn't teach you the Mitsurugi Ryu for that. You shouldn't worry about the outside world. Just concentrate on your training." 

"People before us are suffering... many are miserable...I can't just leave them alone!" He fought the tears that stung his eyes. He couldn't lose this argument with Seijuro, it wasn't just important to him, but it was important to those he was determined to protect. As Kenshin's teacher shook his head, he wondered if this was the same arrogance that he had taught Kenshin during his young life. 

"Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu is definitely the strongest sword technique. If you were to compare the Black Ships--" 

"That's why this is the time to use that power! To protect people from the hardships of the times. Isn't that the Mitsurugi Ryu's--" 

"A sword is a deadly weapon! Kenjutsu is a murdering technique! No matter what pretty words are used, that is the truth. You kill to protect others. You kill to let others live. This is the truth of kenjutsu. Like the time I saved you, I have killed hundreds of evildoers. But they are also human. In these dissolute times, they were struggling to live. If you leave this mountain, what's waiting for you will be people killing each other in the name of justice. Put yourself in that situation and Mitsurugi Ryu will make you a murderer." Seijuro's eyes had gone from angered, to very serious, Kenshin saw it. Even if this man exploded with anger and disgust, Kenshin was not going to give up on what he believed was the right thing to do. 

"Even so...with this power, I want to protect those who suffer. I want to protect as many people...as many lives...with these hands. For that...Master!" Kenshin retaliated. By now, Seijuro had realized that he had done the same thing, when he killed those slave traders. It was no different than what his student was explaining to him at that moment. The desire of wanting to protect the lives of the oppressed through revolution, rather than wanting to kill those men who had stolen and bought children and women from their villages. 

"I don't care about an idiot like you anymore! Just go where you want--" Seijuro snapped, annoyance echoed in his voice, and then he stopped short. He didn't mean a word of it, the last thing he wanted to do was to shove this boy out before he was fully prepared; and supposedly, that was the only thing that Kenshin needed to hear at that time. He was free to do as he pleased, no more practice, and no more harsh corrections when he did something wrong. It wasn't what Seijuro intended to say, yet it was too late to take the words back. 

"Thank you...for everything," Kenshin whispered as his master turned his back on the young boy. Seijuro heard the relief in his voice, the determination he knew that Kenshin had to meet in order to walk with his own destiny. As Seijuro walked back toward the cabin, he hoped that Kenshin would come back in and have supper with him, but he was by far too proud to willingly ask him to stay. Thus, Seijuro forced himself to come to grips with the possible fact that there was a good chance he would never see Kenshin face to face again.   
  


[ flashback over ]   
  
  
  


Seijuro's Cabin...   
  


Kenshin's hand immediately covered his eyes as he abruptly broke free of the memory, his eyes felt as if they had been stamped with scenes of what he had just seen. They flashed out of his view, outlined in gold and red lights, then he maniacally blinked them away for the last time. Shaking his head lightly, he pushed open the door and stepped inside, gently shutting the heavy wooden door behind him; marking the beginning of their final meeting. Later that night, Kenshin had consumed the same things Seijuro had been living off of for the past few weeks before his diagnosis; rice and sake. Seijuro had been diagnosed with a serious case of tuburculosis, of which he was, at the moment, suffering only mildly. This disease had been newly introduced even in the western culture, so not much was known about it. Kenshin had spent the past three hours trying to keep Seijuro's temperature down, not to mention his conversation level. 

"Shishou...talking is only going to make it worse..." Kenshin was using a damp peice of cloth to wipe away the sweat that covered Seijuro's face. He was lying on an old futon, one that Kenshin had recognized as the one he used when he was still a student of Seijuro's. A thick, cotton blanket lay over his thinning body, a half-fluffed pillow supporting his head. Seijuro's face was twisted into an expression of half pain and half worry. The sweat kept coming back to line the tops and edges of his forehead. His eyes were yellow-ish in color, while his skin was perspiring almost everywhere. 

"Kenshin...don't get too close. It's contagious..." Still telling him what to do, that was just like the man he met over 12 years ago. 

"Don't be so stubborn, you're in no position to order me around now. Besides, you don't think I know better?" 

"Remember when you left my tutelage to go on that crusade of yours? You didn't know any better then and you don't know any better now." 

"Shishou...you're wrong, I've changed so much since I left...I'm surprised you still recognize me..." _How could this man still believe he was the naive child he used to be?_

"How can I not? Your appearance is the same as when I taught you the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu 12 years ago. The hair, the form of dress, but there's something missing..." Seijuro's eyes slanted inward as if he were trying to figure out what qualities of the "old" Kenshin were missing. Kenshin's eyes looked into his master's tentatively, making sure to get his point across. The memories were unstoppable, the memories he saw in Seijuro's expression. What he saw reminded him of the days he dreaded getting up early to begin his training. 

"The smell of blood? The katana? The fierce, hate-filled look in my eyes? They aren't missing, shishou...they're gone." 

"I never trained you to be that way. But I remember you told me how you'd given that up, at the time I didn't believe you, now you're here and it's like living proof. You truly are a rurouni, Kenshin." Kenshin's eyes fell to the small rag he held in his hands, as he held it in his lap, he stared at the loose strings and inconsistencies in the embroidery pattern. 

"What helped me most of all was Kaoru-dono, I could have relapsed at any time, become the Hitokiri again, but it was her faith and trust that snapped me back all those times before. I don't know if I had it in me to remain rurouni for such a long time, if I had never met her..." 

"It sounds like this woman is very special to you..." _Since when was Seijuro Hiko ever interested in his life that much to say something like that aloud? What was this man thinking up in that arrogant head of his?_

"Hai, shishou...she is very special to me...she helped me when I couldn't help myself. She helped me without wanting a single thing in return..for that, I am truly thankful for having her in my life..." He wondered what she was doing at that moment, but hearing Seijuro's next question brought him back to attention. 

"Have you considered taking her as your wife?" Seijuro knew that Kenshin would be surprised at a question like that, especially since he claimed to be a rurouni. A rurouni had no time for a wife or even a family, _why would Seijuro even pose a question like that?_

"N-Nani? My wife?" Kenshin's eyes darted toward Seijuro's now slightly grinning expression, he was indeed caught out of sorts with the question. But, somewhere, deep inside his mind, _had he ever really considered this to be a possibility? Why would he want to follow that path again, given the events that took place the first time?_

"Have you not?" Seijuro's brows bent upwards as if to ask him once again, putting emphasis on the question more harshly than he did before. Kenshin didn't want to start a conversation like this when it would probably be the last conversation they would ever have. He wanted their last conversation to be meaningful and less about his so called "changed" life. But he didn't want to show disrespect for the one who saved him from death so many years ago, so he indulged Seijuro's interests a bit further. 

"Shishou...the last time I took a wife, I stole her happiness and with that...her life." Kenshin's eyes solemnly closed half-way, he didn't want his memories to be recalled this way, or at all for that matter. The memories he left in Kyoto were too painful, both spiritually and emotionally. Some part of him never wanted to put another woman under such pressure and pain again. He always feared that he may wind up taking another life, even if it was just by accident. 

"That may be true, but if you are as changed as you say you are, that couldn't possibly happen again, could it Kenshin?" Kenshin's expression had been distant until Seijuro spoke, then he had Kenshin's attention, although it was only in part. 

"I-I don't know...It was hard enough surrendering to love the first time as I was then. But to do it again...as I am now..." He was certainly becoming unsure of himself, _what was wrong with him?_ This visit was not supposed to be about him. He wished he could change the subject. 

"So you do love her, but you haven't considered marriage?" Seijuro proped himself up on his elbows gently, coughing lightly because his body didn't agree with the sudden bodily shift. 

"I...didn't want to get her involved with my past...she's...too pure for me..." Kenshin's small, shoulders heaved forward in an attempt to shrug off the topic, but Seijuro was having none of it, he knew Kenshin was trying to avoid the truth. But he understood his feelings, he himself never considered the marriage prospects in his own life due to the blood that stained his hands and sword. 

"Kenshin, no one is too good for anyone else, she is just as befitting for you as any other woman." Seijuro's words somehow caused Kenshin to think about what he was saying, he had a point, no matter how strange the point was. _But why was this man giving him love advice?_ This man who used to drink sake religiously and babble about how his 'baka deshi' would never know how to counter attack or use the correct sword block in time. 

"I don't know about other women...but you may be right about Kaoru...I just...haven't had the time to think on it long enough to come up with a logical answer." Maybe Seijuro was right, maybe she wasn't too pure for him, afterall, he did choose to stay with her regardless of who he was. She didn't care who he used to be, she had said so herself. _Why should there be a purity scale in their relationship?_

"Then I should let you do some thinking now, go rest Kenshin." Seijuro's body then went back onto the futon, and his face turned slightly away from Kenshin's view. 

"Shishou...you've changed, a great deal. How did you ever get rid of that hard-headed arrogance of yours? I remember you when you thought that no one was as great as you, they were nothing compared to you. I'm not saying this because I want that side of you back, I just...you're nothing like you used to be 12 years ago." Kenshin's eyes desperately sought his master's in an attempt to find out the actual truth, but was surprised to hear Seijuro explain himself verbally. His eyes never once turned to face Kenshin, not once did he turn to look at the boy he had raised as his own, the boy who had come to bid him farewell on his deathbed. 

"I've had a lot of time on my own Kenshin, a lot of time to think about my past, my mistakes. I'm older now, and much aware of who I was in the past. But with this disease, as well as the solidarity of my seclusion, it has helped me to see that my old ways were wrong. It's just a shame that I can't continue living to atone for everything I had ever done, like you are now." 

"S-Shishou..." 

"You should rest Kenshin, you've had a trying day and I'm feeling tired myself." 

"H-Hai, I will wake early so that I can tend to you for a longer amount of time." 

"No need, I'm not that bad yet..." Seijuro mildly chuckled, a cough following shortly after. Kenshin bowed respectively, then stood up and turned to take his long-awaited rest. As Kenshin took his place on the other side of the room, he watched his mentor fall asleep. This wasn't the first time he would be losing someone to a sickness, but it would be the first time he would have so many memories afterward. _Why this man?_ The only real parent-like figure he had left. Sure, he was a complete jackass sometimes, but he was a good man deep down inside. Kenshin had no doubts about his decision to leave all those years ago, but now he had the weight of guilt on his shoulders as he began to nod off to sleep. _Shishou, I understand your feelings now, more than I ever would have if I had never left. I just pray that you will find happiness in your next life; the kind of happiness you were able to find in this one._ That being his last thought, he fell into a long, restful sleep.   
  
  
  


Yokuchou...   
  


"Ken..shin..." Seijuro had become worse overnight, he was hardly able to speak without nearly coughing himself to death. Kenshin's light sleeping enabled him to hear Seijuro's weakening voice and he rushed to his side almost immediately. Seijuro's face and body was covered in perspiration, his skin was clammy and damp to the touch, but Kenshin had no real idea what to do. He figured the least he could do was to keep Hiko as comfortable as he possibly could. 

"Shishou!" 

"I won't live...very much longer..." Seijuro coughed in a deep groan, allowing the blood to bubble in his throat. His time was coming shortly, that much was obvious. 

"Shishou..don't...you're making it worse..." No more training, no more lectures, he would soon hear nothing more about or from this man. 

"We must...set it right...I won't die until it's been put...right again..." Kenshin was beginning to think that Seijuro was becoming delirious due to the progression of his sickness. But something inside his mind told him that he should have made his move to help him sooner, he should have made the effort to get to Kyoto through a faster route. 

"Nani...?" 

"Kanben...Kensh..in..." Seijuro's eyes slammed shut in fits of coughing, the blood never ceasing it's internal reign over the helpless man's body. He was bleeding internally because everytime he coughed, Kenshin would notice small trails of blood draining from the corners of Seijuro's mouth. Kenshin would have never thought of picturing his teacher this way; dying and completely helpless. Definitely not helpless. He was the thirteenth inheritor and master of the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu! _How could such a strong man die so weakly?_ He may have been an expert with the sword, but Kenshin knew that even this man before him wasn't immune to human disease. 

"N--...Nani?" Kenshin's eyes widened as far as they could go, the complete shock of what his master was asking had such an impact on him that all he could do was give him what he wanted. 

"Y-Yurusu, shishou..." 

"Yu...yurusu...Kenshin..." Seijuro's eyes jammed shut in another fit of coughing, he was definitely going to die soon. When Seijuro's seizures had begun, although they were short, the sweat would drain from his face; dampening the pillow beneath his head. 

"Here..." Kenshin took the still damp cloth and gently wiped the blood from his master's mouth. Seijuro's eyes shot open as he struggled for air, Kenshin never thought he would have to see his teacher like this. He looked like a fish out of water that had been gasping for air all it's life. The tables of dependancy had turned, in that short time of visitation, to Kenshin. 

"Ke...Kensh..." It was drawing to a close as fast as it had begun, Seijuro's life span went on longer than the doctors had expected with this new, unknown disease. They figured it was his renowned and widely talked about pessimism that kept him holding on so long. But even they knew that it would was all bound to run out sooner or later. 

"Shishou..." Kenshin wet the small cloth again and began gently wiping more of the sweat and blood from his master's now contorted face. Within a few moments he would be gone, Kenshin realized this as he saw his master's severity grow worse; although he was surprised he had lasted _this_ long. 

"Sa..sayo..nara...Kensh..in..." As Seijuro Hiko spoke his last words, Kenshin knew there was nothing he could do, no way he could help him. He just stared hopelessly and blankly as Seijuro's eyes dialated, his muscles relaxed, and his chest heaved upward for his last breath of air. 

"Sh-Shishou?" When he recieved no answer, he knew it was over. The life had passed from his teacher like the bright sunlight of morning through a pane of glass. "Chara, sensei...we are now even..." Kenshin whispered shakily, taking Seijuro's limp hand into his, gripping it tightly. Moments passed, Kenshin still held the hand of the man who gave him his name and taught him the ways of the sword. Breaking the silence of Kenshin's prayers and whispers, the sound of a carriage became evident outside. Lightly placing his deceased master's hand on the sweat-dampened blanket that still lay over him; he got to his feet and went toward the door. He heard the knock from outside, but he didn't open the door. 

"We heard there's been a death. We've come to do the necessary checks on the body." The voice was male, but it wasn't recognizable to Kenshin's ears. 

"I've arranged it so that your services will not be needed," Kenshin's voice came in heat waves from behind the door. But his words were not enough to send these people away. 

"We've been given strict orders, we are not to leave the premisis without executing them." 

"Who gave you these orders?" 

"That information is confidential." As Kenshin searched the room for any kind of weapon he could find, he saw Seijuro's katana in the far corner of the room. If Kaoru had been there, he wouldn't have thought twice about picking it up, he would have acted without it, but it was all he had to protect himself at that moment. With cat-like precision, Kenshin's now slightly shaken form slinked itself toward the location of the sword and snatched it just above the hilt, pulling it back toward the door with him. He heard another knock, and he knew that these men, whoever they were, were obviously not after Seijuro's body. His eyes saw the movement of a shadow slyly moving across the floor, someone was trying to peer through the window. 

"I said your services will not be needed!" 

"And I told you that we cannot leave until we've done our job here." Kenshin had had enough of this charade, he wanted to mourn in peace for once without the government or anyone else breathing down his neck. Another knock came as Kenshin slowly opened the door, abruptly in mid-knock. He stood there, katana drawn, ready to strike the first out of any of the four men he saw who would dare make a move. 

"How the hell could you know about a death when it has just occured in a distant, secluded area of Kyoto!?" 

"I-It's you...you've come back...the Hitokiri Battousai..." came the terrified voices of the men as they began taking several steps away from the door. He took a step outside as he watched the men take off in a frenzy for the carriage that had brought them there. 

"Shimatta, and I thought I was going to get to play today." He made sure the men had been gone for quite some time before going back into the cabin and closing the door behind him. As the door creaked shut, reality hit him once again, _what was he doing?_ Realizing the deadly weapon that was in his possession, he let the katana fall from his hands and onto the floor with a loud *clang* that seemed to echo through the room. He had broken his vow to never touch a sword again, at the very most a katana. He had regained his composure when he remembered what Kaoru had told him before he left, _"_I've always believed in you Kenshin, with Jin-e, with Gohei, with Saitou, even when you fought Sano and Shishio...I never stopped believing in you..." He looked over at the rather lifeless Seijuro, he'd been gone for quite some time. Kenshin went over to his body, knelt down beside him, and gently brushed a hand over his eyelids; closing his master's eyes forever. Seijuro Hiko's eyes played a part in saving him from those bandits that day, they saw the trouble he was in, they saw how innocent he was. Kenshin stood up and walked to the far corner opposite of Seijuro, where he found a small envelope. The kanji written clearly on the front read: "Kenshin." Like instinct, he knew it was Seijuro's will, or some form of his last wishes or words. As he opened the envelope and pulled out the neatly folded paper, it too had the same delicately written kanji. The letter was for him, but he was hesitant to read it until the first line caught his eye: "My Student: Shinta." No one had ever used that name since he came to live under the house of Seijuro Hiko, no one in Kyoto even knew of it other than him and his master. Hearing his birth name had made him feel somewhat like the child he was when Hiko had found him, ignorant in the ways of the world. He read the first line over once more, then continued with the rest of the letter. 

_My Student: Shinta, _

I am writing this letter to inform you of my last will and testament. You, being the fourteenth successor of the Hiten Mitsurugi School of Kenjutsu, are to accept whatever rights and priveledges contained within this letter. The name of Seijuro Hiko had been passed down from twelve generations before me, I became the thirteenth to inherit it. Whether or not you adopt this name as your own from this day on, is your own choice. But no matter what you do, you will always be the fourteenth successor. There is a trunk with all of my most important possessions contained in it, you will find it hidden under the fifth and sixth floorboard from the front door. My katana is passed down to you as well, but I ask one thing, never use it for the shedding of blood. My later years have allowed me to see that the use of a sword is not to gauge how much blood one can expose, but how much one can keep blood from exposing. One last thing I enclose to you through these words, my home. It is still in fine shape and can still house a family, I know you will do the right thing Shinta. The years have changed me indefinitely, I have grown much wiser in knowing the importance of dignity and respect. It isn't something you wave around in front of you like a death sentence, but something you hold inside of you. I know now, as your teacher eleven years ago I should have been more open-minded to what you wanted to do. But you see, therein lies the Socratic irony that has finally made us both realize that it was all for your own good that I did what I did. My death wasn't one of which I hoped for, although it may be that I am finally getting what I deserve for all those years of my arrogant past. So it is here that I leave you with one last word of advice: Do you remember that pretty young girl who came looking for you when you wanted me to teach you the fourth Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu succession technique a few months ago? When she told me about how much you had changed, what held my attention was how her voice was full of admiration and respect, her eyes wide and clear as if she harbored feelings which I couldn't quite identify. I came to the assumption that she may be in love with you, but I didn't press it on her, I'm sure she would rather hear it from you. I suppose you want to know my point by now, eh? Don't avoid something that is right in front of your eyes, it can disappear before you have a chance to claim it. 

Sayonara, 

Seijuro Hiko 'Shishou'   
  
In what sense was he supposed to take this letter? He knew he had no choice but to accept everything that Seijuro had given him, but he felt as if he didn't deserve it somehow. _Why was he even bothering to question it?_ It must have have been exceptionally difficult for Seijuro to write a letter such as that one. He knew it was time for him to do what needed to be done in order to finish his visit. Looking over toward the lifeless body on the other side of the room, Kenshin heaved a deep sigh and set the letter back down; knowing it was time to bury his master.   
  
  
  


Memories Return... 

  
  


Kenshin had just finished burying the body of Seijuro Hiko. His master was gone, no longer in this world of the living to give him guidance, no matter how small of an amount that may have been. He whispered a silent prayer, wishing Seijuro happiness in the afterlife that was ahead of him. He buried Seijuro's body in the same place he had buried the three deceased sisters, the bandits, and the victims of his village over 15 years ago. In the same fashion, he had gone down on his hands and knees; using his fingers to dig harshly into the soft ground. Kenshin's body released a deep, heaving sigh of depression and remembrance. It was a little over 15 years ago, which seemed so close, that his family was alive. Kenshin had not understood why they were taken from him until he learned more about the disease that had killed them when he had grown older. Had they never been killed, _what might it have been like to grow up in their guidance instead of Seijuro's?_ The best thing that could have been avoided was the Hitokiri Battousai. He may have never existed, not just in the real world, but inside himself. But the worst part was that he probably would have never met Yahiko, Sanosuke, Megumi, and most of all Tomoe and Kaoru. Bowing once more in front of the tombstone he had carved himself to match the others, he arose to his feet and dusted himself off. He had the strangest urge to visit another place where most of his emotional memories dwelled. 

"The old farm cabin...I wonder if any remnants of it are still there..." Within hours, he had traveled by foot through a few more backroads of Kyoto in order to reach his destination. When he arrived, he found everything still in its place, at least everything that he could still recognize. Upon Kenshin's arrival he not only felt memories, he heard them. A warm whispering voice came to him, feminine and sweet, but he shook it off as if it was only the wind. He had no intention of letting any memories sway him from his business here or on his journey back home. He moved slowly toward the old resting place of the cabin he had burnt to cinders years ago. Stopping just before the spot he remembered to be the front door, he knelt down to touch the ground around that area. Nothing grew inside or around the cabin-shaped patch of dead ground, the fire had completely destroyed any chance of regrowth. Pulling himself back up, he took a few more steps into the burnt area of the cabin. He remembered what he had left behind here. Yukishiro Tomoe, his first wife, he had burned her body here with the cabin after he had unintentionally killed her. 

"Himura-san..." 

"N-Nani?" The second whisper of the feminine voice caught his ears, he knew someone was there. As he turned around to face the voice that had spoken softly to him, he had seen nothing. 

"Anata...turn around..." A light breeze began to whisper through the trees, and among the sound of the wind, Kenshin caught the distinct scent of white plums. 

"T-Tomoe..?" He obligingly turned his eyes to face the voice once again and this time he saw, it was Tomoe, his beloved wife. She was still as beautiful as she was when she was alive. Her silky black hair hung about her shoulders, and her eyes had a sense of questioning and serenity locked inside of them now. 

"You can...be angry at me...anata..." 

"I've overcome my feeling of anger with you, Tomoe..." He wasn't lying, if anyone was to be mad, it should have been her. She lost her life because of him, not just once, but twice. 

"Nani? Ah...I remember, you're a rurouni now...you've given up the blade. You finally found that sheath to suppress what you were when we were together, I am proud of you." Her pale lips moved into a soft smile, placing a silent hold on Kenshin's heart. 

"You aren't real are you...?" 

"Alas, I am only in your memory, you're seeing me now because your heart longs to..." 

"You always did know how to shine light on the shadows and find the truth..." 

"I know you didn't mean to do it, anata...because I know this, I was able to forgive you for having done it." 

"Sessha...Tomoe..." He wanted desperately to explain himself, even insult his own honor for what he had done, but she kept him from doing so. 

"Himura-san, you stole the only percentage of happiness that I had, and for that I hated you. It was that hatred that brought me closer to you, from that came a happiness in me I had never imagined I was worthy of. This is what banished my hatred, replacing it with love." 

"I promised you that I would protect you..." 

"No, anata...it was my happiness that you vowed to protect, and that you did. As I died in your arms that night, I was never happier in my entire life." Her eyes sparkled with unbelievable joy, the kind he had never seen her display when she was alive. 

"Now that you're gone...I am finally able to understand the pain of your life back then." 

"Remember when you told me that as long as I was with you, you could set aside your katana?" Tomoe tilted her head slightly as if to prompt him further. 

"I remember." 

"You have accomplished this and you were no where near me." 

"No...I was closer to you than I had ever been...you were inside my heart, on my conscience, you were everywhere." Tomoe saw the truth in his eyes and she knew that he had finally found happiness without her. She was glad, seeing him suffer pained her heart deeper than she ever knew it could. 

"Go back to her, anata...don't lose her like we lost each other..." 

"K-Kaoru-dono?" Kenshin's eyes widened in disbelief. _How did she know about Kaoru?_

"She needs you, I no longer need life in this world...my work was finished when I sacrificed myself to spare your life." 

"Demo...T-Tomoe..." 

"Farewell, second man to love me." Kenshin watched as the wind ripped through the beautiful vision of his beloved wife, the scent of white plums fading from his senses. 

"Tomoe..." He knew that she was right, everything she had told him was the truth. But, _why did Seijuro and Tomoe bring Kaoru into this?_ She was never a part of his past, they only mentioned her as part of his..._future?_ He remembered the sakura trees, Kaoru had given him some sakura blossoms. Reaching into his gi, he pulled out a small leather bag that contained the delicate pink petals. He opened the bag slowly, and rummaged around inside of it, retrieving a handful of the thin blossoms. They were partially dead, but he felt that they could stand a chance here. He knelt down, and began to dig a small hole in the dead soil of the area where he had burned Tomoe's body. Upon finishing, he gently released the tiny blossoms into their final resting place, then filled the hole back in with the same dead earth. "Arigatou...Tomoe...for believing in me."   
  
  
  


Translation Notes...   
  
  


The meanings vary for how the word is used, so I'll just use the definition for the way I've used them here.

  
  
**Sessha:** This is what Kenshin uses to refer to himself, like "I." Or it can mean "this unworthy one."   
**Atashi:** This is what Kaoru uses to refer to herself, like "I."   
**Kusso:** Can be translated as "shit."   
**Shimatta:** Can be translated to "oh no," "damn," or "darn."   
**Doushite:** Literally translates to "why."   
**Kuwabara:** Literally translates to "Oh my God" or "Oh God."   
**Sumanai:** Literally translates to "sorry."   
**Itai:** Can be translated as "ouch," "painful," or "that hurts." Either one works here, but the second one sounds better.   
**Juubun:** Literally translates to "perfect."   
**Nani woi iutenno:** Can be translated to "what the hell are you saying."   
**Nande:** Literally translates to "what for."   
**Yoroshii:** Can be translated to "all right," "fine," or "okay." Either one works.   
**Anata:** Literally translates to "dear" or "you," a form of respect between lovers or husband and wife.   
**post-Bakumatsu:** The timeslot after Kenshin's many deadly battles, after he had given up the life of a Hitokiri.   
**Nani:** Literally translates to "what."   
**Gomen nasai:** Literally means "I'm sorry."   
**Arigatou:** Means "thank you."   
**Baka:** Literally translates to "idiot" or "stupid."   
**Sessha wa daijoubu de gozaru yo:** A Kenshin way of saying "I'm alright," or "I'm fine."   
**Shishou:** This is how Kenshin refers to Hiko, it's a way of saying "teacher" or "master."   
**Sore wa nande, gozaru ka:** This is a Kenshin-style way of saying "what is that" or "what would that be." Either one, but you get the point.   
**Mochiron:** Literally translates to "of course."   
**Ara:** Literally translates to "oh."   
**Doushita:** Literally translates to "what's wrong."   
**Raikou:** Literally means "enter" or "come in."   
**Kanben:** Literally means "forgiveness."   
**Hai:** Translates to "yes."   
**Daijoubu:** Can mean "I'm alright" but if implied as a question, "are you alright.   
**Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu:** The sword technique that Seijuro taught Kenshin.   
**Yurusu:** Can mean "I forgive you" or "you're forgiven."   
**Chara:** Can mean "we are now even" or "we are equal."   
**Sayonara:** Literally means "goodbye" or "farewell."   
**Konnichiwa:** Literally translates to "hello."   
**Yare yare:** Can mean "well well" or "dear me."   
  
Comments? Suggestions? Did you like it? Go ahead and email me. ^_^   
  
  
  



	3. Aishiteru

Kanashimi Ni Tamesarete Mo Chapter 3   


Kanashimi Ni Tamesarete Mo  
Chapter 3: Aishiteru  
  
Story By: Jacqui 

  
  
**Disclaimer:** No copyright infringement is intended, all characters belong solely to the creator, Watsuki Nobuhiro-sensei. I am merely 0.1% of the population of Kenshin fans out there, this is how I'm showing my appreciation for Nobuhiro-sensei's genuinely imaginative work. ^_^   
  
**Note 1:** I'm not really sure where this would take place...maybe around episode 78, but _before_ the Katsuro/Daigoro confrontations in the TV series.   
  
**Note 2:** If you have any trouble with the Japanese words and or phrases used in this fic ( because I use lots of Japanese ) , see the translation notes at the bottom for further reference.   
  
**Characters Involved:**   
  
_Himura Kenshin_  
_Kamiya Kaoru_  
_Sagara Sanosuke_  
_Tanaki Megumi_  
_Myojin Yahiko_  
  
  
  
  


Ieji...   
  


After returning back to Seijuro's cabin, Kenshin promptly began gathering his possessions, along with whatever Seijuro had left him in his farewell letter. Within a few hours, he had sold the cabin to an elderly couple in need of somewhere to live; since their home had burnt down on the outskirts of Kyoto. He had found the trunk which held Seijuro's possessions beneath the fifth and sixth floorboard from the door, just as the letter had explained. As for Seijuro's katana, he kept that hidden at the bottom of the trunk, he didn't want to give Kaoru the wrong impression. He understood what Tomoe and Seijuro wanted him to do when it came to Kaoru and their relationship, but he wondered how things might turn out if the feelings weren't mutual. As Kenshin closed the front door of the cabin where so many of his memories had remained for so long, he smiled slightly. Starting on his path back toward the dock, he avoided taking the backroads. He wanted to leave Kyoto with a clean conscience, to have the assurance that he could start over if he was to return, no matter how unlikely that would have been. Taking those roads meant something different to him now. That maybe he still felt like he wasn't worthy of being within the sight of other people, at least not without having to feel like they secretly shunned him. He no longer needed to hide. But all the while, his appearance remained the same, the unchanging form of the once deadly Hitokiri Battousai. But when he didn't get the strange looks from those whose paths he crossed day after day, or even a whisper of fear; it was almost as if that venomous Hitokiri impression had died with Seijuro. 

"Shishou, arigatou..." His darkly shaded, red-violet eyes drew themselves up toward the sky, the sunlight reflecting off his irises and glittered through his lashes. For the sake of his health and his strength, Kenshin had his things sent ahead of him two days in advance so they could be loaded onto the boat he was scheduled to board. He had been traveling for three and a half days total, and he was already close to the docking port in Kobe, Osaka. He still had quite awhile before the boat was to leave, and he knew almost exactly what he should do with that extra time. Walking through town, he saw small restaraunts, painted picture stores, and clothing boutiques. He had not eaten anything since his departure from Kyoto a few days ago, and his eyes closed gently as he caught the smell of rice and fish. He checked his quota, and he did have plenty of money on him for a small dinner. But as he started to follow the smell of fish and rice, his eyes caught sight of something inside a small booth in between two rather large booths. This booth was visibly open, unlike the others, it had no doors on the outside; not even a curtain. Tearing his aching stomach away from the thought of food for a moment, he walked calmly over to the small booth where a small elderly woman was busy folding kimonos. One kimono in particular caught his eye, a purple and white floral kimono, the same one that Kaoru destroyed in order to help him. He knew how happy Kaoru would be if she had that kimono, and without any further thought, he attempted to get the attention of the woman behind the counter. 

"A-Anone..." Kenshin wasn't sure whether or not the lady was friendly, so he took precaution with his respect-o-meter, regardless of how hungry and dead tired he was. 

"Hai?" The little lady turned around with a huge smile on her face, putting his fears of inhospitality to rest. 

"How much would you ask for that purple and white kimono, the one with the floral pattern?" Kenshin's eyes went back and forth between the woman and kimono for awhile, then they came to a stop on the woman's face, clearly resembling the act of thought. 

"How much do you have?" the woman asked in a light hearted tone. 

"Er...sessha...um..." Kenshin fumbled around inside the little bag he carried with him, hoping to find enough money to make the woman a good offer. 

"Well?" The smile on her face was still there, and Kenshin could sense that she had patience, although he could also see that he was testing hers a bit. 

"Um..." as his hand came out of the small bag, he was stunned, "...25,000 yen!?" 

"Ohhhh, that's the best offer i've had all year, you have yourself a deal um..namae wa nan desu ka?" She wanted his name. Well, not wanted, but inquired. _What was he going to tell her?_ Everyone knew who Himura Battousai was, he was sure this woman could put two and two together from Himura Kenshin. But then again... 

"Sessha wa Himura Kenshin de gozaru. Arigatou...er...?" It was his turn to exchange the questioning of names. As he gently placed the yen into the elderly woman's frail hands, she turned to retrieve the kimono he had asked her about. Upon reaching for a large, black box, she realized that he had asked her a question. 

"Oh! Gomen-nasai, Himura-san...watashi wa Matsuo Kiyomi desu," replied the woman. Kenshin watched as she carefully placed the kimono in the black box although it was a little too big for a small kimono, he couldn't help but smile. The woman's small and delicate hands took precision with placing the lid on so she wouldn't wrinkle the fabric that was now folded neatly inside. "Here you are, Himura-san," said the now very bubbly old woman, as she came toward him with the box held out in her hands. Kenshin stretched his arms out and took hold of the box, and as he held it in front of him, he noticed the design on the top was of red and gold dragons. The box in itself was a present, it was done so well, with the work of a truly skilled artist. 

"Arigatou-gozaimasu, Kiyomi-dono." With one more smile, he partially bowed in respect and turned to leave the little kimono booth. All the while he couldn't stop thinking about how much this would mean to Kaoru. He couldn't wait to see the look on her face, but mostly the look in her eyes, when he gave it to her. _Where did all that yen come from?_ He couldn't remember having that much all at once even when he was the Hitokiri, and he just happened to have it when he was buying this kimono. His glossy eyes looked once again at the box he held in his hands, then they darted back up as he heard the horn of the boat go off to signal that it would be leaving soon. As Kenshin tucked the box under his right arm and ran as fast as he could toward his nearly departing ride home, he remembered that Kiyomi had not known who he was from anyone else who came along. For that, he was thankful, he could now get home without any trouble.   
  
  
  


Kitaku...   
  


When Kenshin arrived in Tokyo three days later, he was famished, tired, and his metabolism was very low. Considering he was in the best of shape in the past and this would have never affected him so much as it did now. He knew it had to be his age, and the fact that he had given up his hardcore Hitokiri life. Being the killer he was had forced him to train and train hard, and he no longer needed to do that, which put him somewhat out of shape. Due to his extreme laziness at one point or another, Kenshin decided against walking home from the docking bay and simply took a carriage back to the Kamiya Dojo where he knew his friends would be waiting. The small black buggy made a surprisingly nice trip back, although it erked Kenshin a little to hear the horse whiny from time to time because he thought that there might be trouble. To hear the sound of the wheels cracking and crunching over the loose stones, pebbles and dirt all in one area made him feel like he was home. Upon boarding the carriage back at the dock, Kenshin had placed the black box in the trunk that Seijuro had left him, he didn't want it to be noticed by anyone before Kaoru got the chance to see it. He was almost there, he stuck his head out of the window on the small carriage door, he could see the dojo from an angle. Megumi was the first to come into his line of view, she was in the back washing blankets and clothes, while Yahiko and Sanosuke were the second to come into view. The carriage pulled up slowly on the dusty road, stopping a little off center from the entryway of the Kamiya Dojo. As Kenshin slowly exited the carriage, his eyes took a look around him to try and notice any possible changes. The sakura trees were still in full bloom, still leaving their remnants of withered petals lying scattered on the ground below the branches they fell from. The mild afternoon breeze was feathering through his hair, and he filled his lungs with the scent of spring as he took a deep breath. But as he released that breath in a soft sigh, he almost fell over when he saw he first saw his friends, they were...lounging on the front deck of the dojo?! As Kenshin exited the carriage, he couldn't believe how lazy they had become. 

"Yo, Kenshin! It's about time you got back, now this place can finally get clean," hollered Sanosuke in that husky voice of his. Okay, maybe he could believe how lazy they had become. "Megumi and Jo-chan have been slacking off on their duties as the women around this place!" 

"Oro?!" Kenshin fled up the steps and directly through the front door of the dojo. His jaw nearly dropped as he saw clothes strewn everywhere, blankets and pillows laying about on the floor, a potted bonzai plant that had fallen over, and a few plaques that had been hanging crookedly on the wall. Sighing heavily, he scratched the back of his head, "oorrroooo...t-tadaima." Sanosuke and Yahiko had hauled Kenshin's things into his room from the carriage, while Megumi stood outside, flirting with the naive young coachman. 

"Is that so?" Megumi asked with her accompanying 'ho ho ho' laugh, the teasing fox ears beginning to grow. 

"Oh yes, I can lift almost two times my own weight!" The ecstatic young man was obviously showing off because he was getting a major ego boost from Megumi's constant 'ooh ahh'ing. Megumi knew just when to laugh and push the younger men to a point where they were blushing and nervously laughing with her, and this kid was falling for it hard. 

"Well, would you like to show me sometime what else you can do wi--" Sanosuke's hand tightly gripped Megumi's arm as he cut her short. She turned around just in time to see the sly grin on his face as he knew he had ruined her fun. _Why did this yakuza always get like this when she was only having some harmless fun? Was he jealous? How could anyone like him be jealous of anything?_ It wasn't like he had his name written on her or anything. _What did he expect her to do, fall madly in love with him at first sight of his 'masculinity'?_ He had another thing coming. 

"Hey fox! You're needed for unloading!" Sanosuke's eyes fell to a slant and his hand tightened a little around her arm when he saw her turn to the coachman to give him a meekly adorable smile. _Why did she always have to try and intimidate the crap out of him like that? And why did it usually work?_ He never did these kinds of things with other women he met, _so why was he doing it now?_

"Yeah Megumi-san! Help would be appreciated!" Yahiko laughed under his breath. Sanosuke and Megumi remained outside arguing in front of the poor clueless coachman, who was actually beginning to think that they were married. Kenshin saw his chance and took leave to Kaoru's room, noticing that her door was slightly ajar. 

"Kaoru-dono?" He saw that her futon was still unrolled, and she was sitting at the end of it, facing the wall. 

"Kenshin?" She turned around upon hearing the voice of the red-headed rurouni she had worried so much about over the past week. Kenshin's eyes seemed to glow as they gazed upon the happiness that was spreading over her face, he came to the realization that he truly missed seeing her face while he was gone. The coal black shininess in her hair as the sun caught it, the beautiful sparkle in her eyes when she spoke his name, he missed it so much. She was also wearing a beautiful pale blue and white kimono that day, the pale blue made the vivacious blues in her eyes stand out so much more than before. Now that he was finally able to see it again, it eased the pain of his loss, regardless of the extent. Knowing that he had Kaoru to come home to, along with the other three bickering fools outside, made him realize that he really did have a family that loved him and worried about him. Blood was simply another kind of liquid at that point, it had no part in his mind or his heart, these people were his family. _But what was Kaoru to him if she was family? What part of his family? A sister? A mother-figure? A...wife?_

"Konnichiwa, I've returned to you in one peice." His smile revealed itself although his questioning mind was running at full speed. 

"Kenshin!" She jumped up almost immediately and wrapped her arms around him. "I protected your sakabatou while you were away, and, and, I finally got Yahiko to stop calling me busu, and...I was so worried about you, Kenshin!" His chest was beginning to ache again, not from the strain of her weight, but from the pounding of his heart. Never, since Tomoe, did any woman ever make his heart act up as it did at that moment. But Kaoru was so different from Tomoe, he couldn't read Tomoe a lot of the time, but he expected this kind of thing from Kaoru, he could read her almost indefinitely. Kaoru was so open with her emotions, she wasn't afraid to let someone know if she was hurting or suffering, especially if she was happy or overjoyed. That was the inner beauty that complimented her outer beauty, she was one of the best things that had ever happened to him. He had never seen this much specialness in one woman since Tomoe, _but why was he just beginning to see this before and even after the death of Seijuro? Was his death a test or a warning?_ The sadness that came with Seijuro's death brought on a whole new challenge for Kenshin, but it also brought on a whole new outlook on his feelings for Kaoru. Seijuro was right about what he had told him, as well as what Tomoe told him, he loved her. Deep down in the farthest corner of his soul, he knew he loved her from the moment she claimed that she wanted 'Kenshin' to stay, not the 'Battousai.' _But how in the world had he ever expected to tell her about his feelings?_

"Yare yare, Kaoru-dono." His arms went around her tightly for a moment, but released her as he heard her make a sound of surprise. Her eyes were staring at him with confusion and questioning, he almost knew what she was going to say. 

"You still look like the--" 

"I know. But I plan on putting away this appearance forever now that my business in Kyoto is finished." Her eyes focused only on his, not wanting to see anything else because the rest of it wasn't Kenshin. His eyes reflected who he truly was, how and who she knew him to be. _What did he expect her to do upon returning with his Hitokiri appearance still in tact?_ She wasn't scared of it anymore, but merely at a loss for words over it. She never understood why he went to Kyoto looking like that in the first place, but she didn't dare question it because she knew that Kenshin had his reasons for everything he did and said. She trusted his reasons more than her own questions, but one of these days, she would find out everything about him; she had held him to his promise. 

"Kenshin..." Kaoru's eyes sparkled as her face turned to an angle. What she was about to ask him would take quite a lot of courage on her part, she felt as if she was pressuring him to do something he might not be ready to do yet, but she wanted the Kenshin that she was used to seeing. 

"Oro? Hai, Kaoru-dono?" As Kenshin's 'oro' face appeared, his eyes locked onto her small frame, waiting for her to continue. 

"Can you put away this appearance right now?" Hearing this, she watched his mouth curve into a relieved smile as his confused look just melted away. 

"Mochiron, Kaoru-dono, mochiron..." He turned to go and indulge Kaoru's request, but stopped half-way out the door and turned back to face her. "Kaoru-dono...will you wait here for me?" He had a sort of playful look on his face that Kaoru couldn't help but giggle at as she nodded in agreement. 

"Hai hai, now go and change before I lose my mind." She shooed him out of her room and left the door open just enough for her to see him return. He entered his room and shut the door behind him, immediately going for a silver and black plated trunk in the far right corner. Kneeling down before it, he lifted the lid to find his dark magenta and white uniform. It was still neatly folded on top of everything else the trunk contained. He pulled the clothes out of the trunk, and closed the lid gently, remembering that he actually had breakables in there. As he slipped out of his 'Hitokiri' clothing, he let it fall to the floor, then he kicked it to the side. Finally, as quick as he could, he slipped into the 'Kenshin' clothing that Kaoru was used to seeing him in. No man would do things like this on a woman's whim if he didn't feel something for her, _would he?_ As he finished tying the belt around his waist, he went over to the trunk he inherited from Seijuro, which held the present he had bought for Kaoru on his way home. The large black, rectangle shaped box really did look a little out of the ordinary, the delicately painted red and gold dragons on the lid seemed as if they were beckoning the holder to open it. He was ready to do this, or at least he felt that he was ready. _How would he react if she didn't feel the same? What in the world would their relationship be like after that?_ It definitely wouldn't be very open, especially if Kaoru knew how he felt about her and she wasn't 'in the same boat,' as he tried to remember that western saying. Opening the door to his room, he stepped out and shut the door behind him. Then he silently tip-toed his way to Kaoru's room, so she wouldn't hear him. Her door was still open, just enough for him to execute his thought-up-at-the-last-minute plan. 

"Kaoru-dono..." he whispered lightly, weaving his hand through the small slit in the door to curl his index finger in an attempt to get her to come out. She blinked, confused, and he was gone. 

"Kenshin?" She jumped up, opened the door and poked her head out to look around. No sign of anyone. "Kenshin?" She stepped out of her room, and walked toward the front entrance of the dojo. Sanosuke, Megumi, and Yahiko were all standing there with expressions on their faces suggesting that they knew something and she didn't. They were all pointing toward the sakura trees, one hand over their wickedly grinning mouths to prevent themselves from giving it away. Kaoru picked up on the gist of what they were trying to tell her, and she rolled her eyes as she passed each of them. As soon as she was outside, she found herself practically running toward the sakura trees.   
  
  
  


The Sakura Trees...   
  


When she finally reached the small sakura forest, her lungs burned with pain from being out of breath. She stumbled over to a sakura tree and let her small body fall against it for support. As she remained there, her chest began to ache as her heart began beating faster with each thought she had. _Where had he gone so quickly?_ He had not mentioned anything that happened in Kyoto, _was he trying to simply ignore it and make it go away by playing these games with her?_ Maybe he might ask her to...oh of course not, _why would he do a thing like that?_ They hardly knew each other, and besides, he thought he was too 'defiled' for her to touch him. She scoffed lightly at that thought as she began to regain her breath, allowing her eyes to calmly search the area for any sign of her strangely departed friend. She felt a hand on her wrist, but she was too late to react against it. Her small body was spun to the other side of the tree by an unknown person, but her fear-filled eyes calmed as they recognized the person standing in front of her. Kenshin. He was simply standing there, arms now folded in front of him in a mockingly impatient pose. She could see every glint of light that reflected, as well as absorbed, into the hard and soft hued violets of his eyes. She had never seen him looking so handsome as he did then, but she could barely do a thing but stare at him as if she were in a trance. 

"Kaoru-dono...it took you long enough..." The corners of his mouth sliding outward into a coy grin. 

"What is this all about, Kenshin?" She wasn't quite sure what to make from all of this, but she had a feeling something was going to happen that would change both of their lives. She had never seen Kenshin act this way in the many months of their lives together, _what was he planning?_ Her heart was still pounding in that terribly fast rhythm, she was afraid it would break through the ribcage that held it inside her chest. 

"I have a confession. I knew this would be the perfect place to tell you, because you love sakura blossoms." The emotions he felt for her were getting stronger with every minute of his confession, he knew it wouldn't be long now before she knew him inside and out. Her eyes were filled with innocent thoughts, he knew she was trying to figure out why he had led her all the way back to these trees. _Did he really feel that he was ready for this?_ He had never proposed marriage before, the first time marriage had become a prospect for him; it was imposed and he had no other alternative. _What if he completely forgot what to say?_ No, he had to keep a clear mind and tell her exactly what was in his heart, although if his didn't stop slamming so hard against his chest she would get to see it firsthand. 

"But...but what do sakura blossoms h-have to do with your confession?" They both stood incredibly still. She watched as he came closer to her, and as his right arm stretched out, his palm rested next to her on the bark of the tree. He heard her laugh nervously as they both heard the crunching and snapping of bark under the supreme weight of Kenshin's fingers. His face was still a few feet away from hers, as was the rest of his body. His bangs were hanging low over his eyes, even though she could still see them as clear as always; she saw something else that almost gave Kenshin's soon-to-be-told secret away. The soft red curves of his bangs softly pulsated, moving back and forth in the rhythm of a fast, but steady heartbeat. She had no clue about what to make of it. Suddenly, his face and his body inched in closer to her, then they were only a few centimeters from one another. She could feel his light breath against her skin as his eyes stared into hers. _What was he searching for? Why doesn't he just admit his confession?_ After a few moments, she watched as Kenshin lightly dampened his lips and drew the palms of his hands inward to rest on either side of her face. She gasped as she felt his relatively warm hands touch her mildly cool skin, and at that very moment, it was as if their hearts began to thrash inside their bodies at the same breath-taking rhythm. As Kenshin held her beautifully clueless face in his hands, their eyes caught each others' in an unshakable trance of what seemed like perpetual bliss. 

"Like you love sakura blossoms...I love you." His words fell like rain on the crops of the early Japanese farmers, causing Kaoru's emotions to grow at an unsteady pace. She never would have expected to hear something like that from Kenshin, especially not now. 

"N-Nani?" The blues in her eyes spiraled in a daze, she was knocked for a complete loop at what she had just heard. _He loved her?_ She had never been loved by any man other than her father, and that was a different love all together in the first place. _But could this be real love? Was he even so serious as to have the faintest notion of how this could change their lives?_ She heard him laugh lightly, moving in a little closer so that his lips were seconds from her ear, whispering his confession once again to make sure it got through to her. 

"Kaoru-dono...ai...shi...te...ru..." He wanted to kiss her right then, but he decided against it and found that it would be better if he knew her feelings before he took this any further. He smiled, letting his hands fall to his sides as he stepped a few inches back from her. She was obviously shocked, _but was that a good or bad thing?_ He had never told a woman that he loved her, at least not flat out like that. He showed it, he probably even thought and felt it, but he never mentioned the romantic sense of the word to anyone, even when he was with Tomoe. 

"Kenshin...ata...atashi.." Her eyes followed him backward, she simply couldn't believe what she was hearing, but she still had to tell him how she felt. Telling him her feelings was the part that scared her the most because she didn't want to hurt him or bring him too high for his own good. 

"I have something for you...I bought it for you while I was in Osaka..." He turned around briefly to snatch the black box from behind a large grey rock, as he held it, he remained with his back to her. The lid was placed on the box so carefully that he knew he would have a hard time opening it, but he had claimed a stubborn streak and decided to try and pry the lid off. Kaoru noticed that Kenshin was trying to open something, although what it was, she didn't know. Her paled eyes stared at him from behind, and she caught sight of a feature of his past that he failed to put to rest. He had not taken his hair down from that Hitokiri-like ponytail, and her eyes almost brimmed with tears to see him that way, it just wasn't Kenshin. She brushed the tears from the corners of her eyes and stepped up behind him. She knew that he wouldn't attack her this time because he had already known she was there, plus, she cleared her throat every so often as she got closer to him; for extra precaution. As she lifted her hands to untie the cord that held his hair, she felt him jump lightly under her touch. Pulling the cord free, she watched as his hair fell in loose ribbons behind him, while a few thick strands hung about his shoulders. In the same instant he abandoned his task and turned to confront her, their eyes met again, only this time they could almost sense each others feelings. 

"Kenshin, atashi--" 

"Shhhhh..." he barely touched his index finger to her lips, hushing her with the serene look that danced in his eyes. Smiling softly, he pryed the lid open with a few simple pulls from each corner of the lid. _Why didn't he think of that before?_ As he turned back around to face her, he handed her the box with both hands. What Kaoru saw almost made her break into tears. The box contained a brand new kimono that was an exact duplicate of the one she had willingly ruined to make a bandage for Kenshin's hand. Kaoru's mind began to wander, _why did he do this? Where did he get that kind of money? What was he thinking when he bought it?_ She helped him out of the goodness of her heart, the kimono meant nothing to her compared to Kenshin's health. They were so close, and she had not moved from her spot when she had taken it upon herself to dislocate his ponytail of silky red hair. 

"Ke..Kenshin..." Her eyes were still focused on the kimono in sheer awe, she had no idea he would do something like this for her. "...Atashi...arig--" he pressed his middle and index fingers gently to her lips this time, silencing her once more. Her eyes immediately magnetized to his expression, which mirrored total seriousness. 

"Kaoru-dono...before we both say anymore...I need to hear it from you first, I-I need to know what you're feeling..." As he let his fingers slide from her lips to give her a chance to answer, he found that it took a little effort on her part just to get her thoughts straight; Kami-sama only knew how cluttered they must have been with everything he had told her. 

"Ai...aishiteru Ken...shin...aishiteru..." She repeated it to herself over and over, finally allowing the tears to break through the barrier of her thick black lashes. Realizing for the first time that she truly loved him, her feelings were always such a mystery when it came to this man, but now they were magnified ten-fold. They both knew, and they both were ingulfed in the truth of their once hidden emotions. They had definitely always respected, cared for, and admired one another for so many different reasons, but never had they both admitted to any of it verbally. It was always such a play for them, they do little things to show their concern or feelings for each other, but when it came down to it, they were still lying to themselves about what they were really missing. The fuse had been lit so many months ago, it was just waiting for the detonation that would come from the crystal clear truth they kept deep within their hearts. 

"Good. Kamiya Kaoru...will you...will you marry me?" As her eyes fell closed, he watched the tears stream in hot, transparent trails down the sides of her face. Her mouth curved into one of the most happiest smiles he had ever seen, especially from her. 

"Saranari Kenshin...saranari..." Now, with that reply, what should have crossed his mind was that she might not be ready for marriage, but a back-up thought surfaced quickly to re-assure him that this was going to start out as a betrothal; not an immediate wedding. They had plenty of time to make it to the wedding stage of their life, for now, he just wanted them to grow as close as they possibly could. So, hearing her whispered agreement, he leaned in just enough to feel his lips brush against hers lightly, replying with the same soft whisper. 

"Utsukushii Kaoru-dono...aishiteru....itsumademo..." Kenshin's arms eased their way around Kaoru's back as he pulled her body closer, letting his lips touch hers in a gentle kiss. They both knew nothing was left unsaid, it was all out in the open now, they didn't have to hide their feelings from each other ever again. As Kaoru wrapped her arms delicately around his neck, Kenshin lifted her into his embrace, holding her as close to him as he was allowed. Their heartbeats had long since calmed down, although they remained beating in precisely the same rapid rhythm. He carried her to a much more secluded area of sakura trees where no one could interrupt them. Upon reaching his destination, he gently let her down onto the cool grass below. Then, as if it had been on impulse, he slowly sat down with his back against one of the bigger sakura trees. Once he had made himself comfortable, he grasped Kaoru's hand with both of his and tenderly pulled her into his arms. As she lay there, wrapped up in strong, protective embrace, she had never felt the immortal security she had felt then. It was like nothing could tear them apart anymore, not sad memories of the past, not even the embarrassment of telling each other their feelings. Just as Kenshin was about to say something, Kaoru inched herself up a bit, and allowed her face to turn toward his. He loosened his grip around her slightly, letting her body move in between his body and his arms. She brought one hand up, touching the tips of her fingers to the sides of his face. First, she traced over his scars with her delicate fingertips, then she trailed down his jawline, and finally back up to softly caress his lips. His eyes shifted back and forth between her eyes and her mouth, he wanted to kill himself for feeling like he had won her over already. She wanted to touch his face more, she felt that if she could do this, she would be able to finally understand the pain and suffering he had been through, even it if was just a fraction of understanding. She began to lift her delicate arms, but she was stopped short when Kenshin's strong hands gently enveloped her tiny wrists, holding them in between their bodies. 

"Daijoubu Kenshin?" She just stared at him as she had done something wrong, but that notion was quickly put to rest as he pulled her toward him, his hands still around her wrists. Their lips met once again in a sultry, passionate kiss. But this time she noticed that he didn't hold anything back. He freed her wrists so that he could place his hands on either side of her face again, and as he did this, she took her chance. Her arms slowly came up, and her fingers easily snaked through his soft red hair. She had never known this feeling, to be madly in love with someone, to have them madly in love with her, and they both knew their own feelings as well as each others. She fell into a world of sheer paradise, her love for this man had grown in such a short time, she couldn't believe how stupid she was not to have noticed it sooner. Kenshin broke the kiss gently, allowing them both to breath, then their eyes found each others. She didn't even notice as he brought one hand up, mingling his fingers within her hair. It was so soft, full of shine and glowing with it's normal jet black radiance. They both smiled in unison, and as Kaoru turned back around to get comfortable again. Her long, thin fingers found their way in between his, and he encircled his arms around her tightly, their hands still entwined. They both settled their bodies down as if they were going to rest. But Kenshin spent the rest of the day and following weeks keeping his promise to Kaoru, he held her close to him as he began to tell her all about his past.   
  
  
  


_Translation Notes_   
  
The meanings vary for how the word is used, so I'll just use the definition for the way I've used them here.   
  
**Konnichiwa:** Literally translates to "hello."   
**Yare yare:** Can mean "oh dear" or "dear me."   
**Saranari:** Literally translates to "of course."   
**Atashi:** Kaoru's ( or female ) way of saying "I."   
**Aishiteru:** Can be translated as "I love you."   
**Utsukushii:** Literally translates to "beautiful."   
**Nani:** Literally translates to "what."   
**Itsumademo:** Literally translates to "forever" or "eternally."   
**Mochiron:** Can mean "certainly," "of course," or "naturally." The first two work way better because they are more formal than the third.   
**Oro:** Kenshin fans should know this. But it you don't, it's Kenshin-style for being surprised or caught off guard.   
**Hai:** Literally means "yes."   
**Arigatou:** Literally means thank you.   
**Watashi wa Kiyomi Matsuo desu:** Literally means "my name is Kiyomi Matsuo."   
**Sessha wa Himura Kenshin de gozaru:** Literally means "my name is Himura Kenshin." The de gozaru part is just Kenshin's way of respect, he uses this alot I've noticed. ^_^;   
**Namae wa nan desu ka:** Basically means "what is your name."   
**Gomen-nasai:** Literally means "sorry."   
**Anone:** Litereally means "excuse me."   
**Shishou:** Again, this is what Kenshin called Seijuro, it meant "master" or "teacher".   
**Ieji:** Literally means "the road home."   
**Kitaku:** Literally means "returning home."   
**25,000 yen:** anyone know how much this is equivelant to in dollars? I remember seeing it somewhere and I know I have the yen right, I just need the dollar transition. For the Meiji Era the Japanese currency to American currency was way different, if you could help me I'd really be happy ^_^.   
  
Comments? Suggestions? Did you like it? Go ahead and email me. ^_^   
  
  
  



	4. Yorokobi

Kanashimi Ni Tamesarete Mo Chapter 4   


Kanashimi Ni Tamesarete Mo  
Chapter 4: Yorokobi  
  
Story By: Jacqui 

  
  
**Disclaimer:** No copyright infringement is intended, all characters belong solely to the creator, Watsuki Nobuhiro-sensei. I am merely 0.1% of the population of Kenshin fans out there, this is how I'm showing my appreciation for Nobuhiro-sensei's genuinely imaginative work. ^_^   
  
**Note 1:** I'm not really sure where this would take place...maybe around episode 78, but _before_ the Katsuro/Daigoro confrontations in the TV series.   
  
**Note 2:** The Japanese reference is at the bottom. I came up with a new way to make it easier when reading. Go to the end of the story, copy the translations, and paste them into a notepad or wordpad document, and then make it so both the story and the translations fit on the screen so you won't have to go up and down to look for meanings. OR, you can just open the story again in another window, and scroll to the end. Much easier. When a word comes up that you don't understand, look to the other window for translation, and you won't lose your place! ^_^   
  
**Characters Involved:**  
_Himura Kenshin_  
_Kamiya Kaoru_  
_Sagara Sanosuke_  
_Tanaki Megumi_  
_Myojin Yahiko_  
_'Hikage Tora'_   
  
  
  


Yokugetsu...   
  


She was in his room again. Kaoru had been doing that alot lately. Sneaking into Kenshin's room to watch him as he slept. _Why did she do this?_ Everyone slept at one point or another, _why was it so important that she watch Kenshin do it?_ It wasn't really that it was important, it was her heart's way of making sense of everything that had happened over the past month. He had bought her a new kimono to replace the one she ruined to make a bandage for him, which was shock enough. But, something made her think that this betrothal was based on something more than what he made it to be. _Did he really mean any of the things he told her that day?_ And his past. His past was something she would have to get used to. Yukishiro Tomoe was a woman she would now have to compare to, or at least that's how it appeared to Kaoru. It was somewhat painful to Kaoru to know that she couldn't be the first love of his life, but even amidst that fact, he loved her differently than Tomoe; _wouldn't that make her his first love in some way? How was she going to make herself into the wife he needed, instead of being held down by the ghost of the first wife he lost because of his need for her [Tomoe]?_ She couldn't make sense of it, she almost feared that he would lose her if they began needing one another too much in the end. She had positioned herself so that she was sitting with her back against the wall, legs curled under her body, with her hands lying loosely in her lap. He was so tranquil, she wanted so much to picture him this way forever, she loved to see him this way. 

"Kenshin...waga koi..." she whispered to herself, and him, as she tilted her head to rest on the wall behind her. Her tender blue eyes moved over Kenshin's sleeping form as she smiled softly. This man had asked her to marry him no less than a month ago. All those times it occured in her mind, the real thing commited a sort of treachery to her dreams. Kaoru began believing that she couldn't dream quite enough to equal the beauty of reality, Kenshin had sincerely asked her to be his wife. But Kenshin had become a little distant as of late, and she had no idea what was going on. _What happened in Kyoto before he returned from his trip?_ She wanted to be closer to him, closer than anyone had ever been; as selfish as that sounded, she needed him. Gently, and almost soundlessly, she pushed her body from the wall. She placed her hands softly on the floor, and stretched her legs out slightly as she began quietly crawling toward her sleeping Kenshin. As she came to a stop at his immediate left, her breath almost caught in her throat as she gazed at him. Those soft, fiery-red tresses that were normally tied back had fallen all around his body. His left hand rested above his head, mingled inside the amber shine of his hair; while his face had the most innocuous look. As she briefly watched his chest rise and fall at a steady rate of breathing, her eyes went back to his hair. The resplendent shade was almost begging her to touch it, but she held herself back. She was still partially unsure if he would awake, only to end up attacking her again. She placed a palm over her heart to reassure herself that this wasn't some crazy dream of hers, and when she felt the unfaltering rhythm, she released a sigh of relief. 

"K-Kaoru-dono..." Kenshin whispered almost out of nowhere. Kaoru nearly jumped out of her skin as her eyes fell down to Kenshin's face. She pulled a hand up and waved it in front of his eyes, as if she expected him to react to it. When the room had fallen silent again, he turned his face away from her view and resumed his sleeping state. He was so beautiful when he slept, unaware that she was there, her watchful eyes remaining on him. She never knew how to quite explain how he made her feel when she saw him this way. The innocence and calmness of the atmosphere around them seemed to singe her heart deep inside. He made her feel so tangible, yet, she could barely tell what he was thinking more than half the time. 

"Kenshin, why do you want _me?_" She couldn't help it, even though she whispered the words to him, they seemed to bounce off the walls of the room and echo through the whole dojo. It was almost time for everyone to wake up, she sighed lightly as the faint glow of the rising sun penetrated through the small window in the room. She arose to her feet as quietly as she could, taking a little longer to watch the first rays of the sun circulate through his hair. As the sun highlighted the long, thickness of red and orange strands, they seemed to glow in caustic reply to her gaze, causing her to turn from him. Then, she silently made her way toward the exit, and as she slipped out, she giggled lightly to herself; gently sliding the door closed behind her. She almost fell for it, which was funny because it was like Kenshin's hair alone had a mind of its own when it called to her that way. 

The morning sun had finally come out, and Kaoru had many things to do that day. She lightly pushed the thin wood and paper doors open at the entrance of the dojo, and stepped onto the deck outside. The birds were calling to one another from various places all around her, she then took a breath and closed her eyes, savoring the semi-stillness for as long as she could. She felt as if the birds even knew about her and Kenshin, with that thought, she blushed lightly. As she opened her eyes slowly, she felt that she wasn't alone on the deck anymore, and it was then that she felt the light pressure of someone's hand on her shoulder. 

"Ohayou, Jo-chan." It was Sanosuke. The moron had to stay the night at the dojo because he was being chased by some gambling partners of his for a bet that he backed out on. For one reason or another, the bet must have been crooked or rigged because Sanosuke never backed out on a bet; it wasn't his style. Regardless, he needed some place to stay. He couldn't follow his newly acquired 'crash here, crash there' routine with his friends anymore now that they were after him. But even though his friends were looking for him, they weren't out for blood, they merely wanted to bicker and complain at him for his cop-out. 

"Sano? When did you get up?" Kaoru turned around to find that he was wide-awake, he had not slept at all. 

"Those idiots are still after me, I've been up all night." 

"Honestly Sano, why don't you just go tell them why you backed out?" Kaoru waved a hand of disapproval as she passed Sano while heading back into the dojo. 

"That never occured to me, but...I wouldn't do that anyway if it had occured to me. I have a reputation to uphold!" At that short speech, Kaoru turned to face the wide awake ex-gangster. His eyes slanted as the corners of his mouth moved into a sly grin. 

"You're only making it worse, running from them is only going to make them think less of you, you know." She felt the pressure growing between them, as innocent as her little game was, she knew she had better stop before he blew up. As she headed toward her room in the back of the dojo, she heard Sano scoff lightly at her words before he took off to find Megumi. She walked past the dojo practice room first, then slowly down the small hallway to her room, she heard Yahiko lightly snoring as she passed his door. She held her breath as she made ready to pass Kenshin's room, she didn't want to wake him up yet. She had almost passed his door when she felt the light grasp around her right wrist. 

"Ohayou de gozaru, Kaoru-dono." Kaoru's jaw dropped slightly as she froze in mid-step, the air felt like it was knocked out of her. 

"H-How..." she began to protest. But he answered her before she could fully question him. 

"I heard the floorboards move," Kenshin whispered as he pointed downward with his free hand. Without another word, Kenshin pushed his door open lightly with the heel of his foot, gently pulling Kaoru inside with him. Her eyes grew wider with thought as he stuck his head outside, looked around quickly, then slid the door shut in front of him. 

"K-Kenshin..now isn't--" 

"Oro?" He turned to face her as he heard her beginning to question him. 

"Yahiko-chan hasn't even left to help at the Akabeko yet..." Kaoru whispered as low as she could. Kenshin finally realized what she was talking about, and if it wasn't for the sun that had splashed over him, the color of his face could have matched that of his hair. 

"Eh..Kaoru-dono...sessha.." He couldn't find the words to explain that she had his intentions pinned wrongly. 

"You mean...y-you didn't..." Kenshin simply shook his head, letting his eyes fall to the floor in sheer embarrassment. They both stood there for the longest time, trying to tell what each other was thinking. Kenshin lifted his head, wanting to break the silence, he cleared his throat and began to explain himself. 

"I just wanted to ask you something..." He scratched the back of his head, releasing a deep sigh as if that was the hardest thing he had ever said. 

"Demo...I thought..." Kenshin saw the big imaginary waves of embarrassment all around her. He took that as his que to move closer to her, reassured that she was too shocked to notice. Before Kaoru realized that he had moved at all, both of his hands were resting lightly on either side of her face. 

"Actually, I think we should wait for that until we are married. Don't you agree?" Kaoru nodded a few times, then went completely still. Her eyes were fixed on him, she was captivated by how serene he seemed to be about everything now. He watched silently as her hands moved up, then his eyes gently fell closed as he felt the warmth of her fingers encircling his hands. 

"Kenshin. What did you want to ask me before?" He jumped to attention at the sound of her voice, opening his eyes to begin his small questionaire. 

"Well..." he began, "remember when I told you about my past?" 

"Hai. What part of your past?" 

"Tomoe..." as his words trailed off, her eyes never moved. She had to deal with this, even if he still found it hard for himself, but it was almost as if he was ashamed to speak his first wife's name. 

"Kenshin? What about Tomoe?" Their gaze met, and the violets of his eyes penetrated the blue depths of her own. He found it almost impossible to ask her what was on his mind at that moment, but he had to do it before his chance never came again. He leaned in closer to her, resting his forehead against hers. He lifted her face up toward him slightly, keeping their eyes focused on one another. He wanted a real answer from her this time, nothing that could mean yes or nothing that could mean no. 

"Promise me...that you won't compare yourself to her," with the question posed, she felt that his gaze was slipping away from her; like he knew he shouldn't have asked her to do such a thing. But she allowed her hands to move away from their grasp on his so she could keep his face in line with hers. As the palms of her hands touched either side of his face, he realized that she didn't want him to falter on her. She held him steadily, dark violet unable to find refuge anywhere else but in the dark blue that patiently waited for him to relax. She felt the muscles tighten in his jaw as she began to speak up. 

"I..I promise, Kenshin," she whispered in reply. Her long black lashes fell and rose as she watched him process what he had just heard. When neither of them had said anything for a few moments, she pressed her promise further, wanting him to be as certain with her answer as she was. "Kenshin...I won't--" 

"Arigatou de gozaru, Kaoru-dono." She heard him breath a sigh of relief as he released his hold on her. With that, they both dropped their hands to their sides. But their eyes remained still, never moving from their places. "I wasn't...sure that you would answer that quickly, but you sounded a little skeptical." 

"I can do this Kenshin. I know how different I am from Tomoe...I have to be able to live up to what you want, without having to be the woman you first fell in love with over 12 years ago." She no longer needed to cry, although she felt the urge welling up behind her eyes. She wasn't going to cry anymore, she had to grow up and face reality. 

"I've watched how strong you've become since my return from Kyoto, and I know I can trust you to be true to your promise." He nodded gently as if to question her further, and he watched her nod in confirmation. 

"I had better go wake Yahiko-chan. Tsubame-chan will be upset if he isn't there today." Kenshin felt her delicate hands close around his, squeezing them gently. Then, as she turned to leave, he felt her fingers sliding away from their grip on his hands. But before she could get any further than a few feet away, he grasped her closest hand, as if he prohibited her from reaching the door. 

"One more thing, Kaoru..." his heart skipped a beat at what he was about to do, but mostly at the use of her name without the honorific attached. 

"Kaoru..?" Before she could get a single thought in her head, Kenshin had silenced her from speaking and thinking. He slowly pulled her toward him, resting her back gently against the wall. His hands felt hot against her cool skin, she also noticed that his breathing had mildly accelerated. She watched as his eyes looked over her for a few seconds. She could almost hear her own heart beating ferociously against her ribcage, threatening to break through. _What was he going to do?_ "Kensh--" before she could find out on her own, his mouth consumed hers with an almost zealous passion. Surprise. Shock. _What could have described her feelings then?_ She wasn't about to fight back, even if she wanted to, so she returned his enthusiasm with equal fervor. As his tongue roughly entwined with hers, she felt his hands on her waist as he lifted her slightly, holding her up against the wall. She pulled away from him long enough to warn him that she heard something, but he huskily laughed it off as he took possession of her mouth once again. _Why was he doing this now?_ Not only was she still trying to get over the reality of being a real wife, but she was trying to keep her chastity as long as she could before she would have to lose it. The hardest part about this whole situation was that it was pleasuring her beyond imagination, she didn't want it to end. She never felt that she could meet a man who could satisfy her in this way. But she knew they were going to get caught, someone would walk in on them. This wasn't the time to be doing this, especially since they didn't have the dojo to themselves. She had to act quick, no matter how much she wanted him to continue. Placing her hands lightly against his chest, she slowly pushed him away from her. "Ken...shin..." she whispered in between breaths, "this isn't--" she was interrupted again. When Kenshin moved back toward her to finish what he had started, Kaoru had foreordained his actions and she placed a hand over his mouth; derailing his attempt to silence her once more. 

"Yo! Kenshin! Are you awake?" The sound of Yahiko's voice had made both Kenshin and Kaoru heave deep sighs of annoyance. But Kenshin knew that Kaoru was right before, he should have waited until the dojo was empty. 

"H-Hai, Yahiko, one moment..." Kenshin called out in between light gasps of breath. Kenshin's hands were still on her waist as he slowly let her back down. They both decided to fix the atmosphere so it would appear that they were only conversing, not acting upon their pent up emotions. They rushed around the room, moving a table into its place, putting pillows and blankets around the table, and fixing their appearances so they wouldn't look too out of sorts. Kenshin reached for the thin silk strip that he usually tied his hair with, and Kaoru began to pout. "Doushita no, de gozaru?" 

"Leave your hair..." Kaoru begged quietly. 

"As you wish, koishii..." Kenshin stiffled a low laugh at her plea, recognizing her pouty expression. As they both sat on either side of the small table, Kaoru smiled happily and proceeded to tell Yahiko to come in. 

"Geez! It took you lo--" as he flung the door open, he noticed Kaoru and stopped in mid-sentence. He stood there for a few minutes, trying to figure out why she was in Kenshin's room. When a reason finally came to him, albeit the wrong one ( kind of ), his hands immediately covered his mouth so he wouldn't burst into laughter. Kenshin and Kaoru exchanged an inert glance, then turned their attention to Yahiko. 

"Nani?/Oro?" 

"Were you two..." Yahiko couldn't bring himself to finish his own accusation. He was concentrating too hard on keeping himself from laughing. 

"Iye." Kenshin and Kaoru both answered Yahiko's obvious question, their reddened faces falling downward in complete embarrassment. 

"Then what were you doing?" Yahiko's eyes were slanted in that of an _'I'd-like-to-see-you-get-out-of-this-one'_ manner. But neither Kenshin nor Kaoru could come up with a logical answer. Yahiko probably wouldn't believe the real reason because he was still too immature to let himself believe something that serious. 

"Eh...er...Yahiko-chan..." Kaoru stuttered, trying to create some time for Kenshin to think up some answers. 

"Don't call me CHAN! Were you talking about the wedding?" Yahiko's eyes slanted in anger for the _'chan'_ statement and then went back to their normal state for his second question. 

"W-Well...actually, we were--" Kaoru was cut short when Kenshin brought a hand up to lightly cover her mouth, simply nodding his reply to the young boy. 

"Ah. Well, I was just going to leave for the Akabeko, I just wanted to make sure I was on break from training today." Then Yahiko looked to Kaoru in regard to that last question. Kenshin still held his hand over her mouth which didn't allow her to speak, so she merely waved him away, silently reassuring him that he was indeed free for the day. Both rurouni and teacher relaxed as they heard the fading sound of Yahiko's sandals padding against the floorboards.   
  
  
  


Kyuushuu...   
  


A group of six men were seated around a large rectangle shaped table. They were in a heated debate about _'a man with an X scar'_ and _'red hair.'_ A dark figure sat at the head of the table, listening intently to the discussion as it echoed through the small, dimly lit stone hideout. 

"I saw him! He came out of nowhere when the door opened!" cried one of the men, obviously frightened out of his wits. 

"You can't be serious. After so many years since his disappearance..you can't expect him to still be alive!" replied another man, unconvinced. 

"The Meiji Era has finally approached, and there has been talk of a rurouni somewhere in Tokyo. Of course he's still alive you idiots." A deep voice rumbled from the front of the table, and all men bowed in agreement and respect. "You say you didn't get ahold of Seijuro Hiko's body, eh?" 

"N-No...we couldn't. That red-headed samurai kept us from getting close enough to see a body at all." The men jumped to attention when the dark figure's fist slammed onto the table, leaving a rather deep dent in the already splintering wood. 

"You will address him as the Hitokiri Battousai!" All eyes turned to him as if to question why, but he immediately put their minds at ease. "Why? Firstly, because I demand it. Secondly, because we're going to bring him back to his senses as the Hitokiri. I want to see him suffer for what he did." 

"Hai Tora-san," answered the six men all at once. Then, they all began to chant their leader's name in supreme fellowship. "Hikage Tora! Hikage Tora!"   
  
  
  


Kamiya Dojo...   
  


Kenshin, Kaoru, Sanosuke, and Megumi were seated on the front deck of the dojo. Megumi watched Tsubame and Yahiko play fight with their bokkens, while Sanosuke napped, as usual. Kaoru's head rested against Kenshin's right shoulder, while one of his arms hung limply over her own shoulder, his fingers laced between those of her right hand. Her left hand lay in his lap, the fingers of his own left hand mingling playfully with hers. Kaoru's eyes fluttered around the yard in front of her, it was a dream come true. She never expected to become such a lucky woman, to have met these people. She already considered them family, since her father's death, she wasn't sure of ever finding refuge in another family again. But this moment, right then, it proved her wrong. What made her soul most at ease was the fact that Kenshin wouldn't compare her to his first love, and she wouldn't have to compare herself either. She looked down at their hands laying together in his lap, his hands had been through more than he could have ever explained to her. From the day Seijuro-san had taken him in as his student, to all the murders and assassinations, and finally to the time he declared himself a rurouni; he had been through hell, possibly reaching beyond hell itself. Her glance turned toward his right hand, which had healed considerably well in the past month considering the work she had done with it. She gently pulled his hand closer to her, making his grip around her grow tighter. She wanted it to freeze right then, just capture that moment and save it forever. Everyone was together, and everyone was happy. 

"Sanosuke! Baka!" Megumi lightly slapped the sleeping Sanosuke, her voice was a tell-tale sign that he shouldn't sleep so much. 

"Che fox! I was having a nice dream until you ruined it!" He was in his usual bad mood that day, so Megumi knew just how to push his buttons. 

"You may have to come to the clinic later so I can diagnose your sleeping disease," Megumi giggled playfully. 

"I'm not goin' anywhere! The only thing you're going to diagnose is Kenshin and Jo-chan's love sickness!" He pointed hintingly toward the couple at the other end of the deck, obviously too wrapped up in one another to notice that they were the subject of a joke. 

"Kenshin no baka!" Megumi whispered toward the red-head. When she recieved no reply, she shrugged and sighed lightly. "Hopeless." 

"Hey fox, whaddya say you, me, Tsubame-chan and *Yahiko-chan* go get some dinner for tonight?" Sanosuke purposely put emphasis on Yahiko's suffix, knowing that he would be outraged. 

"Don't call me CHAN!" he screamed over the smacking of wood against wood, "Tsubame, you're getting better!" 

"Dinner? It's barely past lunch-time!" Megumi protested. 

"Oi, I have been napping too much...I can never sleep long enough between meals..." Sano's hand stretched behind him to scratch his head. 

"Baka. Let's go anyway," replied Megumi's charmed voice. As the raven-haired ex-opium maker and the former-gangster pulled Yahiko and Tsubame along after them, their forms disappeared behind rows of trees and hills. Kenshin noticed the quiet, lifting his eyes from their gaze on the woman who held his attention to survey his surroundings. Finding that they were indeed alone, his eyes fell back down to look at Kaoru, her head now resting gently in his lap. 

"Did they say where they were going?" 

"Hm? I don't think so...I mean, I didn't hear anything." 

"Hm. Oh well. Where were we?" Kenshin's eyes playfully gleamed in different shades of violet and blue as he stared down at her. She smiled, blinking a few times, then she closed her eyes lightly. Kenshin's fingers softly played across her lips, up and down the bridge of her nose, and over the soft curves of her temples and cheeks. She sighed calmly as she drifted off to sleep, not realizing how tired she really was.   
  
  
  


Kyuushuu...   
  


"Give Tetsuya-san and Kazuki-san the word to take action!" ordered the deep, shadowed voice. 

"Hai! They will be arriving in Tokyo shortly, correct? We will need some time to contact them..." replied the equally deep voice of a roughly built, but much older man. 

"I want you to reach them within a few days, am I clear? I don't want this plan falling through like the last one. Although, that was mostly due to my error, I hired complete morons to do a job I could have done in seconds." The shadowy figure clasped his hands together, placing them in his lap as he leaned back into his chair. "I don't care if he is 'good' and 'peaceful' now. That can't erase what he did in the past. I will redeem Kiyosato Akira's death by bringing death myself. I will kill the Battousai." With a low, husky laugh, he nodded toward his comrade to begin his work.   
  
  
  


Kamiya Dojo...   
  


Kaoru had been disturbed in her sleep by movement, which, inevitably woke her up. She didn't really recognize where she was until she rubbed her eyes long enough. She was in Kenshin's room. _But why would he put her here instead of her own room?_ As she sat up to re-adjust herself so she could go back to sleep, she noticed that he was sleeping soundly next to her. She felt her heart begin to race, her face blushing slightly. At least she knew that what she was experiencing left her knowing that she was alive. She eased her way back down, making sure not to touch or move him in any way. She didn't have to sneak into his room this time, and she smiled happily, proping herself up on one arm. She watched as he breathed slowly, the covers over his chest going up, then coming down. Her eyes moved upward to rest on the scar that remained on his left cheek as a reminder of his past. With careful movements, she bent over him, sliding her fingertips over the scar in an almost futile attempt to understand what his past was like. _What went on in his mind back in Kyoto all those years ago? How could he leave something behind that he knew would always going to be a part of him?_ She felt his body begin to shift its position, and she pulled back quickly to let him get comfortable. She smiled again as she saw that he turned his body toward her, like he knew she was there. She decided against going back to sleep for a little while longer, and instead she tried to lose herself in the array of amber and gold that displayed itself around Kenshin's body. His hair amazed her, it was the second best thing about him that burned her soul when she looked at him. He looked heavenly in the moonlight, like a warrior angel who slept only to escape the reality of his life as a swordsman. She knew how much Kenshin wanted to be as normal as some of the town merchants deep down inside, but his life had been with the sword, he couldn't truly escape that. 

"Kenshin..." she whispered lightly enough for herself to hear. Reaching toward him, her fingers spread apart, she caressed the softness of the velvet waves that cascaded around his head, and fell around his shoulders. For a moment, she almost felt jealous about the beauty of his hair over her own. As she began to mesh her fingers in between the thick red strands, he sensed, even in the deep sleep he was in, that he was being touched. She gasped softly as she saw his eyes flutter open. She almost wanted to apologize over and over for waking him, but when she saw the sedated look in the deep violets of his eyes; she knew she didn't have to say anything. 

"Kaoru-dono...if you want to go back to your room--" Kaoru placed a finger over his lips before he could finish. 

"Shhhh. I'm fine, Kenshin. Let's just go back to sleep, ne?" She let her body fall lightly next to him, reaching up to pull his loose arm around her. Kenshin laughed lightly, taking the hint, and complied with what she wanted; wrapping both arms around her as tightly as he could. Thus, Kaoru fell asleep effortlessly in Kenshin's arms, lulled by the sound of their hearts beating together in perfect rhythm.   
  
  
  


_Translation Notes..._   
  


The meanings vary for how the word is used, so I'll just use the definition for the way I've used them here.

  
  
**Yokugetsu:** Can mean "the following month."   
**Waga koi:** Could be translated as "my love."   
**Ohayou:** Literally translates to "good morning."   
**Demo:** Literally translates as "but."   
**Koishii:** Can be translated to "beloved," "darling," or "dear."   
**Iye:** Literally means "no."   
**Nani:** Literally translates to "what."   
**Kyuushuu:** Can mean either "bitter enemy" or "revenge." Either one suits this.   
**Baka:** Literally means "stupid" or "idiot."   
**Che:** An interjection, similar to "shit!"   
**Hai:** Literally means "yes."   
  
  
  
  
  
  


_Author's Notes..._   
  
1. I know I probably emphasized Kenshin's hair more than it was necessary in this chapter. But here's the deal behind that, basically, I really love Kenshin's hair. It's like a symbol of who he is and his personality, I think it's a nice change to have Kaoru notice it that way and to have it also be something more to her than that. Even if it is just hair...   
2. If the name Hikage Tora doesn't make sense, it's as close as I could get to the meaning ( which I will reveal in the next chapter ). And I probably didn't talk enough about him in this chapter. But. There's a reason for that. I'll reveal him completely in chapter 5. I just wanted to hint towards the entrance of a new enemy, and yes, I will describe who he is, his appearance, and his past involving Kenshin and Akira.   
3. This chapter may have been a bit too waffy or there wasn't enough waff in it. But crap, I wanted to make a fluff chapter, I love fluff, so here is my fluff in chapter 4. Oh yeah. Everyone may think it's kinda weird that Kenshin just jumped Kaoru like that in his room, but look at it like this: it was the heat of the moment for both of them, and, I'm going to make a have Kenshin make a crack about his reason for doing it in the next chapter. ^_^   
  
Comments? Suggestions? Did you like it? Go ahead and email me. ^_^   
  
  
  



	5. Akukei Za

Kanashimi Ni Tamesarete Mo Chapter 5   


Kanashimi Ni Tamesarete Mo  
Chapter 5: Akukei Za  
  
Story By: Jacqui 

  
  
**Disclaimer:** No copyright infringement is intended, all characters belong solely to the creator, Watsuki Nobuhiro-sensei. I am merely 0.1% of the population of Kenshin fans out there, this is how I'm showing my appreciation for Nobuhiro-sensei's genuinely imaginative work. ^_^   
  
**Note 1:** I'm not really sure where this would take place...maybe around episode 78, but _before_ the Katsuro/Daigoro confrontations in the TV series.   
  
**Note 2:** The Japanese reference is at the bottom. I came up with a new way to make it easier when reading. Go to the end of the story, copy the translations, and paste them into a notepad or wordpad document, and then make it so both the story and the translations fit on the screen so you won't have to go up and down to look for meanings. OR, you can just open the story again in another window, and scroll to the end. Much easier. When a word comes up that you don't understand, look to the other window for translation, and you won't lose your place! ^_^   
  
**Note 3:** When I use the terms, "three days later" and "two days later" I mean it to be those exact amount of days. If I don't mention any progression in the amount of days or hours or minutes, it is the same day from where I last left off. If I last left off at "three days later" then it is on the fourth day until I mention otherwise. Shimeta? ( not shimatta, "shimeta" = alright ) ^_^   
  
**Characters Involved:**  
_Himura Kenshin_  
_Kamiya Kaoru_  
_Sagara Sanosuke_  
_Tanaki Megumi_  
_Myojin Yahiko_  
_'Hikage Tora'_  
_'Satoshi-san'_  
_'Tetsuya-san'_  
_'Kazuki-san'_   
  
  
  


Kyoto: The Plot...   
  


Hikage Tora had been planning out his quest for revenge on Kenshin for years. He was simply waiting for the right time to make his move. The last time he ever saw Akira was before he left Shogunate headquarters, determined to protect Shigekura Jubee. That was the same night he died. He was killed in a single heartbeat by a cold-hearted man. No, by a heartless bloodthirsty beast. 

"He deserves to die. Exactly the way Akira died." Hikage folded his hands, placing them under his chin. 

"Tora-san! Reporting for duty!" The man bowed in respect, then stood at ease, waiting for Hikage to speak. 

"Satoshi-san. Have Kazuki-san and Tetsuya-san been contacted?" inquired Hikage, after a few moments. 

"Hai, Tora-san. We have contacted them, and they will comply with your order. They will find and capture the girl." The thin, tall man stood at Hikage's immediate left, awaiting his next order. 

"Perfect. Everything is in order then. Satoshi-san, when you hear from them again, report back to me at once. Is that understood?" Hikage leaned back slowly in his chair, carelessly waving away his subject. Finally. He was finally going to get revenge for all that had been done by this man they called Hitokiri Battousai. 

"Of course." As Satoshi turned to leave, Hikage watched him. The small black braid that was held tightly on the back of his head swayed gently with each step he took. Hikage's eyes slanted inward as if he were angered by this. 

"After I kill the Battousai, the first thing to go will be that damned red hair of his." Hikage's head fell back, his teeth clenched in growing anger as his eyes closed slowly. Before lapsing into a delightful sleep, he began envisioning the bloodiest of deaths for his friend's murderer.   
  
  
  


Tokyo: Kamiya Dojo: Mid-Afternoon...   
  


"CHE! You have got to be joking!" Sanosuke's voice rang all through the dojo and everywhere else outside where him and Kenshin were talking. 

"S-Sano...I didn't mean to, I didn't even know it was yours..." Kenshin's head hung low in shamefullness as he tried constantly to calm Sanosuke down. 

"That was...25,000 yen! I have never won that much before! And NOW you're tellig me you bought a kimono with it!?" Sanosuke was beyond angry, and there was no way he would calm down; not now. The former yakuza balled his fists tightly, bringing them down on Kenshin's head numerous times. After a few painful whacks, Kenshin fell the ground, his voice echoing in somewhat of an _'orrooooo.'_

"What is going o--Kenshin!" Kaoru came running from behind the dojo where she was hanging clothes, which was normally Kenshin's job; she had taken it up due to her new expectancies as a wife. Her widened blue eyes looked from Kenshin, to Sanosuke. 

"Kaoru-dono...I'm fine, really..." Kenshin's eyes were all twirly and she knew he lying. 

"Baka! Sanosuke what did you do to him!" Her eyes stayed locked with his, the anger in her throat rising; but she didn't speak up until Sanosuke explained himself. 

"Don't yell at me, if it wasn't for me you wouldn't have that pretty new kimono! He's the one who bought it, but he bought it with MY 25,000 yen!" Sanosuke's eyes had slanted, almost in determination to beat Kaoru at her little game of _'blame the yakuza'_ this time. 

"Nani?" Kaoru's eyes fell down to Kenshin, "is this true?" He didn't want to hurt her, but he knew the truth had to be told. He continued rubbing the back of his head, and simply nodded a faint _'yes.'_

"See! Bakayarou." Sanosuke turned himself away from the two, trying to act like he had won the game. Kaoru didn't say anything for quite some time, then, deciding that she wanted away from these two idiots; she said the first thing that came to her mind. 

"First of all. Kenshin, you should have saved that money if you had no idea whom it belonged to. Second of all. Sanosuke, you had no right beating him up like that. You two are so immature sometimes!" With that, Kaoru turned around quickly, retreating back to what she was doing behind the dojo; the last wave of her coal black hair disappearing behind the corner. Sanosuke stared at his hand, then turned slightly to look at the rurouni still lying on the ground, although his eyes went back to normal, he still looked like his head hurt him. 

"Hey...um, sorry about those bruises and stuff," Sanosuke apologized, albeit a lame attempt, "whaddya say we go get some tofu for Jo-chan. Y'know, make this up to her and cook dinner tonight?" Kenshin stood slowly, a hand still resting on the back of his head. He smiled at his friend's apology, no matter how bad it was. 

"Aa. She was pretty angry, her moods change so fast, considering what we did just yest--well, nevermind. Good idea Sano!" Kenshin's hand fell back to his side as he nervously dodged the subject. Kaoru really did need some cheering up, Kenshin saw how she kept trying to be the perfect wife; but they were even married yet. She just needed to slow down and take it easy, or she would kill herself just trying to impress him. As the two began heading toward town, Sanosuke knew that this was the perfect time to pester Kenshin about that last unfinished sentence. 

"So, what *did* you two do yesterday?" Sanosuke put an arm around Kenshin, making it appear like he could tell him anything because of their _'tight bond'_ as friends. 

"Oro?! Sano, we're going to be late getting back if we don't hurry..." Kenshin didn't want to tell him anything, afterall, that was private stuff. 

"C'mon! Just the good parts, I won't tell Jo-chan I swear!" Kenshin's eyes widened at the mention of not telling Kaoru, _he knew very well that that's exactly what Sanosuke would do!_ But Kaoru was right about the money, he never should have spent it knowing that it wasn't his to begin with. She had such a knack for giving advice and, not to mention, orders. Maybe, just maybe, if they did have children, Kenshin knew how exceptional she would be as a mother. As the two figures became smaller and smaller down the path, Sanosuke's loud protests could still be heard; until finally, they disappeared behind the hills and trees. Taking that as their que, two humongous figures stepped out from the hiding place among a large group of bushes. 

"Is this the place?" asked the first man. 

"It looks like a dojo, but where's the girl?" replied the second man. 

"I don't know you idiot! I've never seen her before," retored the first man, annoyed by such a stupid question. Out of nowhere, as if it was carried to them on the breeze, they caught the sound of delightful humming. When they had identified the sound as a female's voice, they knew that this had to be the one they were sent for. 

"Well, if this is where the Battousai lives, why wouldn't the girl be here with him?" asked the second man, his eyes slanting to make sure they weren't going to be caught. 

"It's a shame..." replied the first man, shaking his head briefly. 

"Yeah, especially if she's going to marry the bastard..." snorted the second man, almost getting a arise out of what they were about to do. 

"Marry him? Where did you hear that?" asked the first man, his attention aroused. 

"Remember that place we stopped by when we got off the boat? The guy who tended bar heard it from this other guy who frequented there often. He said he was a gangster...a gambler...something like that," the second man laughed lightly, thinking that whoever that man was; he was a complete moron for having such a big mouth. 

"I feel sorry for the girl, she doesn't know the cold-hearted killer she's involved with. Let's get this over with, I'm hungry and we still have to report back to Tora-san when our work is done." Both men nodded to one another in agreement upon what was just said, then, they slowly separated on either side of the dojo to make sure she wouldn't escape. 

"Kenshin...I want to be the perfect wife. Not just the wife you want, but the wife you need..." Kaoru held various peices of clothing between her fingers as she pushed them under the soapy water, the small bucket almost overflowing onto her clothing. "I know I could probably be as good a wife as Tomoe was," she whispered to herself as she gently smiled. "It is because of her love for you, not just as your wife but as your destined companion, that you are here so that I have the honor of loving you as she did. I want to be the best wife that I can be, that way I will know that she didn't die in vain." 

"Well isn't that sweet?" the first voice answered sarcastically, as he stepped out in front of her from one side of the dojo. Kaoru dropped whatever she held, caught off-gaurd, but determined not to get into any fights if she didn't have to. 

"Can I help you?" Her eyes ran up and down his body, registering the features. He had long very dark brown hair, tied in a simple low-ponytail behind him. He was unbelievably huge for a human being, and he had dark metallic armor that covered him from arms to legs. His black uniform told her more about him than she wanted to know, this man was sent on a mission. He wasn't just another ninja trying to start trouble, he was a dilegently trained henchman. He glared out at her from behind the fabric around his face, his eyes were almost black; heartless. 

"I think I am beyond help little lady, I just want to get this job with over so I can get my money, so if you don't mind, surrender easily and you won't be hurt." The black-eyed man began making his advance on her, and Kaoru knew she was going to have to fight if she wanted to get away from this man alive. Kaoru took a step back with every step he took forward. But when she felt something hard and solid against her back, and found that she couldn't go back any further, she knew she would have to fight to save herself from harm. The man that had just blocked her only exit let out a bellowing laugh. 

"Where do you think you're going? You know, it's a shame that you won't be around long enough to experience that cute little dream of yours," the man behind her had come out of nowhere, she hadn't even known the man in front of her had an accomplice. She felt the icy grip of his large hands encircling her wrists, as he twisted them behind her to keep her from going anywhere. _She just wanted to be left alone, couldn't anyone see that?_ She had her instinct, and she was holding it in until that man restrained her; she hated it when she was made defenseless. Kaoru jerked her right leg up, and rammed it into the knee-cap of her assailant as hard as she possibly could. The man cried out in pain as he fell to the ground behind her. When Kaoru realized that she had not been released, she felt her body going down at a dangerous speed. Before she had time to react, she hit the ground extremely hard on her right side, causing the shoulder bone to dislocate. The dark-eyed man burst into laughter as he heard Kaoru's pain-laced scream. Kaoru had to do something, she had to get up and defend herself. 

"Well, aren't you going to get up and try to escape?" taunted the man who was still standing. Kaoru yanked her wrists out of her attacker's grasp, and pulled herself to a kneeling position. Her left hand held tightly to her right arm, moving it would only make the situation worse. The large man folded his arms and waited patiently for her to pull herself up the rest of the way. Kaoru's eyes beamed anger up at him, but he seemed uninterested. Kaoru braced herself, and before her attacker had blinked; she was back on her feet. He looked down on her with rage and hatred, it almost took Kaoru by surprise to see that look in his eyes. 

"What do you want with me?" Kaoru's teeth were clenched together so as not to say anything stupid. She knew she may as well save her strength and harsh words for later, Kami-sama only knew how much her body could take before it was over. 

"I don't want anything with you. I just want my money. So are you going to let me do this nice and easy or are you going to cry some more?" The man's face she felt, had contorted into a disgustingly sly and sarcastic grin. _Could she really defend herself against this man?_ She felt like she was no match for him, but she couldn't just stand there and let herself be taken away from her home. 

"I don't cry because of my pain, I cry because of the family you want to take me from," her eyes had slanted down, she was trying as much as she could to show her anger so that maybe she could build herself up physically. As the man burst into laughter once again, Kaoru had had enough; she had lost her self-control. She gauged some distance between her legs, her left fist balled up as tightly as she could get it. With a glint of faint hope in her eyes, she pressumed to make her move. Kaoru took one step forward, bringing her fist upward toward the man's jaw; powered by all the anger and strength she had left in her. 

It would have worked, it almost worked; but Kaoru didn't feel her hand hit anything--it just stopped. 

Her first attacker had anticipated her movements, as he was taught to do, and his left hand flew out to catch her arm in a strong grip. 

For a split second, Kaoru noticed that the second man was still on the ground behind her, rolling around in pain. 

It was then that she felt her arm being squeezed tightly; and she was forced to her knees. 

"Tsk tsk. You should know better than to attempt such a worthless attack on someone as big as me," his grip neither lessened nor stopped. Kaoru was beginning to feel like it was all over for her, the tears that spilled from the corners of her eyes felt like needles penetrating her skin. 

"You're nothing. Your strength means nothing if it isn't powered by something other than hatred and evil!" Kaoru almost screamed at the man who held her, no longer caring how helpless she sounded. 

"Is that so? I don't see you in such a high position, being able to tell others what to do," he almost laughed at the sound of his own words, he knew he was in control. Kaoru's eyes found their way back to his, and she was determined to match his wits with her own. 

"That's because I don't need anyone to cater to me. I'm not so weak as to order around other people! You're too low for even--" Before Kaoru could finish her sentence, the man had tightened his fist, and brought it right into the left side of her face. The impact of his attack was so powerful, it knocked Kaoru to the ground. But what really made it worse for her, was that the man never let go of her arm. Thus, when she fell, her arm had twisted violently behind her; dislocating her left shoulder bone as well. The assailant had silenced her with one quick action. Seeing that she was pretty much out cold, her attacker released her arm; errupting into a deep throaty laugh. 

"It's a pity, I don't really like hitting women. But when push comes to shove...what can you do, eh?" Sensing his job was now completed, he lifted Kaoru's limp body, and lightly tossed her over his shoulder. He quickly walked over to his injured partner and kicked him gently. "Get up you fool, I've got her, let's hurry up and get back to the hideout so we can get word to Tora-san. I want my damn money." 

"H-Hai..." the injured man sat up slightly, grabbing ahold of his leg. Gritting his teeth, he twisted it in the opposite direction of the bone protrusion; snapping it back into place. He stood slowly, making sure his leg wouldn't give out on him. As he hobbled after his comrade, he dropped a discolored peice of paper into the half empty basket of clean clothing. "Bitch...she dislocated my knee..." 

"Oh relax, at least you knew how to fix it. But as for this one," the man indicated Kaoru's body over his shoulder with a crude point, "I don't think she'll be attacking anyone else for awhile." The two men glanced at one another regarding that comment, then burst into laughter. As they sauntered off the premises, they left the Kamiya Dojo behind; empty and soundless.   
  
  
  


Tokyo: Kamiya Dojo: Later That Evening...   
  


"Sano, I told you...I'm not going to tell you anything," Kenshin and his pestering friend had returned from town. Kenshin had carried the tofu because Sanosuke had threatened to drop it if he didn't tell him what him and Kaoru did yesterday. 

"Che, Kenshin...you're too secretive..." Sanosuke pouted, kicking a small rock out in front of him. As they approached the front of the dojo, Kenshin was stopped in mid-step, sensing the completely dead silence. 

"Sano, where's Kaoru-dono?" Kenshin's eyes narrowed into a glare as he surveyed the yard around him. No one was in sight, which unearthed the worry in Kenshin. Even if Megumi wasn't around, Kaoru usually was. 

"I don't know, but Megumi is down at the clinic with the girls and Dr. Genzai," replied Sanosuke, now slightly worried. His eyes also began roaming around the yard, the tension growing inside not only him, but Kenshin as well. 

"I'll go look inside, stay alert Sano." Kenshin took a few steps toward the dojo entrance, setting the tofu on the deck. "Kaoru-dono!" When he heard no answer, he immediately vanished inside the darkening dojo. He searched every room, once, twice, even a third time; nothing. _Where was she?_ She couldn't be at the clinic with Megumi, she would never leave the dojo unsupervised for too long. He didn't like having this feeling, the feeling that something happened here, something worse than his imagination could have ever come up with. 

"Jo-chan!" called Sanosuke's angering voice. He had begun his search in the back of the dojo, where he remembered Kaoru to be before he had left. As he rounded the corner, his eyes grew wider at what he found. 

"Kaoru-dono..." Kenshin returned to the deck outside, clueless as to where Kaoru had disappeared to. Clasping one of the wooden columns on the deck, he rested his head against it. "...where are you, koishii?" 

"Yo! Kenshin! You have to see this!" Sanosuke's voice errupted from the back of the dojo, catching Kenshin's attention. When Sanosuke saw Kenshin emerge from around the corner of the dojo, his focus went back to his hands. 

"Sano? What is it?" Kenshin's eyes were verging on the hope that he had found something that claimed Kaoru was okay. 

"I think you should read this, it was probably meant for you..." Sanosuke's hand reached out toward Kenshin, revealing a dirty, but neatly folded letter. As Kenshin quickly took the letter and opened it, his breath caught in his throat. The first line of kanji simply read: _'Himura Battousai.'_ Someone knew who he was and where he was in Tokyo, and as he read further, he discovered more than just that. 

"She's...been abducted," Kenshin's eyes met Sanosuke's, and his voice reflected hopelessness, which was uncommon for the rurouni that Sanosuke knew. 

"Well let's go find her!" Sanosuke's mood became determined, he wasn't about to let the both of them lose hope; under any circumstances. 

"Sano," Kenshin began, finding it hard to explain what the letter wanted him to do, "they want me. They want me to come alone, they don't have any interest in Kaoru-dono, it was just stimulation to have me come to them." Kenshin's pale violet eyes fell down to the letter once again, searching it for any more information that could help him. 

"Shimatta...who is 'they'?" Sanosuke snatched the letter from Kenshin's hands, reading it over and over for something that would answer his question. 

"You won't find your answer there Sano," Kenshin's hands fell to his sides as he stared at the ground. He was angry at himself for leaving her and allowing this to happen, but he was also worried to no end for Kaoru's life. Her abductors could do anything they wanted with her, even if they claimed not to have the slightest interest. _Who were these people? Terrorists? Shinsen Gumi?_ No. The Shinsen Gumi would have more common sense and precision when it came to their actions. They wouldn't be so nice as to abduct someone, they would kill them and leave the body as the warning. Terrorists were out of the question too, _why would they have any interest in him?_ They usually attacked groups of people, coerced them into submission by systematically using methods of terror and destruction. No. This had to be an unknown underground coalition of people who were seeking revenge. Abduction is commonly used in gaining revenge on others, but the question was; _who was it that sought this revenge?_

"Kusso! There's nothing here, except this name at the bottom. 'Hikage Tora'? Who the hell is that?" Sanosuke threw the letter to the ground, clenching his fists at his sides. 

"Tiger's Shadow? I-I don't know who this is, but I must comply with his demands if I ever want to see Kaoru-dono alive again. I can't just let her die, Sano..." Kenshin covered his eyes with his hands briefly, as if he were in a silent fit of guilt. His heart was pounding so hard against his chest, he wanted to calm it down, but he knew he couldn't. The strangest thing was, he felt like crying. His new life was taken away from him before it had the chance to begin, and he felt like giving in deep down. But his conscience wouldn't let him forget about Kaoru, and what could happen to her if he did give up. 

"Then I guess you have no choice, do you? Don't just stand there feeling sorry for her, go find Jo-chan and bring her back!" The ex-gangster's voice equalled that of his attitude, enraged. Kenshin looked back up toward his friend, seeing the determination and anger in his expression. 

"You're right Sano." Kenshin smiled slightly, nodding once in recognition for Sanosuke's support; no matter how rough it was. "I love her too much to fall into darkness and pity." He placed a hand over his heart in attempt to slow it down, but it didn't work. Until he could return her safely to the dojo, he felt that his heart would never stop thrashing inside him. 

"You had better leave through the back and work your way to the front, Megumi and the kids should be on their way back already. You don't want to have to explain it to them, they'll only worry. I'll think of something, just hurry up, I want to be able to see Jo-chan wandering around here again as usual." Sanosuke nodded once, then departed for the front of the dojo to await the arrival of his three unexpectant female friends. Kenshin watched Sanosuke's form disappear behind the corner of the dojo, and then he made his own leave for the back wooded area. He swore to himself that if they had hurt her he would..._what? Kill them?_ He had given that up. He couldn't kill them even if he wanted to, Kaoru would lose all the faith and trust she had ever put into him. He couldn't have that happen, _but what could he do if they had hurt her?_ Kenshin ducked low in the bushes behind the dojo, moving back toward the more darkened area of the trees where he could move more freely without being seen. When he became completely hidden, he turned to go back toward the front of the dojo, he needed to go through town because that's where he was supposed to find Kaoru. Not so much as _in_ town, but at the end of town, in an abandoned building. He was thankful that the trees spread all around the dojo, allowing him to have easy access to the road toward town. As he was making his way down a slightly steep hill, he stopped when he came to the bottom; having heard the voices of Kaoru's younger sisters. 

"Sa-ku-ra! Sa-ku-ra!" chanted the energetic Ayame and Suzumi. 

"Yo, fox. You're back," Sanosuke seated himself on the deck, staring across the yard at the three who were approaching. He tried to put on the lightest tone he possibly could. Although, Megumi saw right through it. 

"Where's Ken-san?" asked Megumi, her eyes partially on him and partially on the girls. 

"Ahh, in town. He had to go get more tofu because we dropped it when we got back here," Sanosuke looked once at the ground, then back to Megumi with a sly smile. He pulled that one off smoothly, or so he thought. 

"But it's right there," Megumi replied, indicating the bucket of tofu next to Sanosuke on the deck. _Damnit!_ Kenshin forgot to put the tofu inside. 

"Ahhhh, eh...." at a loss for a better way to get out of his own backfire, he knocked the bucket over with one easy kick. "Eheh, like I said, we dropped it." When Sanosuke looked back up to Megumi, she just rolled her eyes and sighed; obviously not convinced. Kenshin, meanwhile, had already disappeared down the hill and farther down the road until he couldn't be seen by anyone. When he felt it was safe, he stepped out of the trees and bushes, and onto the road ahead of him. There were many smaller hills and trees blocking anyone's view from the dojo, so he was okay for now; but he knew they would all start to wonder sooner or later. 

As Kenshin began his journey toward town, he whispered to himself, "Arigatou, Sano. I owe you for this..." Then his eyes looked up toward the sky as he went along, reflecting the few shining stars that were already glowing in the black and blue fringed sky. "Hold on Kaoru-dono, I'll risk my life to bring you back to where you belong." With that, he made his way into town, disappearing within the crowd of last minute shoppers.   
  
  
  


Kyoto: Two Days Later: Hikage Departs...   
  


Hikage sat in his chair, awaiting his deciple's return with word from Tokyo. He held an incense stick, twirling it around in the air, watching the smoke wave out into smoky ribbons and circles. "I wonder what he's doing now...that demonic bastard." 

"Tora-san! We have just recieved word from Kazuki-san and Tetsuya-san, the mission has been completed and they request further instructions." Satoshi was dressed in his less formal attire, a grey hakama and dark red gi. But that long black braid remained. Satoshi's hair length alone reminded Hikage of the Hitokiri, and it made him disgusted to be reminded of him. 

"Good. I will make my departure to Tokyo right away, Satoshi-san, tell my men to prepare a boat down at the docks." Hikage's order was immediately followed by a respectful bow, and a quick departure to deliver his message. But before Satoshi could leave the room completely, he heard Hikage call to him. "One more thing, Satoshi-san..." 

"Hai, Tora-san?" Satoshi's eyes turned toward his leader, full of respect and honor. He watched as the smoke curled in and out of the shadows where Hikage was hidden. 

"Get rid of your hair. I'm tired of being sickened with the reminders it gives me." Hikage's mouth moved into a cunning smile, as if he was aware of the authority he had over the individual in front of him. 

"B-But...Tora-san!" Satoshi began protesting, but his attempt was battered by Hikage's piercing voice. 

"Just do it! And never, ever, question me again. Do you think that I would be merciful with you just because your wife has recently left you for another man!? Believe me, I've been through worse situations. Deal with it. Now do as I say, or you will regret it." Hearing that last sentence, Satoshi saw no more reason to argue. As he bowed once more, he cursed himself for placing his self-will in such a manipulative position. As he turned to leave, he could hear the irritating sound of Hikage's deep laughing.   
  
  
  


Tokyo: An Abandoned Temple...Three Days Later   
  


Kaoru had been missing for nearly six days, and she had gone without food, although her captors were gracious enough to give her water. She felt the electrifying pain in her body when she moved. Her right and left hands had been chained to their corresponding walls, and she was unable to stand up because her legs were too sore. She had been chained up in a rather large room, probably where sermons or worshiping sessions once commenced. There was a golden statue of Buddha at the entrance of the room, cracking and peeling due to old age. Kaoru moved her wrists a bit and she almost cried out in pain, she wasn't capable of moving anything. Her wrists hurt, the skin bleeding, torn, and scuffed while the bruises up and down her arms were beginning to emerge. _Were her arms broken?_ She couldn't move them without feeling as if they had been torn apart from her body. The left side of her face pained her especially, even through her swollen eyes she could see the gigantic black and purple bruise that had surfaced on her once healthy flesh. She tasted the blood that decorated the left corner of her mouth, and she hated the taste. She realized that she had blood stains on her clothes where it had trailed down her jaw and dropped off. But her clothes were dirty anyway, her hair was tangled and her ribbon had fallen out, like she was pulled through the dirt and then hung up like a child's old rag doll. 

"Th...is...isn't..wh...what..." she began painfully joking with herself, "a...wife..is...s-supposed..to..look...like.." the tears were welling up behind her eyes, stinging and fighting to be let lose. She didn't want to be here, she wanted to be back at the dojo with Kenshin, where she knew she was safe. Although she blamed herself for not using the Kamiya Kasshin Ryu like her father taught her to use for protection, she felt somewhere that she wasn't completely to blame. Those men that attacked her were huge, almost giants. But still, she should have defended herself with more effort than she put forth before, because now she was paying for it. 

"Well, our brave little fighter has decided to wake up Kazuki-san," remarked the man with the black hair. She held the tears back long enough to see that her attackers were still there; then, she let them escape the boundaries of her lashes. 

"Where..am..I?" she demanded, although it sounded like a rhetorical question. 

"In a temple on the far outside of town. It shouldn't be too hard for your friend to find," replied the second man. Kaoru noticed that this was the same man she had kicked in the knee before. But he was different, his features a little softer than his partner's, his hair was a bit lighter in shade as well. His eyes didn't reflect such a cold hatred, he seemed to be the second-hand at this kidnapping game. More of a burden to those who had to drag him along, than a help to anyone he met. Both men glanced at each other and chuckled at that comment, they probably meant it as some sarcastic way of wishful thinking. 

"K-Ken...shin..." her eyes filled with more tears, she was beginning to face reality. Her heart skipped a few beats when the truth finally hit her that she may never see her family again. She never expected it to end this way, _but what could she do?_ She hoped that if she did die, Kenshin wouldn't do anything foolish. _Why did she ever let herself get into such a mess?_ She felt like such a failure. But even in the midst of her remorse for what she had done wrong, she knew that if Kenshin knew how she felt, he would tell her that she was crazy to think so; which would make her heart melt. 

"Where the hell is Tora-san? He was supposed to come shortly after we told him that we did as he asked. It's been three days already," grumbled the dark haired man. 

"Patience Tetsuya-san. He will be here when he's ready," replied Kazuki, not really aware of any danger in staying a while longer. 

"I know, I know. It's just, knowing that that jackass has our money; it irritates me to know that he can do anything he wants with it. He can have the girl for all I care, I just want my money." Tetsuya was obviously in a bad mood, which brought him all the more closer to violence. Kaoru had made it up in her mind that she was simply going to have to wait it out. If Kenshin knew where she was, and how to reach her, he would surely be coming for her. 

"Jackass, hm?" replied a deep voice that was unfamiliar to both men, but told them enough for them to identify it as their employer. 

"T-Tora-san...I didn't expect you to--" Tetsuya began trying to explain himself, but was interrupted by the voice. 

"Arrive so early? Yes, I made those lazy fools [his men] acquire the best boat available, and I made them steer it. But, thankfully there wasn't any bad weather or I might have missed out on this little conversation!" Hikage Tora squealed with sarcastic happiness. He had finally arrived. "You're lucky I'm in a decent mood, or I would have had the both of you run-through for that remark about me." 

"G-Gomen nasai, Tora-san. I only meant it as--" he was interrupted once again. 

"You meant it. That's all the reason I need to have you decapitated! Now where is this Kamiya Kaoru? I want to see her myself." As Hikage stepped out of his place of evesdropping, the men gasped at what they saw. Kazuki and Tetsuya had taken orders from this man ever since he hired them, yet they had never seen him face to face. The first thing to catch their attention was the cold, arrogance of his dark green eyes. Then they noticed the hardness of his face, as if he had been through years of trial and suffering that had reflected through his features. From the short, but prominent curves of his nose, to his well defined grinning mouth. His cheekbones were high, which truly did give highlight to his eyes. His sleek black hair was tied neatly behind him, a few shorter strands dangling about his shoulders. His body was somewhat sidetracking, neither men would have expected him to be any good with a sword. They wouldn't have expected him to be good in anything, considering the fact that his body proportions were that of a moderate merchant. But underneath the elegant black and white robes he wore, his body was very well built; even if it wasn't the right size. His skill with the sword had been exceptionally good, even thought to exceed Akira's skill. The man's hands were folded over his chest, as he stood there awaiting an answer from the two dumbfounded men. "Well? Where is she?" As he watched their fingers point him toward the location of their prisoner, he chuckled lightly at their immediate cooperation. 

"Right here, Tora-san..." replied the two men in unision. As Hikage waved the both of them aside, he found that she was only a few feet away from him. They felt the heat waves of anger and spite that Hikage's body gave off as he passed them up on his way to Kaoru. Kazuki and Tetsuya made it a note to answer Hikage carefully from then on, so as not to anger him any further. 

"Ahhh...so this is her?" Kaoru's eyes slightly opened at the sound of Hikage's voice, then in a moment of pain, they closed once more. "THIS is her?" 

"Hai. This is the one the Hitokiri Battousai was going to marry, Tora-san," Tetsuya spoke up. 

"Marry? Well, well, well. That makes it all the more exciting then doesn't it?" Hikage's fingers slipped gently under Kaoru's chin, pulling her face toward him. She let a small moan escape because of his roughness with her. She felt his eyes all over her, and it gave her the sinking feeling that this was a man who was definitely after Kenshin. "Well my dear, have you anything to say to me before your hero gets here?" Kaoru truly had many things to say to this man, although she knew that if she said them, her pain would be double what it was at the moment. 

"Ken..shin..isn't..." she tried to simply throw the words out as they popped into her mind, but as he lifted her face higher, her teeth clenched in more pain. Her body didn't agree with the sudden movements she was being forced to make, and it retaliated by sending waves of pain all through her body. 

"Is that the name he goes by now? Kenshin? It doesn't suit him. But, what exactly 'isn't' Kenshin?" His mouth was held in that frightening grin, and Kaoru could barely see it through her swollen eyes. 

"He isn't...the H-Hitokiri...anymore..." Kaoru's eyes closed as she finished her sentence. She couldn't look at this man anymore, and her body wouldn't allow her to keep her eyes open. She felt as if she were going to pass out again. She tried pulling her body up by slowly wrapping her fingers around the chains that held her, using the only shred of strength she had gained back; but it was no use. The tears sprang to her eyes as she let herself relax, her arms were of no use to her now; they wouldn't move. As she pulled her face away from his grip, she let the tears pour from the corners of her eyes. 

"This can't be the woman--no...the girl that the Hitokiri was supposed to marry!" Hikage's burst into a deep fit of laughter at his own words, refolding his arms across his chest. "A major step down from the late Tomoe, wouldn't you say boys?" Hikage's eyes trailed over to the two large men standing to the right of him, expectant of an answer. 

"Oh..oh yes, yes, Tora-san! She's too uhhh..." Kazuki and Tetsuya looked at one another for guidance in helping to build their little list of why Tomoe was better than this girl in front of them. 

"You don't need to create reasons why, you fools. I just wanted agreement." Hikage rolled his eyes at the two morons as he decided to get them out of his sight for awhile. "Kazuki-san, Tetsuya-san, you two go to the front of the temple, wait for him. If he doesn't show," he stifled a devious laugh as he continued, "then miss Kamiya Kaoru will be the first of his friends to die." As he scoffed at Kaoru's ruined appearance, he looked her over once more. Tomoe was much more of a woman than this one here, _how could such an ice-blooded murderer see anything in such an innocent, pure young girl like this?_ She was nothing like him, and most of all, she didn't share the Battousai's views when it came to the sword and how he used it. Well, Tomoe didn't agree with him either, as Akira told him that she never liked the idea of killing. But, she had been sent to kill the Battousai herself, _and she would have at least carried it out if it had not been for her falling in love with him!_ This girl couldn't possibly go as far as to accept a mission such as that, the purity and morality in her wouldn't allow it. He saw a place for him to seat himself, and he felt that he needed it after such a hard two and a half days at sea. Forgetting about Kaoru for the moment, he passed her up on his way to a rather large throne that caught his eye before. The faded red fabric that was still draped over the throne had tears in several places, Hikage sighed deeply, finding that it would do for the time being. As he climbed the few stairs toward the throne, he noticed the red fabric also covering the stairs, as if it were a pathway toward whomever sat in the chair before. "This is the kind of catering I need," Hikage muttered to himself as he slowly sat down in the century old throne. "So, little miss Kaoru, do you think your 'Kenshin' will come for you?" he asked in a barely interested tone as he began dusting the throne off, as well as his own clothing. 

"I have nothing...to say t-to...you..." Kaoru managed to reply, but the lack of water that day had made her throat sting with dryness at every word. 

"Is that so? Well, we'll see soon enough. But for now, I think I will retire myself to a little sleep if you don't mind." Hikage slowly closed his eyes, leaning his head back to rest it against the support of the throne. He held in any further comments so as not to get himself all riled up; he wouldn't want that and neither would she. He was saving it all for the Hitokiri Battousai. Kaoru felt as if his eyes would burn right through her if he were to look at her that way again, she wished Kenshin were there, she just wanted him to hold her and make her know that she was safe. She felt the weight of everything she had been through, and it made her body feel as if it was ready to give up. 

"Kenshin...one..gai..." as her eyes released the last bit of tears that remained, her head fell forward as her mind went blank and darkness flooded her senses.   
  
  
  


Tokyo: Kenshin's Arrival...   
  


"Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu - Ryu Tsui Sen!" Kenshin's sakabatou came down hard on the right shoulder of a huge man that wore the attire of a police officer. The sound of metal cracking against bone didn't leave the prettiest sound ringing through Kenshin's ears. 

"What the hell was that!?" cried the man, holding his shoulder and rolling on the ground in agony. 

"Let's just say it's a technique that only I use. I suggest that you not get in my way again." Kenshin had already begun departing from his short victory, as he re-sheathed his sword. Gauging his distance, he pressumed that he was only two hundred yards away from the temple. As he wiped the sweat from his forehead, he felt that it was too hot to be traveling this far away from town without any water. He only hoped that he could sustain his body long enough to reach Kaoru. With the sound of pebbles and dirt crunching under his feet, he felt the relentless pressure of the hot sun on his back as he trudged along, determined to make it to her without wavering. He had been traveling for about ten minutes since that false police guard attacked him, and the temple was getting closer, he could see it in front of his heated red-violet eyes. _'Just a little farther'_ he thought, as he looked warily around him, feeling as if he were in a desert. Back in Kyoto he never remembered such a hot day, he only remembered the snowy days and nights he spent with Tomoe up in the countrysides of Otsu while he kept himself hidden from the Shogunate army. They had that small cabin where they lived as _'husband and wife,'_ although a marriage ceremony never commenced. He missed her beyond what words could describe, she had taught him how to love someone not only with his heart, but with his mind and soul. He loved Kaoru that way, with his heart, mind and soul. When he was able to shake himself of his train of reminiscing, he re-adjusted his sight, finding that he was only a few feet away from the entrance of the temple. "This is where my Kaoru is, right behind those doors..." 

"He's right outside!" whispered Kazuki from the other side of the door, motioning for Tetsuya to go ahead with the plan. As they both nodded to one another, the doors flung open and the two men stood before Kenshin; ready to lead him to the one he had come there to find. Kenshin made himself ready for anything, deciding that it was best to ignore the scorching sun as much as possible if he wanted to make it to Kaoru. 

"So, you're the legendary Hitokiri Battousai," Tetsuya stated, folding his arms across his chest. 

"You must be the lucky ones to take orders for abduction," Kenshin replied with a hint of sarcasm. 

"That's enough introductions," Tetsuya began, "do you want to see the wretch you traveled so far to rescue, or do you want to stand out there and burn to death? Either way I couldn't care less..." Kenshin's eyes narrowed at the man's words, he didn't quite expect such an immediate invitation. 

"Will you two let him in! I'm tired of waiting for him!" As Kenshin heard the angered voice from deep inside the temple, the two men turned from the doors, shrugged, and departed further inside the temple. He kept his eyes on the lookout for anything or anyone that could possible have an angle of attack on him. As he placed a hand on the sword at his left, he cautiously made his way toward the two open doors. Upon entering the temple, his eyes shot upward, making sure there was nothing that could attack him from above. Finding nothing there, his eyes quickly darted to either side of him, also making the necessary checks for any obstacles; again, finding nothing. Then, his eyes fell on the path ahead of him, where he saw Kaoru. The color drained from his features, as his eyes glinted a sort of shock and surprise. His jaw dropped open slightly as he couldn't believe what he saw. 

"Kaoru...dono..." Kenshin's body wouldn't let him just stand there staring, and he felt his legs move at a slightly faster pace as he rushed to Kaoru's side. Hikage wasn't about to let him get close enough to her to do anything drastic, and he motioned to the both of his men to do as they were told before Kenshin's arrival. 

"Do you really want her to die, Battousai?" Tetsuya asked sarcastically, moving up behind Kaoru's defenseless body, pulling his katana to her neck so that it rested against the flesh. Kenshin stopped himself a few feet away from her, gasping at the larger man's sudden movement. From what he was allowed to see, Kaoru's body was in extremely bad shape. He couldn't see the beautiful deep blue of her eyes due to the swelling, and her arms appeared to be out of place; he hoped they weren't broken. Her elegant black hair was dirty and mangled, and the large bruise on the left side of her face tempted his rage. The blood he saw, Kaoru's blood, spattered here and there on her clothing and at the corner of her mouth made his heart burn with anger. She needed water and food from the look of her body, she looked like she had gone without food for days. Hikage laughed hysterically from behind the group, as he stood and made his way toward them slowly, but with hidden enthusiasm. Stopping to the immediate left of Tetsuya, his arms still folded across his chest. He stared down at Kenshin with dark green eyes that were flaming with hatred. 

"Now, let's get down to business shall we?" Hikage implied, his mouth tightening into an unfathomable grin.   
  
  
  


Translation Notes   
  


The meanings vary for how the word is used, so I'll just use the definition for the way I've used them here. 

  
  
**Hikage Tora:** Can mean "Tiger's Shadow."   
**Arigatou:** Literally means "thank you."   
**Tofu:** Bean curd.   
**Kusso:** Can be translated as "shit."   
**Shimatta:** Can be translated to "damn it."   
**Koishii:** Can be translated to "beloved," "darling," or "dear."   
**Oro:** Kawaii!!!! Kenshin's favorite saying for when he's surprised. *_*   
**Nani:** Literally translates to "what."   
**Bakayarou:** Sano's usual way of saying "Idiot."   
**Baka:** Literally means "stupid" or "idiot."   
**Che:** An interjection, similar to "shit!"   
**Gomen-nasai:** Literally means "sorry."   
**Onegai:** Literally means "please."   
**Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu - Ryu Tsui Sen:** One of the four Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu succession techniques that Kenshin uses. It involves a high jump into the air, and upon landing, the blade of his sword is supposed to slam into either shoulder of his opponent.   
  
  
  
  
  
  


Author's Notes   
  
1. I know I know, what a rotten place to stop it, but the chapter WAS getting a little too long. BTW, this isn't going to be one of those "Oh no, Kaoru has been stolen, Kenshin go save her and make everything alright!" fics...There's QUITE a bit more depth to it than that.   
2. MAJOR C&C needed on this chapter! I probably just rushed right through it and forgot a description or two here and there, and I didn't make it all that exciting. Hikage's appearance isn't all that you were probably expecting, but I wanted to make him look elegant for some reason, although he's an ass. ^_^   
3. I probably mentioned certain feelings, appearances, and or words more than once in here. But that was only because they came from different characters' views and thoughts and actions etc. Heh. The fighting scenes are coming next, don't worry, and past of Akira and Hikage's relationship etc. will be revealed as well. Don't run away yet! ^_^;;   
  
  
  


[b a c k][1] | [n e x t][2]   
  


   [1]: http://www.envy.nu/tantsu/kana4.htm
   [2]: http://www.envy.nu/tantsu/kana6.htm



	6. Kusari

Kanashimi Ni Tamesarete Mo Chapter 6   


Kanashimi Ni Tamesarete Mo  
Chapter 6: Kusari  
  
Story By: Jacqui 

  
  
**Disclaimer:** No copyright infringement is intended, all characters belong solely to the creator, Watsuki Nobuhiro-sensei. I am merely 0.1% of the population of Kenshin fans out there, this is how I'm showing my appreciation for Nobuhiro-sensei's genuinely imaginative work. ^_^   
  
**Note 1:** I'm not really sure where this would take place...maybe around episode 78, but _before_ the Katsuro/Daigoro confrontations in the TV series.   
  
**Note 2:** The Japanese reference is at the bottom. I came up with a new way to make it easier when reading. Go to the end of the story, copy the translations, and paste them into a notepad or wordpad document, and then make it so both the story and the translations fit on the screen so you won't have to go up and down to look for meanings. OR, you can just open the story again in another window, and scroll to the end. Much easier. When a word comes up that you don't understand, look to the other window for translation, and you won't lose your place! ^_^   
  
**Characters Involved:**  
_Himura Kenshin_  
_Kamiya Kaoru_  
_Sagara Sanosuke_  
_Tanaki Megumi_  
_'Hikage Tora'_  
_'Tetsuya-san'_  
_'Kazuki-san'_   
  
  
  


Abandoned Temple: The Negotiation...   
  


Hikage and Kenshin both stood silently, their eyes locked on one another as if they were waiting for someone to make the first move. Hikage's grin still remained, while Kenshin's both worried and angered expression revealed itself with every passing second. 

"Quite a sight isn't she?" Hikage chuckled as he broke the silence, turning to look briefly at Kaoru and then turn his attention back to Kenshin. "She told me that you weren't the Hitokiri anymore, well...that is before she regretfully passed out. You see I was all ready to beat out of her whatever information I needed." Hikage's arms remained folded across his chest, taunting Kenshin with his arrogance. 

"Is that what a real man does? Hit women?" Kenshin began defending his seemingly lifeless Kaoru, who remained only a few feet away from his reach. "You have me now, so you can let her go." Kenshin's eyes gleamed with the anger that Hikage dreamed of pulling out of him, and when their eyes locked together, the truth was anything but scarce. 

"Not just yet. There is a rather pressing issue I have to discuss with you. You see, if I let her go, then my plan will be useless." Kenshin couldn't understand why he was so stupid to have left her alone that day, _what was he thinking?_ The unbridled outrage that burned in his violet eyes was apparent to Hikage, he loved every minute of it; the thrill of pissing this man off was adding to his enjoyment of the tense atmosphere. 

"If this issue concerns me, why go after Kaoru-dono? I understand she was the bait, but--" within an instant, Kenshin felt his body land painfully on the stone flooring beneath him. 

"Damaru! I've waited too long for this day to listen to your insolent complaints!" Hikage's fist had met Kenshin's jaw before Kenshin even had a chance to see him attack. Kazuki and Tetsuya released mellowed laughs at their leader's action, as Kenshin remained on the ground; his right hand reaching up to check his jaw for hindering injuries. The violets of his eyes thrashed into different shades as they looked over the tall figure now looming over him. This man was definitely not going to be easy, but maybe--he might be able to avoid Kaoru's death at least. "Well, Battousai? Aren't you going to retaliate?" Kenshin simply stared at the man, unflinching, but bringing his guard up for anymore unsuspected outbursts. "What? You can't spare the same enthusiasm for me that you did with Akira!?" Hearing that name again, that name that was burned forever on his memory after having read it in Tomoe's diary; Kenshin's features paled. 

"A-Akira..." 

"Kiyosato. The one whose life you so bitterly desecrated because of that damned hitokiri code of yours." Hikage's voice had calmed, but his face mirrored the reveling anger that he was trying to keep confined. Kenshin's temples began to throb as he leaned a little to his right to catch a glimspe of his unconcious fiancee. Hikage, noting Kenshin's current attention was focused somewhere other than him, grinned devilishly as he turned to give one of his men an order. Kazuki, who still had his katana pressed lightly against Kaoru's neck, was the one Hikage spoke to. "Kazuki-san, proceed." 

"A-Are you sure, Tora-san? She's not even--" 

"Ken...shin.." Kaoru's silence was broken by a dryly whispered plea for the man she was so hastily taken from. Kenshin's heart skipped a few beats as he heard her voice, and of course, he realized that she was more in danger now that she was finding consciousness. 

"Fine, I'll do it!" Hikage's temper was, no doubt, beginning to show rapidly. As Hikage abruptly left Kenshin lying on the ground, he took position behind Kaoru. Ripping the katana from Kazuki, he ordered him to step aside as his gaze found Kenshin once more. Kenshin's darkened eyes watched in terror as the katana slid back into position in the middle of Kaoru's neck. "Do you want to watch me demonstrate the same brutality that you had...on this girl?" The room echoed with Hikage's deep, but mild laugh as he gently pressed the blade into her skin. Kaoru's voice was too weak to scream, so all she could do was moan in pain as she felt the cold metal cut into her flesh. 

"Yamero!" Kenshin immediately pulled himself from the floor, placing a hand on his sakabatou; and he prepared to make his move. 

"Not so fast, Battousai," came Hikage's cool-toned voice as it broke through Kenshin's heated battle aura. "You're not really going to do anything so drastically are you? If I were you, I would take a look at your position right now...and hers..." he whispered, as Kenshin watched the man's fingers touch lightly at the trail of blood that was slowly sliding down her throat. Kenshin knew he had to do something, maybe he could derail this man's attention from Kaoru. _But how would he do that?_ From the looks of it, Hikage was enjoying every second of the painful and agonizing hold he had on both him and Kaoru. Kenshin's teeth clenched together as his angrily shaded eyes fell on Kaoru's pained expression. He couldn't allow this to keep happening to her, she was close enough to death as it was, her body was in no shape to handle anymore torment. 

"Let Kaoru-dono go. I am willing to do whatever it takes to--" 

"Return her home? That isn't what the Battousai would do..." Hikage's voice interrupted. 

"He...isn't the..." Kaoru's small voice trampled through the two men's conversation, startling them both. 

"Kaoru-dono..." Kenshin's eyes looked upon her form over and over again, he couldn't stand it anymore. Something needed to be done and he knew exactly what to do, it was his last option; but he had to try. "I will take her place," Kenshin claimed, trying to avoid any signs of uneasiness in his decision. 

"Will you now? That was going to happen whether you wanted to take her place or not, but since I can admit I have no real interest in this girl, I'll let her off easy." Hikage's eyes met Kenshin's once again in a blindingly malicious stare. Sighing deeply in the most obvious of sarcasticly bored tones, Hikage rolled his eyes and took the katana from Kaoru's neck. As he handed the sword back to Kazuki, he began to speak up as to what the terms were going to be. "Now that it is settled, and you will take this girl's place, let me lay down some ground rules." 

"Tora-san..." Kenshin began, almost afraid that at any time, that that katana could go right back into its place at Kaoru's neck. 

"You've convinced me to let her go, don't push your luck, Battousai." Hikage strode arrogantly up to Kenshin, folding his arms across his chest once more as he stopped just feet from the red-headed rurouni. 

"But," Kenshin began, "the catch would be?" He couldn't be afraid of this man, it was either his life or Kaoru's; and he knew which of them had to make it out of that temple alive. His heart was pounding once again and his eyes were slanted into a glare, while his hand remained on his sakabatou. It was only yesterday that him and Kaoru had been on the deck of the dojo, as content as could be while being lost in the existance of one another. _Why couldn't it have remained that way forever? Why did he have to keep fighting battle after battle, just so he could survive?_ It was the price for being a hitokiri, for being the Hitokiri Battousai. The one who brought death to almost everyone he met. Memories of all the times Kaoru had been in need of protection began flooding his memory. The pirates, her journey to Kyoto when she went after him, when Jin-e abducted her, when Saitou intruded on the dojo....and the day they met. He had protected her the first time they met, from someone claiming to be him. He had saved her from himself, _but what could that have meant to him now?_ They were in love, the past was the past, he needed to save Kaoru. He couldn't allow her to die, not here, not now. 

"Ahh, the catch. There is always one of those, isn't there?" Hikage's eyes felt as if they could peirce Kenshin's mind, and discover his every thought. "She goes free when you have succeeded in killing me. In other words, if you want her to live, you will abandon the life of a rurouni and return to what you were. You won't stand a chance otherwise, and neither will she." Hikage had tired of this charade, with a taunting scoff, he turned his back on Kenshin; giving full attention to his henchmen. "You two, take her down," Hikage indicated Kaoru's limp body with a careless wave, "then put them both in that nice room in the back. I don't want to have to look at them until I'm ready to kill them." As the two men nodded in immediate reply to the command, Tetsuya took charge of releasing Kaoru, while Kazuki made his way toward Kenshin. "That room toward the back of the temple should be accomidating. There's a large, rather tasteless statue there, chain the Battousai to that." 

"What about the girl, Tora-san?" Kazuki asked. 

"She's in no shape to try and escape. Without her, I think I can trust that the Battousai won't be going anywhere..." Hikage replied as he turned and made his leave for a more secluded part of the aging building. 

"You had better know what you're doing, Battousai," Kazuki began, "Tora-san was rumored to be better than this Akira Kiyosato. I can't wait to see him destroy you..." Kenshin felt the man's hands wrap tightly around his upper arm, roughly guiding him toward the back of the temple. "Hayaku, Tetsuya-san!" Kenshin heard the man half-whisper across the room. As Kenshin quickly turned his head, he was just in time to see Kaoru's body being flung almost carelessly over the other man's shoulder. 

"Kaoru-dono! Tell that idiot to be careful with her!" came Kenshin's rugged voice, tinged with anger and fury. 

"Like Tora-san said, you're in no position to be giving orders," Kazuki retaliated as he stopped at the very back of the temple. Kenshin watched as Tetsuya came up next to him, Kaoru's body hanging almost lifelessly over the man's broad shoulder. "In here?" Tetsuya asked, nodding toward the darkened room they were now standing in front of. Kenshin noticed that he held Kaoru's body up with one hand, and a chain in the other. 

"Hayaku! Just throw her in there, we need to discuss our payment with Tora-san...I'm tired of waiting." Without another word, Tetsuya stepped into the room and knelt onto the ground. He roughly eased Kaoru's body down from his shoulder and onto the hard ground below. Afterward, Tetsuya watched as Kazuki brought Kenshin into the room. When both thugs had spotted the statue, Kazuki led Kenshin toward it. 

"This isn't necessary, I won't attempt to escape. Kaoru is in no condition--" 

"Oh shut up," Tetsuya barked, placing his large hands around Kenshin's shoulders and forcing him to the ground. "I'm tired of you complaining, you're lucky Tora-san let you live this long. You're actually lucky that he didn't kill that bitch over there..." Tetsuya finished, his grip on Kenshin's shoulders staying steady and firm. Kazuki snatched the chain from Tetsuya's hand. Kenshin's veiled eyes watched as Kazuki wrapped the chain around the bottom of the statue a few times. Then he attached the end of the chain to a partially broken loop in the remaining length of the chain; which was about four feet. Kazuki drew his katana, and positioned it over the broken loop, and with all his strength; he slammed the blade down upon the metal. This worked, regretably for Kenshin, because the once broken loop was now closed; a bit tighter than the other loops. Kenshin willingly reached his left hand out, and Kazuki roughly locked the one shackle around his wrist. Kenshin's eyes closed as he felt Tetsuya's grip on him become lighter; until he felt it no more. The two men eagerly left the room, laughing their heads off as they returned to discuss their money matters with their leader. Kenshin slowly moved toward Kaoru, but was stopped short when he realized that the chain that held him was only so long; he couldn't reach her.   
  
  
  


Tokyo: Kamiya Dojo: Mid-Afternoon...   
  


"Sanosuke, baka..." Megumi scolded as she glared at Sanosuke from the corner of her eye. 

"He probably just got lost!" Sanosuke replied, trying to cover his own tracks. But Megumi knew that this spike-haired idiot was being anything but truthful. 

"He never got himself lost in the market before, and who stays gone that long if they know that all they're going to buy is tofu!" she retorted, as she folded her arms and looked directly at him. 

"Where is Ken-nii?" Ayame asked in all of her adorable innocence as she appeared behind Sanosuke on the deck of the dojo. 

"Yes, Sanosuke, where is Ken-san?" Megumi demanded, a crooked smile playing across her lips as she knew that even Sanosuke wouldn't lie to a little child. 

"He's ah...he's in town. He'll be back soon," replied Sanosuke, sarcastically grinning at Megumi. 

"Where's onee-chan?" came Ayame's second question, the look of innocence just playing with Sanosuke's lies; making him feel like a complete jerk. 

"Eh, she went with him...yeah. They'll both be back, don't worry!" Ayame smiled sweetly and nodded in acceptance of Sanosuke's lies, toddling off to find Suzume. Megumi's glare became deadlier as she smacked Sanosuke upside the head. 

"How can you lie to her like that!" Her voice rang clear in his head, but he disregarded it and made up yet another lie. 

"She's a kid! I can't tell her the truth or she'll be crying until they do get back, do you want to listen to that for as long as Kenshin and Jo-chan are going to be gone?" he retaliated, rubbing the back of his head lightly. 

"True. But then why lie to me?" Megumi asked, placing her hands on her hips expectantly awaiting an answer. 

"Well, for one, because I can. And two, because ahm..." 

"You're an idiot?" Megumi finished, one brow arched sarcastically. 

"I was going for brilliant, but since you've saved my life numerous times with your doctoring skills, I'll let that one slide." Megumi covered her eyes in embarrasment at even attempting to make him believe she outsmarted him. Sanosuke grinned, knowing he had pushed her buttons just like she usually pushed his.   
  
  
  


Abandoned Temple: Early Morning...   
  


Kaoru was still half unconscious, and Kenshin was trying to examine her from his position a few feet away. She definitely needed food, her skin had paled almost to an offwhite color, and her features were expressionless; except for an occasional twist of pain. Kenshin's watchful eyes remained on Kaoru, but his thoughts scattered. _How could Hikage Tora be affiliated with Kiyosato Akira? Why would he still be after the Battousai, who had been gone for so long?_ As Kenshin inched his back against the wall as close to Kaoru as possible, he rested his head against the hard stone behind him; but keeping his gaze in its place. Kenshin knew this man would not fight fairly or mercifully, and by rights his reason was easily understandable. The Battousai showed Akira no mercy and fairness was never in question; the Battousai would strike before there was even a sound heard, or a glance taken. The Hitokiri Battousai was unfair and merciless, just as this Hikage Tora was going to be when the time came for their battle. 

"Ken-Kenshin..." Hearing his name spoken with Kaoru's all too familiar voice, Kenshin's eyes widened as he noticed that Kaoru was beginning to slowly regain consciousness. 

"Kaoru-dono..." he whispered to her, blinking a few times in amazement that she was still able to speak. 

"You...aren't hurt...are you?" she asked meekly, her eyes slowly opening beneath the wave of tangled raven hair that concealed them. 

"Kaoru-dono, that isn't important. You need medical attention, you're the one who's hurt..." Kenshin replied steadily, his heart beginning to pound in his chest from hearing how her voice was full of pain when she spoke. "Can you move at all?" He wanted so much to be able to hold her, make her believe that she was okay, and that he would never allow something like this to happen to her ever again. 

"I...I don't...maybe," she replied, Kenshin wincing with every word she said as if he felt her pain, "but...my arms...I can't move...them..." Her heart told her to move, but her body told her to stay put. _Which seemed the more logical road to take?_ Her heart had never lied to her before, _why would she distrust it now?_

"I can't move any further, this chain..." 

"I'll try..." Kaoru whispered, as she inched her back up closer to the wall. 

"Iye! Kaoru-dono! You'll make it worse, just stay there!" Kenshin's eyes widened as he watched the woman he loved put herself through more pain and torment. 

"Demo...," Kaoru retaliated, "...I need you..." Kaoru moved as slowly as possible across the floor, but keeping her back against the wall so she wouldn't lose her balance. Her legs were all she could count on now, as she slowly inched them across the stone flooring, Kenshin couldn't believe what she was doing. She stopped abruptly, just a few inches from Kenshin's reach. "I-Itai...Kenshin..." he saw the tears stream down her face, they had escaped from under the veil of hair that still covered her eyes. 

"Kaoru..." he tried to stop her, but as stubborn as he knew she was, he was powerless with her. She was almost there, she just had to move her body a little farther, and then he could reach her. "Just a little further..." Kenshin stretched his free hand toward Kaoru, and he could feel the space between them closing; albeit very slowly. 

"Kenshin..." feeling his touch, she realized that she had made it; she could stop moving. But before she had any time to think about what to do next, she felt Kenshin's arm slip around her waist. 

"Don't move your arms," he whispered gently, "just lay on your back and rest." Kaoru couldn't believe he had asked her to rest at a time like this, both of their lives were in danger! She felt his hand tighten a little around her waist as he slowly pushed her body toward the ground beside him. 

"I don't want--" 

"Kaoru-dono...onegai...?" She sighed lightly, realizing that if anyone had the upper hand at that moment, it was him. She allowed him to turn her onto her back, but winced when his hand slipped and caught under her arm. 

"Itai!" her eyes closed, tears hanging at the corners, desperately waiting to fall free. 

"S-Sumanai Kaoru-dono!" Kenshin gently pulled his hand from under her arm, scolding himself silently for being so careless. "Don't move your body, just lift your head a little." His eyes watched carefully, although knowing that the hardest part was over, he could still hurt her if he moved her the wrong way. Her body lay at a horizontal angle next to him, her head just inches from where he was seated. As she gently lifted her head, she felt his hands slip beneath it, as if to be some support. 

""Kenshin..." 

"Stay still." He moved his body into a comfortable seating position, for both her and him; then he slowly and gently began to lift her head upward. "Move your body up just a little, Kaoru-dono, you're still too far," he watched cautiously as she inched her body closer to him. "Yoroshii de gozaru, Kaoru-dono..." he released a low sigh as he placed her head in his lap. His unchained hand brushed the hair from her face, feeling the dampness of her wet skin where the tears had left their mark. 

"I wish I..." Kaoru's voice made Kenshin's chest ache, "...could touch you, but..." Her eyes slowly opened, revealing a misty, blurred, and shattered blue abyss of defeat and anguish. She could still only get them to open half-way because they were so swollen and red from crying; not to mention the beating she took before. 

"Kaoru....don't. My heart is burning so badly, I can't stand to see how you've been treated." Kenshin's fingers trailed over the cold, damp skin on her neck; lightly smearing the blood that had partially dried. "I know how much pain you're going through right now, and it torments me, to no end." Her tear-filled eyes moved up to center on his face, his angelic, but determined expression helped her to relax a bit. She felt his fingers brush lightly over the darkened bruise on the left side of her face, then his fingers traced her jawline; but coming back up to caress her slightly dampened forehead. 

"Atashi, Kenshin...," he heard her whisper up to him, her voice calmer and a bit less shaky or drawn out. "I'm sorry for...being such a burden. I didn't mean to be so..." her eyes closed gently, and he sensed that she was searching for a good enough word to finish her sentence. 

"You were never a burden to me, Kaoru. I was a burden to myself, I never should have left you alone, if anyone should be apologizing or deserving of punishment for your pain...it's me." He brushed a few lazy strands of hair from her face, caressing her skin lightly with his only free hand. 

"Kenshin no baka...I love you too much to believe that anymore. But," Kaoru whispered in reply, "would you have come if--" Kenshin's fingers found their way to her lips, silencing her from saying anything more. 

"I would have come no matter what the circumstances or consequences, you know that. I...you..." he trailed off, not knowing if he should repeat it again. Repeat those words to Kaoru, he had failed in following them dozens of times before, so he decided against it. "Aishiteru, Kaoru-dono...what could possibly keep me away?" He smiled gently, his chained hand resting on the ground while the other rested over Kaoru's forehead. He saw the tears become heavy in her eyes once more, as she stared up at him with her expression telling him that she was truly happy. 

"Will we make it, Kenshin?" her eyes fell closed and then opened slightly, she wished they could hold each other; she needed reassurance. 

"If you live, that's all I care about." She felt her heart jump at his words, not wanting to believe that both of them weren't capable of surviving. 

"Mou, Kenshin...if you die, then I will follow shortly after. You have to make it...you have to..." Kenshin's fingers caressed her face once more as she closed her eyes, not wanting him to think that way. Curiosity plagued him about her arms, they couldn't be broken. Common knowledge told him that she wouldn't be able to move them if that were true; and she had moved them, very briefly to prop herself up against the wall earlier. He took his hand from it's place against Kaoru's face, and placed it over her shoulder area; gently examining each part with the light pressure of his careful fingers. Kaoru's eyes tightened every now and then as he touched upon tender areas, but holding herself back from making any sounds that would distract him. 

"You know...I...I think I can fix your injured arms. The bones aren't broken. They're just...they aren't in their rightful place. That's why you're hurting so much," Kenshin's eyes returned back to her face, playing upon her partially opened eyes. "But, I don't know if I should...it might cause more damage..." 

"H-How would you know--" 

"Shishou. He once told me that something like this had happened to him when he was younger, during his training..." Kaoru saw the hope surface in his shadowed amber eyes as she gazed up at him, a smile shortly lingering at the corners of her mouth. "He told me that I needed to be educated in more than just the art of kenjutsu and Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu, so he taught me how to fix injuries such as yours..." He kept his hand over her shoulder, his eyes still on hers. "But should I chance this with you? It would hurt, but only while I'm forcing the bone back into place...then the pain will gradually disappear." Kaoru let her eyes close as she took a deep breath, then released it. 

"I trust you, Kenshin. I just want this pain to stop...I don't know if I can handle it anymore." He watched as she turned her face away from his view, telling him all he needed to know. 

"Alright, Kaoru..." he whispered in reply to her action. Taking in as much air as he could hold, he released it slowly, letting his eyes fall back to Kaoru's shoulder. "Don't move at all, let your body go completely limp, if you tense or remain stiff; the pain will be double what it is now." He motioned for her to move her body up further so that his restrained hand could reach her. She did as he told her, although it was somewhat painful for her to move up instead of just straight across. 

"Can you...nnmm, can your other hand reach it?" she asked in between small jolts of pain. 

"Hai...stop right there. Remember what I told you..." 

"H-Hai..." Kaoru allowed her body to unwind as much as possible, and she felt her tense muscles relax as she did so. "I'm ready..." Kenshin nodded in acceptance, then placed his free hand over the top of her left shoulder, while he slipped his chained hand underneath to keep control of the bone when he pushed it back into place. Without another thought, Kenshin's enslaved hand tightened underneath her shoulder as his unbound hand shoved the bone downward toward its socket; causing bone to rub against bone for a few short and very painful seconds. 

"Kenshin!" Her body sprang up for a split second as she felt the shockwave of pain go all throughout her body. Her eyes clenched together tightly, tears beginning to seep through her tightened lashes. Kaoru actually felt her arm again as she moved her fingers slowly, making sure she was capable of using her hands. She opened her eyes momentarily to look at Kenshin, his eyes were glossy and his skin was damp with sweat; she could tell how much he was worried that he could hurt her. 

"K-Kaoru--" 

"I'm fine...Kenshin, now..." He watched as Kaoru slowly sat up, still wincing with the pain in her other arm. Briefly testing her own capability of supporting all her weight on her one fixed arm, she found it still agonizing to move. She had to do this, once he had fixed the last arm, she would be able to hold him and touch him again; without the fear of pain being the result. Kaoru clenched her teeth together, and held her eyes closed as she proped all of her weight up onto her left arm. Before Kenshin had realized that she was moving, she had already turned her body around so that he could tend to her other side. She had slid her body at a horizontal angle in front of him, her back on the cold stone floor, her right arm beginning to throb with every move she made in reflection with it. Kenshin was reluctant at first, surprised at how willing she was to cooperate in the method he used with her. Shaking the feeling off, he placed his hands into their places on her right shoulder accordingly. When he saw her nod slightly in approval, he held the bottom of her shoulder as still as he could while he forced the bone back into place with one quick push; bone once again rubbing against bone painfully. 

"Aah! Itai...Ken..shin..." Kaoru could almost hear the bones as they had snapped back into place, but as flushed and ravished as she was; she moved her arms slightly, as if they had never moved before. Upon pulling her body up, her eyes turned to Kenshin, full of thankfulness and relief. 

"Daijoubu, koishii..." Kenshin whispered lightly as his arms enveloped Kaoru in a tight embrace. She, in turn, tightly wrapped her arms around her husband-to-be, allowing whatever emotion she had left to come out. Her fingers tightly meshed themselves within the loose fabric of the back of his gi, not wanting him to let her go. She was thinner than normal, the lack of food had caused her to loose weight unconsiderably. She was still fragile, too, he didn't hold her too tight out of fear that he might hurt her. He was so strong, even though he knew his position and what he had to do, he was stronger than any man she had ever known; just like her father. The pain in her arms remained, but it had been reduced to a tolerable amount. She didn't care, she was able to touch him with her own hands, that's all she had wanted to do for the past few days. 

"Kenshin...I'm so scared. I tried to protect myself against those...men...but they were too strong for me, I failed. How can I call myself a master of Kasshin Ryu if I can't use it to defend myself?" She buried her face in the dark pink cloth that covered his shoulder, her tears seeping through the material and leaving their imprint. "What if he kills you? I-I couldn't live with myself, without you..." 

"Kaoru, you have more to live for than just me. There are people waiting back a the dojo for you, for us, to return so that we can carry on with our daily lives. Before any of this happened. If he kills me, that will prove just how unworthy I was to have even attempted to protect you...or Tomoe." His grip around her small form eased a little, but she pulled away from him just enough so that their eyes met. 

"What are you saying?" She was trying to force her eyes to open a little more than they could, and he wanted to make her stop; but he knew it was useless. 

"I'm saying that...there is a good chance that I might be killed. But," he began, reaching both hands up to rest on either side of her face, "there is also a good chance that I can survive." Her eyes fell down to look at the ground, and he could feel her body beginning to shiver slightly. "Kaoru...I just might have to break my vow," he whispered, caressing her skin with his thumbs as his hands remained on either side of her face. "I might have to kill him." 

"Mou!" She exclaimed as she gently tore her face from his grasp. "If you break your vow never to kill, what will I have left to believe in about you? About the man I love..." she brought her fingers up to lightly touch the corners of her eyes, wiping away the tears before they had a chance to fall. "You can't kill him, but you can't let him kill you...Kenshin..." she folded her arms, shook them gently, anything to get rid of the throb she felt building up inside them. "My arms still hurt...it won't go away, the pain..." 

"Koishii, don't do this to yourself..." he didn't want to argue with her now, if he was going to die, he wanted his last bit of time to be spent with her; telling her everything he dreamed of saying to her. He knew her body was still in the kind of pain he couldn't ease, but maybe--if he was careful, he could get her closer to him. "Give me your hand," he whispered in her direction, stretching his free hand toward her as he spoke. 

"Nani? Doushite.." 

"Onegai, Kaoru..." with that, he felt her tiny hand slip into his. Gently closing his fingers around hers, he lightly tugged her in his direction, signaling for her to move closer. As she became close enough to him, he pulled her hand in toward him a little bit stronger than before, and she fell into his embrace. She felt his secure arms close around her as she lay there, startled. "You couldn't imagine the things I thought could have happened to you..." 

"Ken...shin.." she chirped, just high enough for him to hear. Her body rested on its side against his body, and her head was in the perfect spot directly over his heart. _Thmp, thmp-thmp, thmp-thmpthmp-thmpthmp-thmpthmp._ As he spoke she began to hear its rhythm excel, the pounding becoming almost loud enough for her to hear a mile away. She turned her eyes up toward him, as she whispered for him to look at her. When she found his eyes gazing down at her, she brought her left hand up to rest over his jawline. He saw her smile slowly, and felt her fingers pull his face down toward hers, he willingly complied; allowing her lips to touch his lightly. His arms tightened slightly as they held her, and he felt the fingers of her other hand pulling the cord free from his hair. When they had parted, allowing of some time to breathe, she looked upon him now with complete enamour. "Aishiteru, Kenshin..." she murmered, the words penetrating his senses. Then, almost as if on an impulse, she brought him closer for yet another soft kiss. When their lips had met once more, she let her fingers play within the silken thickness of his beautiful red hair as it streamed over his shoulders and covered her in a curtain of fire.   
  
  
  


Hikage Tora: His 'Plot' Thickens...   
  


"He won't be able to remember anything?" Hikage asked a tall, much older man who was standing at the foot of the stairs that led to the large throne. His hands were clasped together in front of him, suspended in mid-air as he cracked his knuckles. 

"If this procedure is done in the proper fashion, without any errors, most of the present will be lost to him. But to be as accurate as possible, if you were to use the hilt of your sword, it must make contact with any part of the spine on his upper neck or at the base of his skull. Severe force must be projected in order for the nerves to be even slightly damaged. Although, with reminders, his past is more likely to come back before the present." The man was wearing a traditional white robe, almost like that of a Bhuddist priest, but unlike the style of wrap for being a priest. His white beard was neatly trimmed, his thinning gray hair remained on either side of his head; cut just above the ears. He cleared his throat as he awaited the next question. 

"Reminders? You mean...flashbacks?" he arched a brow curiously, leaning forward as if he were truly interested in what the man had to tell him. 

"Well, yes...and no. Every little bit will probably help him, whether he remembers right off or has to experience a flashback to remember. Modern science has proven that this can be done in a manner of ways, but one must know what they are doing before it is done. Do you think you can handle that?" The man raised both brows, awaiting an answer. 

"To be perfectly honest with you, doctor, I don't really care whether or not I can do it right. If I succeed, great, if I kill him or disable him permanently, even better. The bottom line is this: I won't rest until I see his blood on my hands, drenching my sword, and spilling at my feet. Akira will be avenged, the Battousai will pay dearly for what he's done." Hikage stood up, waving his hand as if to dismiss the elderly gentleman. The older man sighed hopelessly, smoothed out his beard, and took his leave. Hikage paced at the top of the small stairway, wondering if he could pull this off. "The base of his skull hm? Maybe it isn't quite as hard as it sounds, I just have to trick him somehow...distract him maybe." His eyes slanted in an almost devious glare as he focused his attention on Tetsuya, standing to the left at the bottom of the stairway. "Tetsuya-san, go. Bring the Battousai. Kazuki-san," he turned to his right, facing Kazuki as he stood alert at the bottom of the stairs, "you watch the girl. I can't have her escaping now, can I?" 

"Hai, Tora-san!" the men replied in unison, nodding in agreement. With that, they both set off for the back of the temple. 

"Time's up, Battousai. You either fight...or you die. However fate decides to unfold, this is going to be thrilling. I will bring you back to your senses, I refuse to fight you as you are now. I want to fight the demon who took Akira's life, and destroyed the Tokugawa government. I can't wait to see your face when you see the weapon you're going to have to use, you who claims to have given that life up; I will bring you back to your senses, I refuse to fight you as you are now. I want to fight the demon who took Akira's life, and destroyed the Tokugawa government. I can't wait to see your face when you see the weapon you're going to have to use, you who claims to have given that life up; I will bring you back to it. I will make you suffer more than you could have ever imagined, nothing in your previous life will be able to compare." Hikage resumed his pacing, trying to remember all that the doctor had told him about the possibility of his plan actually working. He went over the ways it had to be done, in what time scale, the different ways he could create that time scale, and the results or consequences of his actions. "I am ready for this, I can't shame my name or any of the other Tokugawa officials who risked their lives against the Battousai, to hold a steady government. I will bring them back to glory," he whispered to himself. Stretching a hand down slowly, his fingers tightly encircled the hilt of a sword that rested between a thin black belt around his waist. As he unsheathed it, he took a deep breath, and swallowed it; running his index finger lightly down the sharp blade. He grinned evilly as he noticed the thin trail of light red blood that his finger had left on the sharp silver metal. "Let the games begin..."   
  
  
  


Translation Notes   
  


The meanings vary for how the word is used, so I'll just use the definition for the way I've used them here. 

  
  
**Hikage Tora:** Can mean "Tiger's Shadow."   
**Damaru:** Can mean "shut up" or "silence." Depends on how it's used, exclamations give it emphasis, draw your own conclusion. ^_^   
**Kiyosato Akira:** Tomoe's first love, and her fiancee. Kenshin murdered him because he got in the way of his assassination on Shigekura Jubee, a Kyoto administrator during the Genji Period.   
**Yamero:** The masculine version of saying of "enough," or "stop it."   
**Hayaku:** This can mean "hurry up" or "come on."   
**Baka:** Literally means "stupid" or "idiot."   
**Ken-nii:** Ayame and Suzume call Kenshin this, it's basically like he's their bigger brother. My translations say "Ken-brother" because the suffix 'onii' means big brother, but the girls drop the O. Get it? ^_^   
**Onee-chan:** Another name that Ayame and Suzume call Kaoru by, basically, she's their sister. Heh. 'Onee" mean's big sister. Obviously. ^_^   
**Iye:** Literally means "no."   
**Demo:** Literally means "but."   
**Itai:** This is said when someone is in pain, or they are saying "it hurts" or "that's painful."   
**Sumanai:** Literally means "sorry," a bit more formal or respectful, I think.   
**Yoroshii:** This can mean "okay" or "good." I kinda meant it as if he's praising her and giving her encouragement.   
**Atashi:** A feminine, or Kaoru's way of saying "I."   
**Kenshin no Baka:** This basically means "Kenshin you idiot." Or a number of other various meanings in regard to Kenshin being 'not smart'. ^_^   
**Aishiteru:** Literally means "I love you."   
**Mou:** Kaoru's way of saying "no," "enough," or "stop it."   
**Shishou:** Kenshin's name for Seijuro Hiko, afterall, he was his master.   
**Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu:** Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu is the kenjutsu technique that Kenshin uses. Seijuro Hiko taught him this technique...it's all his fault Kenshin's so good with a sword. ^_^   
**Kenjutsu:** A sword technique. Or the simple basic acts of weilding a sword.   
**Hai:** Obviously, this means "yes."   
**Daijoubu, koishii:** Can be translated to "it's alright, beloved" or "it's alright, darling."   
**Koishii:** Just without the 'daijoubu' attached, it means "beloved" or "darling."   
**Nani:** Literally translates to "what."   
**Doushite:** Literally means "why."   
**Onegai:** Literally means "please."   
  
  
  


Author's Notes   
  
1. ALRIGHT. The guys are probably saying, "Kenshin wouldn't take that, being smacked around, he'd attack back." Well, even Kenshin knows when to keep his mouth shut and his pent up anger to himself; he knows when it's appropriate to lash back. ^_^   
2. I probably put too much emphasis on Kaoru's bone being snapped back into place, but this is traumatic for her, imagine the pain; especially if the rest of her body is as mangled as it was. The method I described probably doesn't seem like that's what could be done to fix it. Well, my grandmother is a nurse, and I confronted her with this one. She explained it to me that this is how chiropractors/doctors would do it, and that's how it's usually been done in the past. Lay down flat, with your protrusion facing the doctor, and they either force it back into place or they build a brace for you and let you wear that until the bone just moves back. Which, in any case, I believe that the first technique was the best alternative to the brace. In the 1800s in Japan, I'm sure that blunt force was all that was available or the most commonly used method of replacing a dislocated bone. I think my grandma knows what she's talking about, but if you know of a way it was done in Japan and I screwed up, tell me. ^_^   
3. I PROMISE the fight scenes are in the next chapter, along with the history involving Akira and Hikage. I kind of got carried away with Kaoru's little injuries and I didn't realize it until the end. ^_^; gomen.   
  
Comments? Suggestions? Did you like it? Go ahead and email me. ^_^   
  
  
  



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